I'm a Newbie!

[lynn]

I'm a Newbie!

you are such a caring person but to be first for the kids you must be first for yourself ... I know it sounds selfish but you have to be okay to help them ..... I understand english is 2nd here also i see signs and instuctions in spanish and feel like a outsider...weird..



lynn

[greeneyes]

I'm a Newbie!

OK. Well, here's greebean, greenie, whatever story. In another lifetime I was a special ed teacher. Tonight in the therapist's office. (Ya'll are free, I pay her) She asks when did I start drinking , as in REALLY drinking/? I say .... did I tell you I used to teach special ed teacher? No.... Yep. I was. And I was SO good. Always had a full class. While others who would "intern with me only had a couple kids. Toughed it out with the district and won the court case for appropriate placement for a dhild and they stalled, stalled stalled. I warned them. I walked. They threatend and then begged. I returned to private school after a 7 year sabatical in another field. I feel your pain. When you try so hard and you don't get the support it is so discouraging. Don't drink because of this. I did and it took a long time but here I am. Put on your big girl pants!

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

time to breathe...

gosh, I was overloaded with emotions yesterday! today, or should I say, first thing this morning, I got my much anticipated answers from my principal. Fortunately, my gut was right - Yes! Teachers can modify and help students they are not successful under the regular curriculum.... and Yes! All we have to do is note it on the report cards, like I was doing... My principal even looked up the exact regulation code in her "official" regulation binder. All's good... except... I can't help but think of that teacher who is now going to let my former student fail, but she does not believe in modifying. I did email her back after I talked with my principal to enlighten her, but she did not reply....

So, it was good to see my students back again after a long weekend, and get back into the school routine. I'm noticing that by around 4pm, I'm dying of hunger, but I did not feel the wine craving coming along with it as usual. Could the supplements be working their awesome wonders? Could my body and my brain finally have flushed out all those nasty remnants of alcohol so that thoughts of it no longer consume me? This weekend, I was thinking about getting on Topomax, but now, I think I might wait and see how I do, with the kudzu in as one of my supplements.. I finally understand what my fellow AFers were telling me about it getting easier after day 8. It seems as if the first week AF is one big hurdle to jump over, but if you clear it... so to say... it's much smoother sailing and less bumpy road to deal with. How refreshing!

I'm happy to see that I've been losing weight, as well. I took my measurements (the whole weight on the scale thing wasn't as important to me as seeing how many inches I'd lose around my belly) on day 1, and today, I'm proud to say that I've lost 2 1/2 inches around my waist. Whoo Hoo! I am sooooooooooo happy!

Lynn and Greeneyes - I read your comments before I went to bed last night, and they helped me find some peace inside my soul. :h This whole journey has given me a chance to real look at things in a different light than before, and I feel good to finally have the big picture before me. I cherish the time now that I have in the evenings with my family and my boy, Max. Speaking of - dad and the Maxman just got home and I have dinner ready for us.. So, until next time! :l

[winelover]

I'm a Newbie!

Day one with the program...

I've read the book, bought most of the supplements and got my first topomax prescription filled. I hope the side effects do not derail me. I am ready to give this a try and hope desperately that it works for me.:new:

Everything was adding up cost wise so instead of buying the CDs here, I bought a anti-alcohol hypnotherapy download on i-tunes for $10. I am going to try that first... did it last night and it put me into a really deep sleep. It was relaxing.

[Wooflet]

I'm a Newbie!

That is so fantastic Gathings - I'm so happy for you. :goodtime:

Thanks for sharing each step along the way - I'm going to come back to this thread during my first AF week when times are tough and I need some inspiration to keep going.

Wooflet

[Wooflet]

I'm a Newbie!

Good luck wine lover - sounds like you've got all the tools you need. Please let us know how you go.

