A thought from someone not addicted

[ThuzzyQ]

Is it me or is this exactly why I don't talk to people who don't have my problem?

"Well talking about it without trying to lie to me and yourself is a good first step. You need help; from everyone. You need to stay away from the people who make drinking seem normal. I have stepped away from a lot of people in my life to stay away from destruction. I have found that those people were not my real friends. Where are they now??????? Sitting at the VFW!!!! I am sure your daughter gives you even more attitude because you are drinking. I am telling you this because I love you?????.You WILL lose your children, home and job if you do not get it together. What is rock bottom for you?? I want to help you, but you have to do it??..Please come see me this weekend. I love you."


I feel defensive and angry - I would appreciate some feedback, maybe I'm being too sensitive but my first thought is fuck you?

[Accountable for Me]

A thought from someone not addicted

To me, it sounds like some one who really cares about you. I have heard a very simular conversation from a couple of people before. I was defensive and angry, but now looking back, I am grateful.

I can COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from though. I really do.

[ThuzzyQ]

A thought from someone not addicted

Thanks I guess I will not feel so defensive after a week or so AF and get the head clear. Right now I feel a lot of guilt and shame and all I want is hugs and happy thoughts!

[magic]

A thought from someone not addicted

I think that this person loves you very much.

Perhaps it is not what they said but the circumstances/tone in which they said it?

I don't know you, ThuzzyQ, but I'm glad you are here!

We are a sensitive bunch, too sensitive perhaps.

magic xx

Here's a hug and a smile then.

[trixietrack]

A thought from someone not addicted

if you drink to much and it's obvious and affecting people around you, then it is someone who cares and wants you to get healthy.

but if it's someone who doesn't know you and thinks 2 beers is a problem, I would get pissed.

I guess you know.

hugs to you

Trix

[ThuzzyQ]

A thought from someone not addicted

It is my cousin and she and I have been close since we were children but have't spent a lot of time together for years. The thing is, I'm a closet drinker for the most part, I come home every day from work and drink, mostly vodka which I hide and do shots of then on the weekends I'll bring home beer and wine. I'm so fearful of drinking and driving that I rarely go out plus I hate spending $4.00 on a beer!

Her heart is definately in the right place but a lot of things in life are very black and white to her.

The more I think about it the more I don't care so much about what she said, I'm just wanting to be sober and get through a few weeks AF to be able to hold my head up around family. Mostly my daughters. Like a lot of posts say, we can't change the past, just move forward. But I have to be honest, its afternoon now and the guilt is starting to turn to cravings for a drink. YUK!!!

[trixietrack]

A thought from someone not addicted

well thuzzy you have just written out the right thing to do. It isn't that difficult to tell if someone is slowly killing themselves with AL.

believe it or not, they just don't look good. their skin is pale and has this sort of clammish look to it.
you can also tell by their nervousness that they are hiding something.

the afternoon will pass. look forward to looinkg at your near past and saying I have not had a drink in ??? days.

be well

[AMELIA]

A thought from someone not addicted

Hey ThuzzyQ,
Welcome!!

I found your cousins quote very interesting. She said "I have stepped away from a lot of people in my life to stay away from destruction. I have found that those people were not my real friends."
Has she been addicted before to something? If so, then perhaps she is speaking from experience.
It is hard to give up your drug of choice whether it be booze or nicotine or crack. If it is in your presence then you are far more likely to give in and 'just have it one more time' (yeah right).

Good for you on your AF days...sounds like you are doing really well. Would love to find out why your cousin made that particular comment??...
Take care
Amelia

[AMELIA]

A thought from someone not addicted

Another quick thought.................I have just re-read what your cousin said to you....maybe she is just sensible and has chosen to stay away from things (substances) and people that she thought may get her into trouble?
Amelia

[ThuzzyQ]

A thought from someone not addicted

As the day goes by and I process the comment as opposed to get defensive, she does love me very much and does care about me and its just all my defensiveness, in fact, I even talked to my x-husband who is also an addict calmly today - perhaps the more people who know, who I trust, the better for me.

I thank everyone for their positive comments on her comment, it helped me realize I was wrong about it.

[Palatia]

A thought from someone not addicted

I think she also meant that people with addictions are not there for their friends.. however well meaning we were and tried to be... We can't really be there when we're using... ya know?