I signed on last night as losing touch but for some reason now that I signed on as a registered (global) member (hope that wasn't a mistake - will someone please tell me?) - I had to change my user name.
I'm 50 years old, divorced 5 years ago, always drank since when I started it was age 18 and I went to a party university, one of the top 10.
I hooked up with a new partner about 2 1/2 years ago who was also a drinker/alcoholic - call it whatever - to me, it's just terminology. We thought we could help each other overcome drinking, went to AA, abstained, drank less - tried all that crap as well as some herbal stuff - no luck, yet. I am posting here and hope it is the right place.
I didn't always not have control over my drinking problem, but I always did have blackouts since college. But I got through my pregnancy with my daughter without drinking and also a few years when I didn't drink at all. Oh, yes, I had to come back to edit - I come from a family of alcohlics, my father, brother, paternal and maternal grandfathers and my Mom is a heavy drinker but probably not an alcoholic.
BUT now that I am older and menopausal I am losing more and more control. I got a DUI two years ago and that really made me start rethinking things - not changing things, just rethinking. I did an educational program that dropped it off my record - so I thought. Not really true, though - if you refuse a breathalyzer, it stays on there that you refused. Found that out from my insurance agent who is a splendid and understanding soul - fortunately my ins. co did not bother to do the same check or I would be SOL.
Spent money on an attorney, only refused the test because the arresting officer said I was going to lose my license anyway (he didnt tell me it was 3 or 6 months,so I lost it for 6 months).
Anyway, the new relationship has not proved beneficial, in fact, I think I might have started cleaning up my act sooner had I realized this. I can only be responsible for my own actions, not his. And it is getting unmanageable. I have my own home, a decent income but I cannot babysit a grown man in his 50's just because he is too lazy or ashamed to try. And that is where I am tonight. Tired of babysitting. I need to take care of myself. I am losing my family and friends because of my bad behaviors and they truly do love and support me. But my only daughter is now very cautious of being with me. This sounds like self-excusing crap as I re-read it, but after the divorce we were fine, she lived with me for 3 years while she went to college, then moved out of state to finish her degree. In the meantime, my partner and I got new pets and she got pets and they don't all get along. She has been staying with her father instead of me partly because of this. My ex is a bitter and verbally abusive man who cheated on me - but my daughter is getting an earful from him. Can anyone relate to this?
Is this the live chat room? Should I be elsewhere?
Well, I need to check out getting the necessary meds and vitamins, etc. and I appreciate the chance to tell my story.
I haven't hit rock bottom, thank the Lord, in spite of my user name but I feel I am teetering on the edge. The only thing that I seem to be really good at is my job - I'm a professional and I was lucky that to the best of my knowledge my company didn't find out about the DUI.
Thank you for bothering to read/listen to my diatribe.
Before It Is Rock Bottom
I'm 50 years old, divorced 5 years ago, always drank since when I started it was age 18 and I went to a party university, one of the top 10.
I hooked up with a new partner about 2 1/2 years ago who was also a drinker/alcoholic - call it whatever - to me, it's just terminology. We thought we could help each other overcome drinking, went to AA, abstained, drank less - tried all that crap as well as some herbal stuff - no luck, yet. I am posting here and hope it is the right place.
I didn't always not have control over my drinking problem, but I always did have blackouts since college. But I got through my pregnancy with my daughter without drinking and also a few years when I didn't drink at all. Oh, yes, I had to come back to edit - I come from a family of alcohlics, my father, brother, paternal and maternal grandfathers and my Mom is a heavy drinker but probably not an alcoholic.
BUT now that I am older and menopausal I am losing more and more control. I got a DUI two years ago and that really made me start rethinking things - not changing things, just rethinking. I did an educational program that dropped it off my record - so I thought. Not really true, though - if you refuse a breathalyzer, it stays on there that you refused. Found that out from my insurance agent who is a splendid and understanding soul - fortunately my ins. co did not bother to do the same check or I would be SOL.
Spent money on an attorney, only refused the test because the arresting officer said I was going to lose my license anyway (he didnt tell me it was 3 or 6 months,so I lost it for 6 months).
Anyway, the new relationship has not proved beneficial, in fact, I think I might have started cleaning up my act sooner had I realized this. I can only be responsible for my own actions, not his. And it is getting unmanageable. I have my own home, a decent income but I cannot babysit a grown man in his 50's just because he is too lazy or ashamed to try. And that is where I am tonight. Tired of babysitting. I need to take care of myself. I am losing my family and friends because of my bad behaviors and they truly do love and support me. But my only daughter is now very cautious of being with me. This sounds like self-excusing crap as I re-read it, but after the divorce we were fine, she lived with me for 3 years while she went to college, then moved out of state to finish her degree. In the meantime, my partner and I got new pets and she got pets and they don't all get along. She has been staying with her father instead of me partly because of this. My ex is a bitter and verbally abusive man who cheated on me - but my daughter is getting an earful from him. Can anyone relate to this?
Is this the live chat room? Should I be elsewhere?
Well, I need to check out getting the necessary meds and vitamins, etc. and I appreciate the chance to tell my story.
I haven't hit rock bottom, thank the Lord, in spite of my user name but I feel I am teetering on the edge. The only thing that I seem to be really good at is my job - I'm a professional and I was lucky that to the best of my knowledge my company didn't find out about the DUI.
Thank you for bothering to read/listen to my diatribe.
Before It Is Rock Bottom
!! I also seem to send some pretty unusual emails when I have been drinking. Everything looks different with a bottle or two of wine surrounding it. I have only been here a short time, but there are so many caring and wonderful folks. Stick with us, ok?
Glad you came back, I'm sorry I missed ya yesterday! Iwas in & out of the house and must have have just missed by minutes, when I saw your last post. I'm soooo glad to see you back.
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