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

I've made it to Day 11.. going on Day 12

Dude! Now I know why they call it one day at a time! I was talking about feelings with my first graders today, and how a person can feel many different emotions at the same time.... which totally describes me right now! Hmmmm, let's see - I'm tired, confused, upset, and hopeful. I'm hopeful because it's day 11 AF for me, and I can't believe that it'll be 2 weeks on Saturday.... I'm already experiencing the positive effects of not drinking!
On that note, here comes confused - I'm confused as to why my body/brain still craves alcohol. I thought I was in the clear with that whole situation, but today just reminded me that those cravings won't just magically disappear... that they DO come back when least expected, and I know I need to stand up against them! I just hate this continual on again-off again battle in my head. Why am I fighting against myself? I've got sooooo many other things to think about and worry about. Alcohol, can't you just go away and leave me alone??? I started reconsidering making that Dr.'s appt. today.... Maybe I should go and get some professional advice... I can show her the My Way Out materials and the topomax article and listen to her advice. I just like having a sounding board for my thoughts and questions! It makes me feel more confident in my decision-making.
I don't even have to explain the tired feeling - I'm sure everybody here feels it, too. I guess it's just been an emotionally draining week for me, so far, with report cards and what I've been dealing with at school for the past couple of days now. The tired part overlaps into the confused, too, in the sense that I'm tired of fighting those little voices in my head that keep coming back and tempting me with wine...
Sad - I'm sad because for the 2nd time in just a few short weeks, my husband has been called away on another business trip, and Max & I are left here alone... and, once again, it'll be just me dealing with the laundry, the cleaning, the mowing of lawns, fixing of meals, entertaining of the son (which I enjoy, but do also appreciate my "adult" time, too), etc., etc. Shoot, I'm complaining.... It's not that bad, I guess.... It's just easier and more enjoyable when my husband is here... you know... when we're all together as a family, and not just me feeling like a working single mom (which makes me TOTALLY appreciate all that single mothers do even more!!! Wow!).
I can't believe it's already 8:00pm! I feel like I just got home from school and picking Max up. I'm going to go now and spend some more time with him before it's night night time. I might check back in later... or I could very well crash, too. We'll see how the stars play out...

:l Wooflet and Winelover - thanks for checking in! Winelover, what an excellent idea about the iTunes download for the hypno CD's. I've already gotten mine from the website - darn it - and they were quite an investment. I have the nighttime one playing in my bedroom at night now. It's funny, because since my son was born, we had an ocean waves CD (just the waves, no music) that we've played on repeat at night in his room to give him some calming white noise. Now, mommy has her own calming white noise CD that helps her sleep.

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

wish me luck!

DAY 14

I'm halfway to a month! I'm excited! Nervous about today, though....

Going to a wedding, and reception... with an open bar.... YUP! I'm pretty nervous (I've been playing out ALL the possible positive and negative scenarios in my head)! Please help me stay strong! Is is cranberry & soda that's a good drink for these social situations? Any other suggestions??????

[Saje]

I'm a Newbie!

Gathing-

Been following you since day 1 and you have been such an inspiration. It is always great to read what you write as, it is almost me to a "T".......I am not much a a writer and it is hard for me to put my thoughts down here in these threads. I am rooting for you and sending you lots of postive thoughts today!

I also for the first time since going the AF journey (6 days), have to be around good old AL tonight. Also, been playing though the mind scenarios. I just hate that I have to be consummed with these thoughts and the hard work it is to try to keep being positive.

Maybe you and I can make a pack that we will be strong for each other and that we can be AF tonight. I am much better at trying to help someone else than myself so maybe if I think I am helping you, I can help me......crazy huh? I am willing to try....What do you think, maybe that will work?...


I will check back later, as I am starting a quilting class today and will be gone for several hours.

Sending tons of positive thoughts your way!!!! Saje :h

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

I made it through!

Saje, thank you for your kind words! They meant a lot to me!:l I hope your Saturday was successful, and look forward to hearing from you!

So - the wedding: good and bad
bad - I did have 1 glass of wine. good - I stopped after the one because :
1) I really didn't want to drink any alcohol in the first place.
2) I had taken 3 kudzu pills before the reception began, which helped.
3) I was surprised that wine didn't taste very good to me.
4) I had purposefully volunteered to drive, which helped me stay focused on my goal.
5) I was having a fun time sober, and didn't feel that I needed to "go there," if you know what I mean.

