Is moderation possible

[DAMO]

Hi all,
I dont post much but I read many of your posts and find all very helpful.
I was just wondering is "Moderating achievable". I am struggling to moderate and that is my goal but am starting to think that its not possible and may have to stay AF, odaat of course.
And what is moderate, 2-3 days drinking per week. I was (am sometimes) drinking 5-6 days per week and trying hard to cut down to 2-3 days, but find I am just wishing my life away waiting for my alcohol days.
Its a viciuos circle. Are there any long term moderate drinkers out there who are happy with their intake.
I know in my heart of hearts from reading your posts I need to do a long stint AF to then try moderate drinking.
To be honest I dont know what I want, maybe just to drink on special occasions, christmas, birthdays , holidays etc.
AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH !!!!!!!!
I could scream because of the amount of time I spend thinking about alcohol.

Unfortunately, I cant order supps/cds etc as I havent owned up at home to the amount of AL I CONSUME. 40% ish of my intake is hidden and so far I have succeeded in hiding it . I sometimes wonder if I was found out, would it be better for me long term, I DO realise I am fooling no one but myself.
All other areas in my life are great, I have a beautiful wife and two wonderful healthy children.
But the booze is really pissing me off.
Thanks for listening.:thanks:

[Breez]

Is moderation possible

For 4 years I thought I could moderate. And that was the point. I "Thought" I could moderate. Truth-I always would end up over doing it at the end. And all the endless wasted energy planning my drinking, watching my drink, watching the clock etc-too much wasted energy. Being AF takes all that burden off my shoulders.

Take a peak in Long Term Mods and Monthly mods threads. There are people there that are doing mods. Possibly re-post this question over in those threads since they "hang out" there.

Good luck with whatever your decision turns out to be.

[newbegining]

Is moderation possible

I have tried every form of moderation known to man.
drink only wine
drink only beer
drink only after 7, at weekends, at home, out, socially,
drink only 3 drinks a day, 5 drinks a day, 20 drinks a week etc etc.

They have all failed

Within a few weeks / months I always end up drinking myself to a stupor almost every day.
Have accepted that "for me" abstination is the ONLY WAY.
Like you I was always thinking about drinking - it occupied so much of my mind.
Bit like standing outside a cake shop when your'e on a diet. Best not to do it.
best wishes
Newbeginning day 5

[matthen]

Is moderation possible

For me, unfortunately, moderation is impossible. Since i am 14 years old all i want when i have a drink is another one. Therefore, it is surprising that I survived as long as I have as a drinking man. But it has been a miserable existence. Sick and tired of being sick and tired i am on my fifth day AF. Hope this time to make a go of it. Good luck.

[Janice]

Is moderation possible

Not for me I'm afraid, been there, done that, got the t-shirt!!!!! I tried to moderate after abstaining for 6 weeks when I first joined MWO then again in the autumn after I'd done 50+ AF days. Moderation was too much like hard work, my brain never switched off wondering when that next drink would be. Abstinence is so much easier and......life is so much better!! Janicexxx

[ZenMetal]

Is moderation possible

I can only speak from personal experience, but I found moderation to be impossible too. I tried every combination I could think of - and I always wound up smashed.

I was conning myself, basically. I was trying to convince myself that I could moderate, so that I didn't have to quit. A classic thought process of an alcoholic, basically.

For me total abstinence has been the way forward. I'm now 7 months sober, and I truly feel a million times better than when I was drinking.

Peace & strength,

ZM

[Sunbeam]

Is moderation possible

There are people here who moderate, I believe most with the help of meds and/or supplements. That's one choice available to you. Most of us are here because we are unable to moderate. Once you are past that point, there seems to be no going back. In the future I hope to have the max of 1 glass of wine per month. I will see if that works, and if it is worth even thinking about.

[Laurav]

Is moderation possible

Hi DAMO,
My story is very similar to yours. When I finally fessed up to my hubby it took an incredible burden off of me (do not fool yourself that others are totally clueless about your drinking) and this has helped me stay AF and accountable. Positive reinforcement has gone so much farther in maintaining my sobriety than the sneaking and cover-up and regret and shame and crappy hung-over feelings I suffered from before that made me want to quit.
My answer is pretty much the same as everyone else who posted a reply. I failed miserably with trying to moderate and I am struggling with the idea of not drinking for the rest of my life so for now I am taking it one day at a time.
I am still new to the AF way of life but I can tell you I am feeling mighty fine after two weeks. Wow, I actually spend quality time with my children in the evenings now!
I am sure you, your wife, and children deserve the best you have to offer.
Take care and hang out here as much as possible!!!

