I'm a Newbie!

[Lucyxxx]

I'm a Newbie!

Hi,

with you all the way. xx. We can but try.xx

[Saje]

I'm a Newbie!

Gathings-

You are doing great......I am going to be AF today for the first time in a long time and you are inspiring me. You have been doing this without the help of the CD's and book, hope you get them soon and that they will make it easier for you

I know what you mean about the weekend comming up, very scary....but I am going to listen to the cd's and try to keep very busy.

I am going to try to just think about today and not look beyond that.

Keep us posted on how you are doing

Take care, Saje

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

damn those cravings!

I must say that the cravings I had today for wine were one of the strongest I've felt since I've been AF.... I kept playing out all these scenarios to help excuse my drinking if I made that choice - you know, the whole devil vs. angel on your shoulder thing :teeter:... I think the only thing that saved me was my ability to think of the horrible hangover I'd have the next day, and the fact that I'd be dissappointed in myself... not to mention my husband - seeing me come home with bottles of wine and drinking them!
So, on a mission to get home with no "pit stops." I crammed animal cracker after animal cracker (car snacks for my son) in my mouth, hoping that filling my mouth with food would help shut up that wine craving. It must have worked, because now I am home, which has become my safe haven since becoming AF. Every work day, I know that if I can make it home, I should be ok. Thank the powers that be!!!
Better news - my package arrived today with the book, kudzu and CD's. I fixed myself a plate of dinner, and am ready to read... and listen... looking forward to finding some inner peace and solace!
Matt, Saje, everyone who's been here for me - :l I'm sending big hugs your way! Your kind words helped pick me up when I was feeling quite down! I look forward to being there for you, too, whenever needed! :h
I'll keep you posted - I can't wait to read the book!

[Palatia]

I'm a Newbie!

Belated hello Gathings!!! :welcome:

Hi Lynn!! :welcome:

It looks like you're getting started on the right foot...

No it's not easy Lynn, but you'll find what works for you.. and pat yourself on the back for Every AF day...

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

Love the Book!

I started reading the book last night and - Wow!- it's so powerful! What moved me most was the foreward by Dr. Garcia, who grew up with an alcoholic mom. It made me realize even more why I'm on this journey - for my baby boy! I never want him to feel that way about me, or worry about me as an old drunk who can barely remember him. Oh no! I will be there for my boy!
I got through half the book before I went to sleep. I woke up this morning with 10 hours of sleep under my belt, and it feels so good! I can't even believe that I made it to day 6!
To all my friends on this journey:l - have a good day today! I look forward to touching base with you again this evening!

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

what is it about Fridays? damn it!

Temptations!!! Damn that wine! Why is it playing such games with my head? I just woke up this morning feeling so inspired... ready for my day 6 AF, and the next, and the next....

This afternoon, before school was even out, it hit me. Damn I want a glass of wine.. No! I don't need a glass of wine! Go away - voices in my head! But it feels so good... No! I'll regret it and wake up feeling shitty! I'm on day 6 and have made it this far - don't give up on yourself!
These voices have been playing with my mind since....
I DID successfully make it home, which was a relief for me. Finally safe, I thought... Then, my husband reminds me that he was going to Richmond for the weekend, and taking Max with him. Damn! No, I forgot!
SO, now I'm in the house by MYSELF, and those damn voices came back with a new arguement - "Hey! You're by yourself, now. You can have some wine! Go out and get some. Your husband won't know. It'll be our secret...."
No! I can't give in! This is so ridiculous! I keep remembering the Dr. Garcia's story about her mom, the drunk, and remind myself that I have to stay strong. Damn, I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up tomorrow morning with all of this behind me.
I've come to the realization that I need to make an appointment with my doctor to get a prescription for Topomax. It's anticravings benefits (and weightloss benefits!!!) are so appealing! I don't want to go through this every night! Jewell seemed to have it so easy when she combined the topomax with the supplements and hypnosis (as she recorded in her book). She didn't even crave alcohol anymore... That's what I want! That's what I need to stay sane....
Hmmmm... What can I do to pass the time? Watch TV, underwater basketweaving????
I found some of my old prescription of Lorezpam(sp?) which a doctor had prescribed me back in the summer to help with my alcohol cravings... It's supposed to relax me. I hope it makes me sleepy. I just want to sleep. If I can get through tonight I told myself that I'd treat myself to a pedicure tomorrow. You know - pamper myself for a job well done....