I'm glad that I was able to stop, but VERY DISAPPOINTED in myself for allowing me to have 1 in the first place. Part of it was the peer pressure, and also curiosity to see if I could just have one and stop there. Still, I knew it was dangerous of me to do, especially since I am on a 30 day AF journey. There was always the risk of me not being able to stop. I have been chastizing myself like my mother used to when I was a little girl and messed up. I need to stop that!
In the same sense, I'm proud that I did stop after that one glass, and that it wasn't hard for me, because I kept thinking of my goal and "the big picture." And, like I said, I had just as fun of a time dancing and chatting sober... in fact, I felt good! I remember those times when I would be tanked up with wine and other alcohol (yeah, like, at my sister's wedding last spring when I was the matron of honor... fortunately, I did act honorably that day.. or at least from what I remember...). It was nice to leave the reception with a clear head where the only things hurting were my feet from having cut a rug :dancin:.

So, since yesterday would have been my day 14 AF, and I did have a glass of wine, I'm counting today, Sunday, as my day 14, and will continue along the path of sobriety.

[Wooflet]

I'm a Newbie!

Congratulations

That's awesome Gathings, well done. One glass of wine is nothing in the scheme of things, and how amazing that you stopped after just one glass. It's so great that you not only didn't get drunk, but you had a really fun time too. I bet it was great waking up the next morning with a clear head and not trying to remember whether you did or said something embarrassing the night before. (Or is it just me that does that after a night out??)

I'm glad you rightly feel proud of your achievement, and hope you stop chastising yourself RIGHT NOW!

Wooflet

[TraceyO]

I'm a Newbie!

Hi Gathings. good for you ..you're on your way. don't beat yourself up for the slip. You are still victorious TraceyO

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

monday morning report

Wooflet and TraceyO - thank you for your feedback! It really helped me get out of this whole guilting myself thing that I've been doing. I'm on day 15, now - the halfway point to my first 30 days - and feel like it will be much smoother sailing on this side. Most of the rough and tumultuous waters were in those first 15 days! So, to all - best of luck! As once said in the movie Waterboy, "You can DO it!":h

[Wooflet]

I'm a Newbie!

Thanks for the update Gathings, and CONGRATULATIONS on 15 days AF :goodjob: You're half-way to the big Three-O, and I reckon the hardest part is behind you.

I so hope to reach the same goal by May 15 (I'm going AF on May1) - thanks for the inspiration.

Wooflet

[Saje]

I'm a Newbie!

Hi Gathing-

You did good on Saturday!!!!

I know those voices saying "just one", "just one", and you were able to stop at one. That was Great!!! :thumbs:

Well, I did not know if you read my message before you left so I just told myself that you did and that I made a pack with you and it worked!!! It was not as hard as I thought it would be, I prepared myself with some mixer and club soda and I also told my friends as soon as I walked in the door that I was not drinking. Of course the questions of "why not", and I explained to them that I was trying to lose weight and that I noticed that I was drinking each night and that I better get my drinking under control...they were very supportive to an extent (they still drank). I too still had a good time and it was so nice not to wake up on Sunday with headack.

I am very scared to take that first drink and like you I really want to make it through the first 30 days before I allow myself to try. I feel like it was such a hard week for me and I hope it get easier.

This week my husband comes back from his business trip and I leave the same day for a short trip. Will be new for me as I alway have wine when I am sitting in the hotel room by myself. I am planning to bring some hand sewing with me to do. Also, I have been so dang tired since I have been taking the supplements and being AF, maybe I just go to bed that much earlier.

I might not be able to post as much this week, but will try to read some posts every day. Keep up the good work, remember I am right behind you.....:racer:

Wooflet- many a morning that I wondered what I said or did the night before, you are not alone with that one! Looking forward to following your journey starting May 1. It is not easy, but so worth it so far to wake up and feel good about having another AF day done. Hope you are preparing, reading the book, having some supplement, having different types of beverages in the house to drink....I also do the CD's and come to this site if I get the urge...

I am finishing up Day 9 AF....

Take care, Saje

Saje