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has the love really gone?

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    has the love really gone?

    or is it just obscured when you've been drinking heavily for so long? I feel so detached from my husband, kids and parents, it feels like over time they've all changed into people I don't know.
    I know it's me who has withdrawn from them. I just want to know that if I managed to stay AF, would those overwhelming feelings of love and need to protect and nurture come back.
    Maybe if I explain myself better, I might be more understood,sorry.
    When I met my husband 10 years ago, I felt it was the best thing that had ever happened to me, but several months later my youngest daughter,then only 5 was knocked down and suffered severe head injuries,it was awful. But I felt so lucky she lived, when so many other desperate families were were not so lucky. My drinking took a hold without realising, then a year later got the call my dear dad was being cut out of the car by firemen.He was on life support for weeks, his injuries were horrific.But at the end of it I felt,Phewww! we are blessed! But my drinking just continued to get heavier!
    All those emotions, helplessness,terror,devastation turned to hysterical highs which I still had to repress with booze because they still felt so unnatural and new.
    But now after all this time I sit on my 2nd AF day and feel very lonely and isolated in my life and wonder when the al cloud has lifted will I feel again? Sorry to go on, but would really appreciate feedback, please?
    elsie17lease:

    #2
    has the love really gone?

    Hi elsie17
    Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time but there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!
    I can only tell you about my experience and yes the first seven days i felt completely lost and to top it off super tired. We drink to numb out we dont want to feel so it is understandble that our mind, body and soul needs to go through a transitional period of physical and mental withdrawal. Be patient and kind to yourself the feelings will pass with more af time. When you get pass this period of course you will feel again it will just take a little time to readjust.
    Hang in there it is so worth it!! Do nice things for yourself over the next few days and dont buy into your emotional state at the moment your recovering which will exhaust you - just know that it is temporary and you feel so much better very soon.
    Lot of love and strength to you:l
    I am the author of my life.

    Comment


      #3
      has the love really gone?

      I feel the same

      MAny thigs cause me to drink and I am not sure why. I think that its just to be social, but I do it by myself. And I've realized that when we drink the underlying issues don't go away they only feel worse. I am on my second day and hope to continue. From everyone's support I know that we will feel better the sooner we get the need for alcohol out of our systems. You can do it. When you start to loose the dependency you will feel a part of your family again.

      Comment


        #4
        has the love really gone?

        Good morning, Elsie... congrats to day 2AF.

        Unfortunately, you are right... the lonliness you feel is there and you are detached....
        but fortunately, you know it. You feel it. And you must want to change it, which is why you are here, right?
        Well, the good news about love is it is UNCONDITIONAL.:heart:

        When I think back to my childhood, I remember being at a crowded playground, but feeling shy and left out... the outsider. With all of the noise and giggles around me, I was afraid to play. I was there, but not really, you know? I remember my mom hugging me and saying very softly,

        "Patty, today is today. You can choose to be happy, or choose to be sad. Everyone around you is having fun, because it is their choice. You have to choose, sweetie, and choose now. Because in an hour, when we are ready to leave, you are going to leave with a memory. Will it be a happy memory, or a sad one? You make your own memories, honey".

        I've used the same pep talk with my kids.... and so today, I ask the same to you, Elsie. Because we only live once. Your life is full and crazy, and in full motion. The memory train is going down the track, and it's not going to turn around for us, dear. If you would die today, what would be engraved on your tombstone?

        "Elsie, loving, dedicated wife and mother, whose strength inspired all of us :heart:"

        Elsie, you are on day 2 of a scary, but wonderful journey.... yes, it's unknown to you today, but if you are patient with yourself... you will see.


        Give yourself the same amount of loving care that you provided to your daughter and to your dad....


        Your gentle strength will pick you up and guide your soul
        .
        Alcohol will lose its power, and you will
        re-connect with you
        .
        And after that, with the ones you love. :groupluv: I promise.

        I remember when I was about 30 days AF..... it was a Friday evening. My husband came home from work, and cautiously asked me to dinner... without the kids! He wasn't sure what my reaction was going to be, because I was pretty much a recluse for the first 30 days- I wanted NO exposure to alcohol. So, we went to dinner, and it was lovely. Instead of merlot, I ordered a Club Soda with a splash of cranberry, and a lime.... what a wonderful memory.

        That night, as I was getting ready for bed, I saw her, Elsie. I saw that ghost that you are looking for.... she was staring right back at me in the mirror! I remember smiling back at that little girl from the playground and whispering,
        Welcome back, Patty. I've missed you, girl.