[trixietrack]

Is moderation possible

Hi damo I think after you reach a certain point, (this may sound a bit dry) for instance.

hiding your drinking
drinking AM,PM on the job at home etc.
making up reasons to drink etc.

usually this is a sign that it might be very difficult for you to moderate.

do you have withdrawals and strong cravings for alcohol?
anxiety etc?

Try AF without wondering if you should or shouldn't moderate.

I have a friend who was an insane binger. and she is so far 100 days sober. she had one glass of red wine for her birthday and left it at that.

she says thinking about AL is not anything positive for her.

she drank 4-6 days a week. for years.

[me145]

Is moderation possible

i think moderation is possible in some. if alcoholism doesnt run in families, i do believe it is. if it does, i think its very impossible, UNLESS you take the supplement kudzu, which works so wel if i take it... i am a binge drinker moreso than an everyday all day drinker.. but it has gotten very out of hand at times. five or six days a week everynight bottle of wine, and two of those nights much more( if i was out at a bar) but i really believe kudzu works...latel.y i just made the rule of no alcohol in the house.. so i go out to bars and drink about twice per week. and then maybe a restaurnat and have a few beers there with my bf if we eat out. the other thing aobut moderating, it your just always obsessing over how much u can drink that day, if u should or shoudlnt drin k this day, etc. its just a damn struggle either way! sometimes being af might work better.. im lost as well so i dont know.. i dont even take kudzu all the time bc it takes away the happy feeling alcohol gives me.. mostly.. so i get stupid, dont take it, and have a bad binge blackout night.. at times

[Dolly Sunshine]

Is moderation possible

I think moderation works well for some here. I failed miserably at it. Al still controlled me. I was always thinking "ok a couple more days till Fri then I can have a drink" Once I took the option off the table I was truly ready to enjoy sobriety for everything that is great about it. With moderating I was looking at sobriety as a punishment and alcohol as a reward.

[happy4once]

Is moderation possible

I think moderation is possible for some - I read it's 1 -- 5 oz glass for women a day - I forget what they recommend on a weekly basis but something like no more than 2-3 5oz glasses at one sitting with 2-3 abs days per week. I found it very eye opening to actually measure out exactly how much a 5 oz glass is (it's about 1/4 of what I consider a glass...).

Anyway - it's a lot of work to mod and has not been very satisfying for me. I have not said outloud yet that I am 100% AF - I am just taking April off for now. But inside I know the answer for me...

Try a month AF and see how you feel...then make the decision. Good luck to you.

[Cinders]

Is moderation possible

I guess I have to weigh in on one of these questions again. A common question, especially from newbies.

It seems that, unfortunately, the preponderance of drinkers that join this site end up realizing that abstinence is the only path for them. If you think of it, those who only abuse alcohol but can live without it aren't typically googling and searching desperately for an answer to their problem!!

However, we do have some fabulously successful modders on this site. Betty Boop, St. Jude, Ducky, Trixie Track and others.

So, is moderation possible? A resounding YES.

The only way you can determine if it is for you is to go the route and try it.

Best of luck!!

Cindi
XXI

[Cinders]

Is moderation possible

One other thing..

The idea of "moderation" for me in the future would be, NEVER have alcohol in my home and only drink at VERY special celebrations.

i.e. One glass to toast NYears, a glass at a wedding to toast, one glass at dinner for anniversary, etc.

Never more than one glass and not in anyway a routine kind of drink.

However, that way slides the slippery slope for someone like me...

So, for now I won't even consider that. Maybe 5 years from now or so..

Cindi
XXI

[july232007]

Is moderation possible

You could be me awhile back. Many of the same questions and searching for the answer. I too tried one version or another of mods for years, only it did not seem that long, and failed by my estimation.

With strong personal motivation and a commitment to not screw up my marriage or my young kids lives I decided to go AF. More than eight months later I can say it is the best selfless decision I have made as an adult. Selfless, because I loved to drink beer. But my need to help myself so I could be there for others became (over time) more important to me than my shallow desire to drink.

One man's view. Chose AF if your gut tells you mods don't work.

Good luck.

July