Back to day 1

[jinja]

Back to day 1

I'm back to AF day 1 today. Not too bad - all the AF days I have achieved so far are 100% better than 2 months ago.

I was given a bottle of wine as a thankyou prezzie - nice!! It kept looking at me - I have removed all the other booze from the house. Also I was curious as I am on Kudzu & GABA etc & felt very good. Anyway - drank the bottle & didn't crave more!!! I wouldn't just have had one in the house before as I know I would want another & if there wasn't any available I would start climbing the walls!!

Anyway - I know I still have a long way to go. If I try to moderate daily I will be back to 2 bottles by the end of the week. I am understanding some of the weaknesses and habits, but all in all I feel good. Strong enough to comfortably say AF today and happy that I feel more stable etc.

My daughter's birthday party this afternoon - wine will be available but I have said that today I will not drink!! I will actually remember the afternoon - quite exciting!!

Marley - I also don't get hangovers - after many years of carefully assessing what I can drink , not mixing certain things & how I feel the next day, I had it down to a fine art. Another aspect of the addiction and how it consumes every waking thought. But man - blackouts are the pits. Really bad and frightening.

take care all
xxx

[wantrealmeaning]

Back to day 1

Loving your attitude twosox, keep on keeping on.
No matter how many times i slip I'm never going to give up giving up. I learn something new about myself each time I slip, the lessons aren't always nice and i'm a bit of a slow learner but it's all part of the journey to freedom.
We have to allow ourselves mistakes otherwise we wont learn about ourselves or how powerful this addiction is. Just keep coming back stronger with a bigger back of tricks to fight the beast.

Take care Twosox

Want
xxx

[notevergivingup]

Back to day 1

Good Afternoon to you all,

Going on day 4 today, had the urge to grab a beer and go sit in the yard and enjoy the nice weather, chilly but sunny. Then I thought - Wow how sad that I think I need a beer to sit and enjoy the weather, again I'm gonna blame that on the habit of AL, I know it is an addiction, but I also believe it is a habit. I think we get so used to grabbing a drink at a certain time of day or occasion that it is just hard to break, BUT it's not unbreakable. I can remember about a year, maybe year and a half ago, I was drinking twice the amount I have been drinking now. To be honest, which I hate to admit it, I would start drinking at 12:00 noon on the button, guzzle down about 4 or 5 beers, before I had to go pick-up my kids at the bus stop, then I would come home and drink another 2 or 3 beers. Then when my husband came home I would drink 1 or 2 more with him before switching to wine, which I would drink about 3 or 4 glasses of before going to bed. It averaged out to be about 12 drinks in a day and that was atleast 5 days a week. I would give myself a break now and then. I was finally able to wake up and realize that I was killing myself and I was buzzed if not drunk by the time I went to bed almost every night. I didn't want my kids to see that anymore, so I cut my drinking in half. For a while I was drinking maybe 3 or 4 drinks a day that lasted for a while, then I started averaging around 4 - 6 drinks, sometimes 7 but not that often. But where I was drinking at 12:00 before I would start drinking at 2:00 now and I would drink my beers slowly maybe drinking about 3 sometimes 4, but not often, then a glass or two of wine, sometimes 3 again not often, at night in my bedroom while watching tv. It became a habit, I guess what I'm trying to point out is after we do something for so long it just becomes a habit and I believe if I could stop myself from drinking 12 drinks in a day, down to 6, I can cut it in half again, or better yet just quit, which is what I am aiming for, but I'm not going to kill myself if I slip. I still can't believe I ever drank that much and I know I'm not where I want to be yet, but I thank GOD I'm not where I used to be. I hope that makes some sense to you all and I hope it helps to know there is hope. Sorry this was so long!

Twosox :l