Without going into great lengths to describe my situation (I don't want to bore anyone), I feel it necessary to relay a few essential current and historical items. I drink beer... and I'm very good at it. Started in highschool, continued through college, into my career, first marriage (and divorce), and straight into the present. My first wife left me for various reasons, none of which, according to her, related in any way to my drinking. Which brings me into the topic of my post...the "problem."
No one (except myself) has ever seemed to know or acknowlege that I drink alot of beer. My first wife didn't, my friends don't, my work doesn't, and even my current wife seems oblivious to the fact. Which is amazing to me considering the mountains of empty beer cans that seem to magically develope while I'm having dinner or watching TV.
I consider myself to be at least a moderately intelligent person. I have been employed in a highly responsible position for the past 22 years. Never any problems. My wife says I am a good husband and father.
My "problem" is this: I always hear that the first "step" to sobriety is acknowleging that there IS a problem. Of course, I know that "normal" people generally don't consume 12-14 beers a night (EVERY night). Knowing this, I can confidently say that I have a problem (and have had for many, many years). But I KNOW that I will NEVER hit the proverbial "rock bottom," thus triggering me to seek help and go "cold turkey." I have an uncanny ability to "keep it all together." In other words, I am a great drunk (and certainly NOT proud of it). But yet, I don't want to quit.
Everything else is great... I want to live a long and happy life.
That's my "problem." I know it's a problem, and I KNOW it's killing me....but I don't "want" to quit.
Will this program work if the desire to quit is NOT there? Or is the fact that I'm writing this post an indication that on some level I really do want to quit? (Even though, as I'm writing this, I am extremely looking forward to going home and having "a few" cold ones).
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.
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