Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

[grey mare]

Hi folks

As a new girl I posted this on the monthly mods forum then i realised that I should own up to being new so i have copied it here- not attention seeking- but because i am in a desperate situation and I know that there is help here; I have read it in these posts.

I had a real shock today; the sort of shock when you look in the mirror and really don't like very much what you see there. Its not the physical signs, although thats bad enough- its the disapppointment and depression and rages and shame that I can see shouting back at me; and the hurt that that has caused other people. And i don't know whether i am glad or not that I can't remember a lot of what goes on when I am drunk. I am horribly ashamed of myself. This last weekend i crossed a line i said i would never do- heavy drinking during the day- passing out on a saturday when i should have been spending some time with my children; denying to my husband that i had been drinking and ending up sad and sorry. And then gettting drunk again on Sunday night.

So in the mirror this morning I realised that it had to stop.

I am a white wine witch you see; give me that stuff and lots of it, please: i don't even like the taste but what does that matter; home from work, go to the fridge, pour out the first glass, then the one after that and the one after that. What used to be a nice thing to do sometimes became a habit and I don't want it to be a necessity. I have too much else that i want to do; and people who depend on me to be mum. I want to be here for them and i can't understand the spell of a ?4 bottle of wine when I think of the comparative worth of what i risk.

I need to sort out my relationship with my husband, whom i adore and I don't think that i can do that unless i am sober; not just for a day but until i have got all this horrid stuff out of my system and got my head screwed on straightish again.

So can I join the group please-this is day one AF for me- I have managed about two weeks inthe past but I am sure from what i have read on here that some support will help.

I need it to work becasue i don't think i have much time. i have heard people say that you need to get to rock bottom to want to get better from this disease; I think my bottom hit the rock this morning and i couldn't bear it to get worse.

Yours

grey mare.

[KateH1]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Hi grey mare and a warm welcome to you!

Well, to me, rock bottom is the day that we look in the mirror and say, Enough! The day that we know we want our life back, a life without the control of alcohol. Sounds like you are there! This program does work. I can say this for certain, as I have seen it happen over and over again! I am one of those people! I am still new to sobriety, if my calculations are correct, I will have 90 days without a drop of alcohol on Wednesday of this week! I could not have done this on my own......at least, not where I was when I arrived here.

I encourage you to download the book MWO, read it, at then make a plan for yourself to stop. I used the book, the supplements and Kudzu and meditation. It worked for me! Set reasonable goals, one day at a time, then 7 days, then 30 days. At the end of 30 days, think about where you will go from there! The first 30 days is the hardest, this is why, if we drink, we start again! I did this three times! But each time I slipped I learned something about my relationship to alcohol and it only reinforced why I wanted to stop!

Hope you stay around here, read, write and be well!!
Best,
KateH

[me145]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

hey girl, ive posted this a million times before but if you need the help of just knowing you absolutely cant drink that day and it stays in your system for a week, so actually a week you definitely cannot tak e sip of alcohol, then take antabuse.. that is what im taking... read up on it. it really works. you dont have a choice.

[Bandit]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Hi Grey Mare
and welcome.
I only joined here last month and have only posted a couple of times so I'm fairly new myself.
I also feel I belong to the www brigade - white wine witch for those that think it means the world wide web - was it Tania Glyde that coined that phrase?.
I know exactly what you mean about the 'call' of the bottle of wine when you know deep down what it is doing but it feels almost beyond your control.
As I have not sorted myself out I can hardly give advice only that it does feel better to know that you are not alone and it is not at all unusual to feel the way you do.
I too have kids, 5 and 3, and I know I have to try and be a better mum to them, and a better wife - I always seem to be so angry with them lately and it is usually after I have had too much to drink over a couple of days.
However, while I have not quit and I am not actually following exactly the MYO programme I have done better over the last few weeks after having joined here and viewing some of the posts - I have had more AF days than in the last few years and even when I do drink I have not been drinking as much - I think it is just the fact that I am actually thinking more about what I am doing and realising that it is a disease and not just unique to me. It is also nice not to be lectured to but discuss with everyday people my eveyday problems.
Anyway, I hope you find what you are looking for here and wish you the best.
Bandit

[happy4once]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

:welcome: Gray Mare - you came to the right place. Read the book, please - it helps.

Read past posts here so you realize how much your story is like everyone elses. We've all been there and you are not a horrible person. It is hard to take the first step to stop. It is hard the first week or so, and then you kind of realize that you actually life better without the wine...

The supplements & CDs really help too, especially with withdrawal & sleeping.

Good luck to you and keep posting - you are worth it (and so are your kids & marriage)!

[Sunbeam]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Welcome, Gray Mare,
You have already have completed day 1, just keep coming here and posting. It is very powerful and enabling support. Believe you can abstain from alcohol, and you will be successful.

[Reenie]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Hi Gray Mare: My heart goes out to you. I understand how you feel. Try your darndest not to drink the next couple of days. In no time you will start feeling better and become more optimistic about your life. Have a good chat with your husband. Tell him you know you have a drinking problem, that you didn't ask to have it, but you are one of the many chosen ones. Start putting a plan in place. In addition to coming to this site and reading MWO's book, seek additional help on the outside. Try AA or a personal counselor. If you are serious about kicking this habit/this freagen disease, you need to arm yourself with all the resources that are available to you. Being sober feels great. It's a huge adjustment, yet, once you give up the beast, your world and life will become brighter. You can do this. You have to really want it and try, try, try. Love, Reenie

[sober reality]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Hi Grey Mare,

I'm a newbie too. I cant tell you how your story is mine, I feel you so much. We're on the same ride and I want to get off so badly. Wishing us both the courage and clarity to do so.

My best,
Sober reality

[HopefulNow]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Grey Mare, welcome!

