Day 4

[Guest]

Day 4

Day 6, I am taking it at half days so far, so by lunch time I can write on the calendar, which seems like a little reward in itself, but its the nights that are the most difficult. The guy I live with is the father of my two-year old (I have three teenagers as well, divorced in 1994 which is when my drinking started) but he and I are not in a relationship. We had a casual thing going when I fell pregnant at the age of 40! I thought having the little guy would have helped get me off the grog, but it didn't. His father and I thought we would give it a go sharing the house for his sake, but it hasn't worked at all. Alcohol is the ruler in this house, but not anymore for me. We are moving into separate houses in August (lease here runs out) and I want to be clean and sober when that happens. I always wanted an epiphany to happen, just like in the movies, but it hasn't, so I am taking the bloody bull by the horns and doing it anyway.... hang-overs are such a big part of my life and I want to do more than sleep, take pain killers and eat my way around the house!
Colleine

[Guest]

Day 4

Day 4

Hi Guys,
Today is my first REAL challenge (it's only 7am here in OZ) it's my son's birthday so people are coming over and I would normally start drinking mid-morning to get through the day. I woke up looking forward to getting drunk, then remembered I can't/won't.... the cravings are now on my mind big time, and I know it's going to be a full-on day trying to stay away from it. I feel really anxious and teary, so would love some ideas for coping if anyone has any... others here will be drinking also, so that's just going to add to the stress,

Colleine

[Guest]

Day 4

Colleine,
Make sure you take extra Kudu and l-glut which will help with the cravings. Buy yourself some yummy spakling grape juice or some other juice/ginger ale drink that you like. Enjoy being sober at your sons birthday party.

Good luck today!
Marcie

[Guest]

Day 4

Colleine,
I'm new to the program as well so I know how hard it can be.
You have to find pleasure in other things than alcohol such as your son's smile.When it comes down to it these are the things that are important and stick with you. A drunk memory you will want to erase but a wonderful sober moment you will want to keep with you.
Let us know how it goes.
Janet2

[Guest]

Day 4

vinophile
What a beautiful reply. I agree - a drunk memory you wish to forget is nothing next to a sober one you will cherish always. Thanks for saying it!

[Guest]

Day 4

Day 4

Thanks Wellseasoned and Vinophile, I took both your suggestions, increased my L-glut by double (my Kudo hasn't come yet) and drank dry ginger throughout the day. The idea of enjoying the day for what it was, rather than getting high, really put it in perspective for me.... such a simple idea actually got me through some really tough moments. I also made sure I ate plenty as I don't usually like to drink on a full stomach, and that helped as well..
It's the first time in YEARS I have been sober at a family do!
With thanks and gratitude for the support, Colleine

[Guest]

Day 4

Hi wellseasoned, I'm on day 4 also. im using the kudzu l-glut and vit but trying to substitute chocolate bars for the topa. Good luck and keep in touch!!

[Guest]

Day 4

I've done a few chocolate bars as well! Still struggling, but it feels good to be in the ring and fighting.
wellseasoned

[Guest]

Day 4

I just read (in Prevention Mag), that dark chocolate, helps to relieve heart problems that target smokers! It helps with stiff vessel walls and overactive blood clotting, which apparently are common problems of smoker's. There was a 59% greater artery flexibility 2 hrs after eating it, shown by an ultra sound. Pretty amazing! I'm gonna turn my Hubby into a chocoholic!

[Guest]

Day 4

Well done!!!

Colleine well done on your son's birthday! That was a milestone test. We are so used to associating alcohol with celebrating and fun that it is hard to think we could enjoy ourselves without drinking. I really admire you as it must be so hard living with a drinker who just doesn't give a damn. I'm today going into Day 5, haven't had a drink and haven't really wanted one - bit of an urge last night, first weeknight since I stopped drinking - but went to the gym with my daughter till about 5.30 then made a snack of dry bikkies and cheese and a soda water and put on one of my favourite TV shows then it was time to cook tea and hubby was home. I really didn't miss it after the first initial thought (not even a craving) and felt so proud. Woke up this morning and WOW, hadn't woken up during the night - must be a record. I know it's really only 4 days but it does make you feel so good - you wouldn't think you could feel so much healthier in such a short time. Hope the high lasts! Again, well done on your successful day!