[Bandit]

I'm a Newbie!

Groundhog Day?

Hi Gathings,
Wow - you are describing exactly the way I felt Friday of last week. I had gone 6 days AF and then on the Friday, around the afternoon before school was out, I felt like the exact same way. Unfortunately I gave in and have now had to start all over again.
Certainly has not made me feel better but has made me more determined to not do it again.
Bandit

[MyNewLife]

I'm a Newbie!

Hey Gathings!

You are doing awesome! I am right there with you. This ends Day 5 AF for me. It has not been as bad as I thought it would. My GP opted for Campral over the Topomax. She said the Topo had some side affects that she was not comfortable with and that she had a great deal of success with Campral. She was right. With Campral I still get the cravings but they passes within minutes. Some folks on this board have said that it did not help them. Do your research and determine what you think is best for you. Then if you find what your Doc gives you doesn’t work, be open with him/her and choose a different route.

Good luck to you!
MNL

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

thanks!

thanks, my new life!

I'll keep that in consideration, too! I'm going to call the doc and schedule an appt. 1st thing monday morning.
:ranger Thanks to trl, cm3guy, fallenangel, and everyone else on live chat tonight! You guys helped me pull through tonight - with lots of laughs (which are always welcome and greatly appreciated!!!).
I think I can fall asleep, now. I'm looking forward to my pedicure tomorrow!

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

good morning!

So, after I checked in last night, I took the "sleep" hypnosis CD up to my bedroom and played it on repeat in my portable sterio. Wow! I just konked out, and stayed that way until just now. It was reallly soothing, rythmic water sounds... almost like an ambient noise that helped lull me to sleep. Very nice!
I'm awake and ready to start my day! Mostly, I'm excited about the pedicure that I promised myself!
I found this website and wrote my 1st post on this thread exactly one week ago to this day! I am truly shocked (in a good way) that I have made it through 1 week without any alcohol! The only other time in my life that I went this long was when I was pregnant with my son. That time, I was obligated to do it for my baby. This time, I did it for myself, and my family. It makes it so much more meaningful!:yay:
Tonight, I think I'll treat myself to a nice big chocolate shake (instead of wine) to celebrate!
:thumbsup

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

I can't believe it!

:wow: Wow! I can't believe that I've made it over one week now without drinking! I'm on day 8, and feeling great! I finally feel like my body has had a chance to recover, and I wake up with MUCH more energy in the morning than before. Evenings are still hard for me, but I must say that last night wasn't nearly as bad as Friday night. During "the witching hours," I had a great time with the friends at MWO's online chat. That helped keep me occupied.
My hubby and son came home from Richmond at about 10pm. We all sat down to watch The Avatar cartoon together, then I got my boy ready for bed. I was feeling tired, too, at this point, so I let him snuggle and fall asleep with me in my bed. It was so nice to have that precious time with him! If I had done my usual Sat. night drinking, I would have already been passed out on the couch. Gosh - it really puts things in perspective!
So, I woke up today and for the first time in a long time, I feel like straightening up the house (not like I think it's a fun thing to do, but now I have the energy to care). So... a little laundry... some vaccuuming... taking out the trash... Getting the house clean will help me feel better, too. - I'm one of those kind of people where my environment is a reflection of my mood - if my house is dirty with piles of crap - it's because I basically feel like a dirty pile of crap. You know what I mean?
Anyway, I'm positive and ready for what today brings.... Damn, it feels good! :happy:

Wishing you all the best!:h

[Wooflet]

I'm a Newbie!