Just to add onto what others have said, I'd also like to caution...take the advice here as it's intended...as ADVICE, please, and also as individual opinion.

For instance, suggestions of antabuse, AA, and the lot of it, that's all for YOU to decide. What works amazingly well for some, doesn't work for everyone. What DOES seem to work well for most here is to start with the MWO book (either by ordering the hard copy of the book, or downloading it online) first, and then from there you might decide perhaps to order the hypno CDs (or maybe not, depending). Lots of folks here have also benefitted from the suggested supplements program -- mix and match as you see fit, whatever you think will best help you.

Taking it a step further, the MWO program also has great advice on meds that might help (Campral; Topamax; etc.) that can be taken under a doctor's supervision and/or ordered online, depending. All this to say, read, read, READ the posts here and learn from others' experiences. Sometimes you'll find yourself nodding in recognition, other times shaking your head thinking, "nope, that doesn't sound like me AT ALL."

But personally, I (and I'm sure others would agree) strongly recommend you start the book, either the downloaded version or order the actual book version. It's a great resource for getting started, as it's a wealth of information for what other tools and resources are available out there for us to use.

Hope this helps.

-HopefulNow

[grey mare]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

HI- grey mare here-

I managed it through day two and it is now the morning of day 3 and I am getting up to go to work. I got onto the forum last night but it wouldn't let me post so Ihope this works. i can't tell you how much the messages folk have left have helped me- and the knowledge that peopel you don't knwo and will be unlikley ever to meet can say such sipportive things and do care is wonderful and so very moving. Especially for me, living with a husband i adore but who is unable to talk to me any more.

I have the book and the CD's but before i think that i have been too ready to think that i will jump straight from the level that i am drinking into what i saw as an acceptable moderation but actully was far more than that and was itself at dangerous levels.

I think that you are all right- that it is the acceptance that actaully alcohol does me no good and is better out of my life altogether. I am not sure that i could safely go back to drinking at all; and I think I need to establish myslef very firmly as someone who on an day to day basis does not drink alcohol until that vile monster has gone from my body. The longest that I have gone AF since my last child was born and she is now twelve -was about 2 and a half weeks and was as a reult of some tablets which i couldn't drink with followed by a working visit to a dry country and I can remember that i was dragging it out and didn't want to return to drinking- until i got on the plane to come home! No cravings inthat time; working away whilst on the tablets with a group of peopel where dinner together was part of the deal and they all drank ; I never felt tempted once but I haveto do this now because I don't want to lose what i have.

Please keep those messages of support coming- and I will try to be less self obsessed and take the advice.

love to all

Grey mare

[tweezy]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Waking up with a clear head....

Hi Grey Mare,
Im 12 days off the red/port. Just want to say' Dont forget to remember the wonderful reasons why you are abstaining from poisoning your mind,your body and your soul.:l

[bald headed old guy]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Gray Mare,
Please let me welome you to our world, and repeat what everyone else has said about the book, suppliments, possible medications, etc. I ready your post as regarding particualrly your hubby and I would like to relate a little of my story to you.

When I finally decided (jan 8, 2008) I needed to quit my wine habit, I sat my wife down and told her I had found this site and I was determined to quit drinking. Now, Mrs BHOG is a pretty patient person, but she has heard all of this before from me. So I also told her that I did not expect her to believe I was quitting until she saw the results. I spent most of the next month, my waking hours, anyway, on this site, reading. posting, chatting, figuring out my triggers, etc. In a few days, Mrs BHOG said she was proud of me, it appeared I had not taken any alcohol since our conversation. (I had not) I took a couple of weeks off for surgery..then back to life, and back to sobriety. In Feb, I had two glasses of wine on Feb 5, two again on Feb 14, and a half glass of champagne on March 1. Since that time, none. I often hear Mrs B tell me how proud she is of me.
That support, from my spouse, has been invaluable. Although Mrs. BHOG has never threatened to kick me out, we have had some pretty serious arguements about my drinking. Now she has a sober husband..and more money in the bank cause he is not spending it on booze!
To make a long story short, try to enlist the assistance or support of your spouse. Some of the members on here do invite the spouse to join on and take part, others do not. That choice, like all choices, is yours.
And although I have talked about the support from the spouse here, it is very important if you are to succeed that you do this for the most important person in your life right now...YOU! If YOU want to make this happen for YOU, it can be done. YOU and YOU alone hold the power and the key to sobriety.
Please keep us all posted!
Stay Strong!
BHOG

[Palatia]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Welcome Grey Mare.. ! :welcome:

Envision how you want things to be... and don't stray from that. Above all.. focus on today, not tomorrow as far as not drinking. In the beginning, each day is enough to deal with...

[grey mare]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Hi folks,

grey mare here; really appreciate all your support- 3 days now- well it will be when i go to bed in 1o minutes and tomorrow is day 4!!!!! One day at a time sweet jesus.....

Thanks to BHOG- you sound like you have a pretty wonderful wife; i have asked my husband for support and help and told him how mcuh i need him but i think- like you say he has seen the bad side too many times and it must be horrible living with a drunk wife.

i have a very good friend who was married to a chronic alcoholic who died unexpectedly a long time ago now. He was the love of her life and she was devastated; yet i remember her saying that in all the raw grief she had also had to admit to herself that she felt a little relieved that it had brought an end to the nightly drunken rages and pointess promises that it wouldn't happen again.

i don't want my husband t feel like that and I don't want to push him away.

love and thanks again to all,

Grey marexxxx

[KateH1]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Hi Grey Mare,
Well done!! Going on Day four!! Keep going!! When you make it to the end of day 7, things do begin to get a bit easier. Please keep coming here, we are here for each other.

xxx Kate