        Stay close, Elsie. Be patient and kind to yourself, and just KNOW
        that you are ready. :heart:


        Much love,

        Patty
        Tampa, FL

        Comment


          #5
          has the love really gone?

          Hi Elsie,

          Today is the beginning of 2AF for me and I don't feel real, not myself. But, I don't know what is real for me anymore. I will take it one day at a time and allow myself to feel my feelings even when they confuse me (like now) or hurt me (like earlier this morning) or scare me. I've numbed myself for so long, I think this will take time. Be easy on yourself for a bit, okay? Let's hang in there...
          "Action is...the enemy of thought." :l Joseph Conrad

          Comment


            #6
            has the love really gone?

            You really are a lovely bunch and while I had alittle sob,reading your replies has given me areal lift and I feel a whole lot more positive, hope i can be of help to you sometime.Fondest wishes, Elsie17

            Comment


              #7
              has the love really gone?

              Elsie hello and welcome, Ya know I had'nt thought about it but I think I'm in the same boat you are. I guess I assumed it was just that I was busy and tired that I did'nt feel and close to family anymore. I think I have been numbing things so long that work, my husband, dogs and AL is all I think I have time for. Get rid of on member of this busy schedule and wow, I bet I'll have more time and renewed feelings as well. Thanks for posting. NHHL, Thanks for posting as well, something for me to absorb today, what a beautiful story.

              Comment


                #8
                has the love really gone?

                Else--
                Listen to Not Happy Hour-Happy Life. There is hope, just be patient and take it one day at a time. Those feel good feelings will return when they are not drowning in alcohol!ray:
                _______________
                NF since June 1, 2008
                AF since September 28, 2008
                DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
                _____________
                :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
                5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
                _______________
                The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

                Comment


                  #9
                  has the love really gone?

                  First.. Congratulations on Day 2!!

                  I'll just say... feel Everything... after we push down our feelings so long with AL, you'll start to feel again.. when you're ready for the diff feelings... Just know... it's okay..

                  First of all.. you have to learn to love yourself... then the love for others Will come back.... three-fold.

                  Right now is a time to love yourself and take care of yourself.... You Can do it... and you can love again...
                  P.S. You can't love if you don't love yourself... :heart:

                  As you wander through life, sister/brother, whatever be your goal, keep your eye upon the donut, and not upon the hole.
                  - Sign in the Mayflower Coffee Shop, Chicago

                  Comment


                    #10
                    has the love really gone?

                    Elsie,

                    Well, your post response helped me, maybe in the nick of time, honestly! My husband just came home and, instead of being an angry bear as he was 3 hours ago (stomping out, slamming doors), now he's happy as a lark. This means I'll hear his first beer can pop in about 2 or 3 hours, mid-afternoon. I just squished an overwhelming feeling to make sure I had a bottle of wine ready for later today so I wouldn't have to deal with his slurry speech. Sigh. Wine isn't the answer, I know. If I have to leave and go out for a walk, I will. Hang in there :-)
                    "Action is...the enemy of thought." :l Joseph Conrad

                    Comment


                      #11
                      has the love really gone?

                      I was day 2 as well yesterday, it's funny how even the way one sees things can change and become clouded.
                      today is day 3 again for me, I can feel the energy welling up inside once again.

                      this is a process elsie. wait until day 5 and 6.............
                      You can't turn a pickle into a cucumber

                      Comment


                        #12
                        has the love really gone?

                        Elsie,

                        It does come back...wait for it. I have 4 children and a 17 year marriage and it all came back to me. I have been an emotional wreck for a few weeks but it is fantastic. Nearly crying when I tuck the 7 year old in bed...because I am present in every moment. My husband is in a much better mood every night when he returns home because he knows which person will greet him - the person he married. Not the unstable person that I became when AL was part of my daily routine.

                        It has been a tough journey (58 days sober) for me - but so worth it.
                        Beck
                        Beck

                        Sometimes you get there in spite of your route, losing track of your life and what it's about, the road seems to know when to straighten right out...Mary Chapin Carpenter

                        Comment


                          #13
                          has the love really gone?

                          OMG Patty! I loved your post!! I sure wish I'd had YOUR mother. Just reading that made me feel good. Thanks!!! :H
                          Noelle sez "Do want you like, like what you do. Life is Good."

                          Comment


                            #14
                            has the love really gone?

                            :thanks:Hi Noelle, just wanted to add to your post. Not happy hour-happy life, thank you so much, it really helped to bring me out of the doldrums and out of myself,really grateful

                            Comment

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