Way to go!

Wow Gathings, that's fantastic. Well done on 8 days AF :wd::yougo:

I can really relate to what you said about the state of your house being a reflection of your mood, I feel exactly the same way. It's amazing how much better I feel when the house is all neat and tidy - and vice versa.

Hope you enjoyed your pedicure. I'm planning to reward each AF week with a pamper session at the local day spa - massage, facial, pedicure etc. I'll be able to pay for it with the money I won't be spending on wine...

Congratulations again on more than a week AF, and thanks for sharing how it was for you.

Wooflet

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

what a great idea!

wooflet,

:thanks: i love your idea! - because normally, i'd spend at least $50 a week on my wine, not counting the occasional bottle of cognac (my other weakness). In a way, we're already starting to take care of our body again, so a little extra pampering on the outside will help us along! :bath2:

i'm glad to hear you're doing well, too! I'm so excited that i din't even really crave a drink tonight - wow! can it be? i can't wait to check back in tomorrow!

:l :groupluv: :l

[panadol]

I'm a Newbie!

Just caught up with all your posts Gathings!
You are inspirational. I've been sitting here
musing I need some inspiration and hello
I came across you. You are doing so well
Your enthusiasm and positivity is a wonderful
thing. I will be following you closelyin the
nicest possible way!
Today I will start again:thanks:

[Gathings]

I'm a Newbie!

WOW! What a day!

First of all, thank you Panadol for your comments! I'm so glad that my posts have helped you out, and congratulations on beginning your journey!

I had a bit of an emotional day today, and wanted to share my frustrations... I'm a 1st grade teacher, and today was our "work day" (as if the other days aren't :bigwink.. a day to finish report cards for this 3rd quarter. The day started off with a presentation from our county police department on the newly adopted policies on illegal immigration... just a way to inform us teachers about what exactly is being done and to assure us that there isn't any sort of racial profiling / witch-hunt going on... very interesting... We have a very high English as a Second Language (ESOL) population of students, and we've seen several students leave recently (which, ironically, was just after the illegal immigration resolution went into effect). So... I did feel more informed after the presentation but still feel that a lot of our immigrant (possibly illegal??) families are scared to come visit their children's school for fear that bad things will happen (I'm not getting on a soap box - I know people are entitled to their opinions and I'm just venting... It's just that.. I'm here for the students, nothing more, nothing less.. and I want all of them to have an equal opportunity for an education...). I'm rambling...
So, after I went back to my classroom to work on my report card comments, I received an email from a teacher of one of my former students, asking me for some more information (I'll copy the email here - with names changed, of course):

Hello, I recently got Matthew from your class. I just got the records today. I have a few questions. I can see that you were very thorough with your child study notes and accommodations, but I am unclear as to why he was not tested for SLD. I could see that the first time he was in kindergarten [he was retained in kindergarten] there was an attendance issue but not since then.
Also why did you grade him on a modified curriculum without and IEP [Individualized Education Plan] or ESOL [English as a 2nd Language]? It is my understanding that the modified curr. is only for those 2 reasons.
Have the parents been involved and supportive? Do they know how far behind he is and that he will be going to second grade reading on a level 4 [the expectation is that first graders must be able to read on a level 16-18 by the end of the school year] with no support?

Thank you for your time.
D.
First grade

I can't even begin to tell you how much my heart aches for this child (and this is just one of the many that I have in my classroom with similar situations). I tell you - one of the reasons why it's been SO HARD to resist the wine at the end of the day is the burden of these children that I take home with me every night. Of course, some days are better than others... So, here was my response to her email:

