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hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

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    #1

    hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

    i have made my mind up to go to try to go to therpy.(booked in tomorrow) for not just Alco but my whole out look on life. and i have to. i have to get my life sorted out. stop all this shit thats been going on for so long now.. its just hard. trying to become a completely different person. i don't talk much anymore. to anyone. i just dont have a lot to say anymore. i dont smile. my face is always blank.

    i want to talk but nothing comes out. nothing comes to my mind.. the only thing on it is soph(mx ex) and drinking. and its killing me slowly thinking about it.i just sit here thinking. do the same a work. do the same at bravos. do the same everywhere. i fell like just letting go. just to get rid of all this pain inside me. my thoughts are driving my insain.

    its like my mind is against me. it just doesn't see the point anymore..

    i just dont know what to do anymore....

    valium isnt doing shit anymore.. nothing works. i must admit if i don't take them i want to end it all even more. but on them my minds only just bearable..

    i just dont see the point anymore.. :upset:

    I was on the top of a building that im working on looking down at the people walking buy. waiting, thinking, watching. is this the time, is this the solution. i dont have a point to live for in my life anymore. and no alco to change the way i think, even for those few hours..

    i cant remember what i did 5 min ago.. i went shopping yesterday and bought new shoes, 5 min later i couldnt even remember what i bought or what they looked like..
    people talk to me but noting goes in, i forget 2 min later.

    My lifes up the shits.. is this all because of quitting drinking or is there more? that is the question..

    :upset:

    an alcoholic is someone you don't like, that drinks as much as you do
    Tags: None
    #2
    hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

    Karl,
    I hear a lot of pain and anguish in your post. Glad you are checking into therapy, it sounds like you have made a good decision! Please let us know how you are doing when you have the opportunity.
    God Bless,
    BHOG
    War isn't working. Let's try Peace!

    Comment

      #3
      hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

      Karl,
      Glad to hear you are starting therapy.....what a healthy choice for you. Sometimes, life just builds up on us and we must find a healthy release to sort things out. It sounds like you already know that drinking is not the answer for you, or anyone for that matter........good for you!

      Best wishes for today and keep coming back and share with us....we are a good support group!
      xxx Kate
      A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

      AF 12/6/2007

      Comment

        #4
        hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

        Karl..So glad you are going into therapy. You sounded like you are in a ton of pain. Please come back and check in here often. We are all here for you. Please be well.
        When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
        -- Franklin D Roosevelt --

        Comment

          #5
          hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

          Karl, I'm impressed that even though you feel like shit, you took the step and made the appointment for therapy. I can't say that I've ever felt that low, but I wonder if it could be a physical condition also?? I just wanted to let you know I agree with the above posts, and that I care. I hope you find your way to happier again real soon. :l
          _______________
          NF since June 1, 2008
          AF since September 28, 2008
          DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
          _____________
          :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
          5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
          _______________
          The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

          Comment

            #6
            hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

            hey karl!

            I also agree that therapy is a great idea. I am a big believer. It's not usually 'just the alcohol', and therapy is such an excellent tool to help you figure it all out and start to determine excatly how you want your life to be, what really makes you feel happy and purposeful, and then start making it happen. Without true happiness (or the feeling that you're working toward it), yeah, what's the point?

            So so proud of you for staying AF and being open to new solutions, despite the pain you're in. That's really beautiful karl. And rare.

            Love WW xx

            Comment

              #7
              hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

              Hi Karl~

              I'm happy to hear that you're going to get help. I can't wait to see a smile on your face because I'm sure it's a beautiful smile. And you WILL smile again. Sometimes life gives us these hiccups and we don't know what to do. I hope the therapy will help sort out what needs to be sorted in your life. Wishing you the best...let us know how it's going. We're always here to lend an ear!
              :flower: Change a life; make someone feel important. ................. ........................ ..................... ........................ ................. ....... sigpic

              Comment

                #8
                hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

                Karl,

                Some of your symptoms are definitely related to being AF. NOT THAT THAT IS A BAD THING!!

                Two very focal parts of your life have been changed/removed. You have a large gaping area to fill up.