[Guest]

Day 4

Wellseasoned, I have to ask you a question, and I hope you don't mind answering it for me. I know you first started MWO with me on May 8th. Was it as hard starting over with cravings, etc. as it was the first time? Or because you were already doing the program, did you find it easier? I am just curious, and hope I'm not being too personal. Hugs, and wishing you well. Eliziby

[Guest]

Day 4

Eliziby
Yes, I would say it was harder starting over than it was just starting the first time. I believe some of the difficulty was situational - lots of triggers coming at me at once (difficult ones that have to do with low self esteem and historical issues). Once I started back, I realized that I was not going to be able to moderate - only abstain - at least for a long while. My drinking habit is SO embedded and automatic when a trigger is tripped - spooky. As I have shared in other posts, my drinking is very self destructive (not that drinking to excess is anything BUT self destructive). Anyway, it WAS hard to get back into the program, but I am determined to get to a healthy place. The hardest part for me is finding time alone to concentrate on the CD's and making sure I take all the supplements during the day. I am so FULL after I take them with enough water to get them down that I don't want to eat! I am taking the MAX dose Kudzu and have added Gaba and Amino Complete. I also take the L Glutamine. I was thinking about the fact that I have already failed once and and trying again just yesterday. I think the BEAUTY of this program is that once we are involved and commited to some type of change we keep coming back to it. In other words, we don't drop it from our agenda for a year or two and them do something ridiculous that brings us back to it. I believe with all my heart that I will get it right eventually and pray the same for you and all the other great folks I have met on this site. We are all part of a VERY faced paced and complicated world and it is hard to take the time to "get well" - especially with something like alcohol. There is such a mixed message out there about drinking and we are surrounded it every day. It's not like other illnesses that society views as "acceptable" to take the time to address. Even health insurance companies (most, anyway) limit the help they will afford you and then use it against you. Anyway, I am rambling. Sorry.
I have no problem sharing my experience, so your question is fine.
Hope you are having a wonderful day and that MWO is helping. It is helping me, slowly, but surely. Thankfully, I have a very patient and supportive husband.
wellseasoned

[Guest]

Day 4

Thanks for your willingness to answer my question. The reason I ask it, is because I know what starting over was like for me me, and it wasn't easy. I took part in a study at the university in our city on a treatment for alcoholism. It lasted for three months. I was treated with Naltrexone, and Camprol as well as psyciatric (sp) counseling. I did good for the 3 mos. while in the program, but when it was over and I was on my own, it wasn't long before the cravings got the best of me and I caved in. Drank more than ever. (I was there at the university for one of my sessions the morning of 9/11) I remember when I didn't stick with it, that I felt like such a failure. I didn't like myself much at all, but did the best I could to cover up my self loathing. I have to tell you, I was sooooo scepticle of starting another program (MWO) for fear of failing again. I don't want to go through that again. I don't know which is worse, drinking or such low self esteme. I am a Christian, and I came into this program after much time in prayer. I really feel this is where I am supposed to be, but I am having a hard time. Have more to share, but will save it til later. Thanks, and God bless. Eliziby

[Guest]

Day 4

Eliziby
It sounds like you have been fighting this battle for a long time. It is great that you keep trying and coming back to it. I am the same way. This is the first time I have picked a program like this - no one on one counseling - that includes the nutritional approach. I am committed to the change - if for no other reason than my kids. They are all young adults now and I would never want them to live through the low self esteem/self loathing that I have. I was so attentive as an at home mom, but some major crisis' in my life (late 30's to mid 40's) proved too much for my fragile inner child to battle (due to childhood issues). I turned to alcohol to numb the pain with a vengence. I thought I was keeping it so well hidden, but as time went on my kids all came to me with anger and then concern. I have always been honest with them when they approached me with a conversation about my drinking. It was the old "do as I say not as I do" and as they got older that became a harder drum to play. This is when I started hiding my drinking, but I really wasn't hiding anything from them. They knew and worried about me. I feel so terrible about that and all the angst I probably caused them. I just couldn't get past the pain and alcohol was so effective in making it go away - if only temporarily.
So, it sounds like we have both been at the battle for awhile. I think that just having this place to come to write what we are feeling/our concerns and fears/our questions/our frustrations/ contributes HUGE to our chances of success. Unlike the one on one therapy where you have to bottle it up and pour it out in 50 - 55 minutes effectively, we are able to come here anonymously and talk to others that share all we are experiencing. I really do believe that once a person makes the emotional committment to a lifestyle change they stand the best chance of eventual success using a nutritional/emotional/educational/suppportive approach - MWO!! I feel accepted here and among friends. I also believe that faith plays a significant role in all of this for me. I have always turned to the Bible when everything was bleak and I wondered if I could make it. I believe that my faith led me to MWO - God was holding my hand. Have you heard the song by Amy Grant "I Will Carry You?" My husband gave me the CD for my birthday. I cry every time I listen to it - because I know I am never really alone.
God bless, Eliziby
wellseasoned