D.,
I REALLY wanted Matthew to get tested... Unfortunately, at my school, the child study team was (how can I put this..) hesitant on wanting to go down that route until they exhausted all other possibilities. It was very frustrating for me as a teacher! I have made accommodations and modifications to the LA and Math curriculum in order for Matthew to be successful, and even put him on a specific behavior/academic incentive chart (I can email you what I created). For instance, I would read the basal test to him, instead of having him attempt to read it on his own; simplify and reduce his spelling words; let him use manipulatives on math tests/tasks; etc.... As far as modifications go, teachers can modify for any child - I know that students with an IEP [Individualized Education Plan] or ESOL services are legally bound to have certain modifications/accommodations. br />Matthew's parents are not involved in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM in Matthew's life. It's very heartbreaking! I have gone home many a night almost in tears of frustration, thinking about his situation. Everything I've sent home for parent signature never returns... I even gave Matthew a notebook to write his homework in (which I'd actually help him with at school), and that disappeared after a short while. I had called both mom and dad several times (when I'd leave messages, they wouldn't return my calls), and had scheduled conferences with them that they ended not showing up for (without any courtesy call beforehand, or apology afterwards). By February, I knew it was mostly useless to try and arrange anything with them. Sometimes, I'd try and talk to one of his older sisters in the school, to relay a message home for me.
Matthew's attendance this year was good, until recently... I'd say. Word is, that his family jumps back and forth between schools on route 1 when they feel "the heat" (meaning pressure from the school/administration/teachers to act upon their children). It has been known that times when Matthew was absent in the past, it was because he and his siblings missed the bus, and would just stay home - without any parent or adult supervision.
Matthew's home situation has GREATLY affected his confidence and ability to learn and maintain concepts. He gets frustrated easily and feels often that it's easier to "give up" and say "I can't" rather than try - understandably so... I worked with him on building his self-confidence and would always redirect him when he'd say those words. He needs all the love and support that we can give him! I hope this information helped! Please let me know if there's anything else I can do!
Thanks,
Gathings

She then responded:

It sounds like you have done a lot for him. I was hoping to contact the parents, I guess that will be difficult. I know you can modify for any child but it can't be put on the report card like that . When I saw that I assumed there was an IEP to support that. I am concerned his parents aren't aware of how far behind he is when they keep seeing "S" on his report card. And without and IEP he should be graded on his grade level so everyone( child study team) is clear on exactly where he is. I am stresses that he is going to 2nd grade reading this far below grade level and he will not receive any extra support.
thanks again for your time

OK! EXCUSE ME! WTF!!!! I'm new to this school district, but please don't tell me that it is district policy to not make ANY accomodations for a child who CLEARLY needs ALL the SUPPORT he can GET because OBVIOUSLY he's not GETTING ANY at HOME!!!! I'm crying right now just thinking about it. Don't tell me that he has to fail miserably for a while before a child study team will step up, test him, and try and get him the help he needs so that he doesn't fall between the cracks!! I already emailed my principal to ask her to clarify this... but... this is just a small picture of what's happening to our children in the schools, which are overridden with red-tape and cover-your-ass procedures with this NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND (ironic, eh???).. and meanwhile, children are becoming statistics and slipping through the cracks everyday if they don't have both parents, teachers, and administration on their side. I'm here for the students!.. and it makes me sick to think about these school personnel turning a blind eye like this...

OK... so... this was big for me... I don't want anyone to judge me on this... this is just how I feel... But, it's also another important piece of my alcohol puzzle that I'm having to learn how to deal with in a different way (you know, instead of coming home and having a few glasses of wine to unwind and somewhat forget about it all).. I DO feel ashamed... and I feel frustrated! There are times that I realize that I've spent more time worrying about and trying to help these children than I do spend with my own 3 yr old... and that's not fair, is it? but who else is here for those kids???? obviously not their parents.... administration could care less, from what I gather... it just makes me sad....

I'm not drinking. I actually feel lucky to not be craving it right now... I think spilling my guts out on the computer right now is helping with all of that... plus, I'm guessing that the kudzu and other supplements are finally working (THANK GOD!!).
Ok, that's my diatribe... I'll stop now... ahhhhhhh....