                Please, please insure you find a therapist that understands addiction recovery. I believe that is critical for you. We have special needs. Lots of us have been drinking for so long that we don't really know who the heck we are.

                We want to fill up that empty space with GOOD things instead of destructive things.

                I am so sorry about Soph, btw, but as hard as it is to say, until you start healing and learning about yourself, it would be hard to get back with Soph. Take this in baby steps, Karl.

                Learn to love yourself so you can love others well, too.

                Hang in with the AF, going back to drinking now will only make things MUCH worse. You are doing fabulously. FABULOUSLY!! Even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

                I agree with others, you are one strong person for taking this on and doing as well as you are. You will start feeling great pretty soon if you keep going the way you are. In the end, you will be amazed at how good your life is becoming.

                Love,
                Cindi
                XXIV
                AF April 9, 2016

                Comment

                  #9
                  hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

                  Hi Karl,
                  I am sorry that you are in so much pain. It reminds me of how I felt when I went through my divorce. I felt lost and did not know who I was anymore.
                  There is a light at the end of the tunnel although you may not even be able to see it at this point in time. Just take it easy and give yourself time to heal.
                  Glad to hear you are taking care of yourself by going to therapy. Sounds like it is time to dispose of some old 'luggage'. I have been there, done that, and it was very liberating.
                  Hold on buddy, it WILL get better.

                  xxoo
                  ~Laura

                  Insanity                  : doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results................... Albert Einstein

                  Comment

                    #10
                    hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

                    Hey, Karl~

                    I am also very glad you booked yorself into therapy. I am not sure what I would have done without mine. I do know that I would have probably just gone back to my old, familiar ways had I not worked through and released a lot of old baggage. Be open, honest and as forthcoming with your therapist as possible. It is easy to hold back becasue no one is comfortable with opening up to strangers, but the more open you are the faster you will heal.

                    Stay connected. In the meantime, read posts here. There are many, mnay people that have gone through so much. I am sure you will find a lot of inspiration. Also, post - we will respond - we are here.

                    Congratulations to you for staying strong and AF! You have it in you.. be patient and never give up!

                    Namaste,

                    MM
                    Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

                      Hi Karl -- thanks for the update. Please be sure to tell the Dr. who you see exactly what you shared with us. I am hoping he can help you find a safe place where you can rest your weary head. You need protection from all this noise in life and we can help and so can the therapist. Ask him/her to help you find a safe spot to heal.

                      I have been close to where you are -- a very desolate experience. The only thing I can promise you, i PROMISE you, is that with help, things WILL get better. One day you will even see the sun shine and feel safe. I pray for you and look forward to being with you as you heal.
                      Matt

                      Comment

                        #12
                        hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

                        Karl,
                        Glad you are getting help. Sounds like you are also suffering from depression. Something pretty common when coming off of AL. Why not see a MD and communicate what you're feeling? He might be able to help. That and therapy could prove to be very powerful in your recovery.
                        Good luck, let us know how you make out.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

                          hi there karl..believe i know how you feel. i was just like that and i survive it . yes i try to kill myself but it didnt work. so here i am allmost 6 months later still working on alot of ways to better myself .and you can too.there is so much out there . that we can learn . from each other on this site . and so glad to hear you are getting the help you need .so for now please keep us posted .peace and god bless
                          :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
                          best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

                          Comment

                            #14
                            hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

                            Hey Karl
                            I am going to Pm you my mobile
                            please ring and have a chat or go on chat here
                            we need you as much as you need us ok.

                            Capt

                            Comment

                              #15
                              hard times never left. just were DISUISED day 11-13 AF

                              Karl.. so glad you are getting therapy... I have done that in the past and it really does help...

                              Just by having made that appt, you show that deep down you want to go on...

                              And like Capt Jack said, we need you as much as you need us.... Let us know how you're doing!!
                              P.S. You can't love if you don't love yourself... :heart:

                              As you wander through life, sister/brother, whatever be your goal, keep your eye upon the donut, and not upon the hole.
                              - Sign in the Mayflower Coffee Shop, Chicago

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