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**Guest** · May 16, 2006, 12:52 PM

Please help me, unsupportive friend

Sounds like your friend is not being too darn friendly right now

. Geez, Jamie, I'm so sorry this happened. It's so hard to deal with these types of people. They INSIST that the bottle will come out of no where and attack you!
YOU make the choices here. YOU are in charge. Sure, the alcohol can be a powerful pull and an addictive habit. We all know that all to well. But it doesn't have to control you!
You are proving that!!
Look at yourself, sista!! April 4th? Nice job!! Read some of Brigid's posts about going day by day, then, all the sudden it seems, you look back and six months have gone by! By the time of your wedding (congratulations, by the way!), 4 months of sobriety will be under your belt. Will this friend be at your wedding? All you can do is continue to prove her wrong. Don't let her get the best of you. That's the worst that could happen. Then you'd have to listen to "I told you so">: Hate that.

In the meantime, you have lots of planning to get on with! I admire you for allowing alcohol at your reception, although you will not be partaking. No one even really has to know. A lot of times, the bride doesn't drink much anyhow, in an effort to relish every last moment!

Feel better. Wish I could send you some flowers or something...
Becca

**Guest** · May 16, 2006, 01:29 PM

Please help me, unsupportive friend

Ya Know What Jamie,

Even the best meaing of friends can be real jerks some times. Since the day you logged on to this site you have been right on track. You have made such a strong commitment to change your life and have not let anything get in our way. Don't let these negative comments get in your way or put doubt in your mind now! I wish I could tell you that you will never drink again, but I can't. What I can tell you is that you have shown an amazing amount of strength and courage in getting your life back on track, and that has to show you something about what you are made of!!

Becca's right, there is much to do! You are going to be a beautiful Bride, in the best shape of your life, and make you and your fiance so happy when that special night finally arrives. Put your enegy into that, and try not to focus on the negative comments of your friend!

Stick with it Jamie, you have come so far!! There is nothing stopping you now!

Donna

**Guest** · May 16, 2006, 03:53 PM

Please help me, unsupportive friend

I understand your pain my dear. Because I am renowned for my drinking habits (people think its great fun) many would roll their eyes or have some comment if I told them I was off the grog. So I say nothing, after all, I really can drink if I want to, I just choose not to. Maybe you could try this tactic, it can shut people up. You are just choosing not to drink for the rest of your life. Me too.

Cheer up, you really are doing very well and need to clear this persons comments out of your head. Just smile and nod and say "well, you could be right, but I don't think so" and then change the subject. I am an expert at changing the subject! And it works most times, except with my husband who knows me very well!!

Keep posting!
Jools xx

**Guest** · May 16, 2006, 04:30 PM

Please help me, unsupportive friend

Jools...
everyone is right. Bottom line, this is YOUR wedding, and it should be done just the way YOU want it. I think the changing the subject idea is terrific, and usually works well with me too. It is a polite way of letting them know they have stated their opinion, you have heard, but it is not open for discussion. I would take the very same position as you if most of my friends drank. I would not tell everyone at my wedding that THEY could not drink. If you did not have the abstinence record you do under your belt, and you were afraid of how you might handle it, then that would be up to you to decide if it was right. But obviously your friend (Im sure she has good intentions) has overstepped her bounds.

I have noticed that a lot of times when we accomplish something that others think we cannot, strangely, instead of being happy for us, they begin to put us down... or say things like "Its just a matter of time before you slip." (I think it is good ole fashion jealousy that you have been successful, and maybe they have other areas they cant be as strong in?)Plenty of people have chosen abstinence and never touched another drink in their life. So cheer up! focus on YOU and the joy of this time, not discouraging comments.

Congrats!!!
Allie

**Guest** · May 16, 2006, 06:14 PM

Please help me, unsupportive friend

Thank you

Thank you for all you said. I am supposed to be reading the DMV manual right now because I take my driver's test tomorrow to get my license back from my DUI. But I digress. I may have to say goodbye to this friend. I have chosen a life of abstinence. That is the choice I have made for myself. I didn't have to, because this program says either or, but that is the choice I made. And I am sickened by the fact she would say such a thing to me when I've only been sober since April 4th. But this person, see, is not an alcoholic. And also, this person is one of the most negetive people I know. And I have been her friend, and we have been helpful and kind to her daughter because she is a single parent, but you know, maybe this is a good way to finally rid myself of her. When I got the DUI, a few bad friends left me. I was hurt then, but so glad now to be free of their B.S.

Frankly, this has all been a blessing from heaven above, even though we are broke and eating PB and J's for lunch because of how expensive this DUI is. It finally got me to wise up and get off the sauce, and it made me "see" who were my true friends and who were not. This also includes family members. Some of them understood me and stuck with me, and some did not. Well, only one that did not, my brother, who was with me when the DUI happened. The one screaming in my face causing me to swerve and get pulled over 2 blocks from home.

I am glad for it all. Goodbye to S*itheads the world over, while I recover in peace. Thanks you guys, so much.

Jamie

**Guest** · May 16, 2006, 08:30 PM

Please help me, unsupportive friend

Re: Thank you

Good luck, Jamie! I think you have done some powerful work here tonight! Your other "friend" does not have a crystal ball, and you sure hit it right when you said that she is negative! I'm so happy to read your last post here! Keep up the good work! I, personally, think you are handling your wedding plans beautifully by having it BYOB!

Kathy

**Guest** · May 21, 2006, 10:57 PM

Please help me, unsupportive friend

Hope you are taking to heart all this wonderful support...I don't know how old you are, but if another person hasn't walked your shoes, her advice or commentary, or negation is of no relevance to your life. You are on the right track, doing great, and dont let anyone dissuade you. Ask God to keep you strong. GOod luck and we are all rooting for you!

**Guest** · May 22, 2006, 04:35 AM

Please help me, unsupportive friend

You know I read somewhere that kicking an addiction (or whatever we want to call it) is about believing we are powerful. Because what we want is new to us we have to learn and that takes time. And 'L' platers make mistakes. So if we slip, we have to learn to accept that we are human but still believe that we are on our way to the goals we have set. Other people's negativity can only carry as much credibility as we allow. Filter it out! That was my mantra last week when the doubting Thomas's were circling AND IT WORKED!!! Stick with it

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