I have no support... well, maybe now...

[Guest]

I have no support... well, maybe now...

Yeah, I'm still here, Tawny - was on a road trip yesterday to do some work on my race car, then did some cart testing for a company that's opening a track here in St. Louis. It made for a busy day, but it was a good thing for me. This has been a real struggle; I can't wait for my "stuff" to arrive. I wish I could get my mind to slow down too. There are so many thoughts and worries that I'm having major mood swings.

[Guest]

I have no support... well, maybe now...

Just be glad you're not a woman! Ha! Good to see ya back around. It's almost a full moon too... We're all gonna be howling soon. Hope your stuff arrives soon. Have you been able to get any Kudzu or L-Glutamin to start out with?

[Guest]

I have no support... well, maybe now...

I guess I could but I haven't - I just need to make a trip to the local GNC I guess. I should get motivated and go - it would be wise to get all the help I can right now. Thanks for checking in with me. The feedback I'm getting is making me feel really good and keeping me positive. I really appreciate it!

[Guest]

I have no support... well, maybe now...

If you can... I'd go for it & get some Lglut & kudzu. Can't hurt. Also, are you sleeping OK? When I first quit cold turkey, I had a real hard time sleeping, the Meletonin helped a lot.

[Guest]

I have no support... well, maybe now...

That's good to know; sleep has been hit or miss for the last few days. I noticed that I'm looking really tired even when I'm not - actually, in my eyes, I look like $#!t. This is even more concerning since I feel that my girlfriend and I are doomed. She's still finding ways of making me feel substandard, even unintentionally. This is really wearing on me. I've never been conceited or arrogant, but generally considered myself a good looking guy - I guess a lot of nice compliments have come back around to me over the years. I've done nothing but give of myself with her and her kids, not that she gave nothing back. It's just that I've put my own things on hold so I can deal with her issues, and am labled as selfish when I do make time for me, which she seems to have no interest in sharing, helping, learning, and usually even hearing about. Maybe we're just too different, or maybe this is all a side effect of what led me here to start with. I've heard that many times relationships turn for the worst when alcohol is removed. I'm starting to see some of that, and while some are obvious I'm in a scramble to learn more of the reasons why. I'm also finding myself "hating me" - realizing all of the mistakes that led me to where I am; a number of failed relationships, financial and criminal impacts with a DWI, and all of the things I haven't done, seen, or experienced because of the laziness of living life in a bottle. ...even health issues; I'm 6'2" but still could use about 20 lbs. I hope that the sups, excercise, and lack of alcohol will help all of this. I think my biggest worries are going back to the same lifestyle (since I've never gone more than a couple of weeks without some kind of drink), and never being able to forgive myself for all of the self destruction I've imposed on myself over the years. I know my family and friends will forgive me; I know the kind of people they are... But can I forgive myself once I've earned it? I feel like I'm dumping all this garbage on you, but I think it's really helping me get things sorted out. I think understanding what's causing me to drink (lately it's pain) is something I really need to know to get better. - THANKS!!!

[Guest]

I have no support... well, maybe now...

Hi BetterIget..
I havent posted yet, but have read and kept up. I'm so proud of you, but know this is the toughest time just "weaning" off and getting used to the new you. It will get easier if you can just hang on for the first rough waves. I am no expert at this, as I am doing moderation. But I know when I do periods of abstinence, its always the first night that is the worst, then the second night almost seems worse than before, so I tend to cave and think "It will always be this hard." But then by day three... Its not that you dont desire it or think about it, you just FEEL better, love how much more you are getting done and think.. "hey" maybe I can keep going! I have my ups and downs, but I will say that I am SO MUCH better on a regular basis than before I discovered this. Even my bad days are not as bad as my old "good days"... if that makes sense!

I wanted to respond as well to what you mentioned about an earlier post where someone mentioned our relationships can tend to get worse when you eliminate the alcohol. I think that is really based on how YOU or ME were doing with alcohol when the relationship started. Sounds like your over consumption prior and after your divorce maybe made you feel you had to make up for it in other ways by buying her a house, doing so much for her so she would tolerate the drinking. (I am just guessing, so if I am off base, that is what lack of face to face conversation gets me I think!)

But in my situation, when I married, I was not drinking at all for a "season." My husband thought I didnt drink at all... he had no idea that I had been battling since my divorce. I started doing really well when I had to go to work full time and be the Dad and Mom... didnt leave much time to drink and was too tired when I fell in the bed by 8 p.m. anyway. So that is when he met me... the damsel in distress!! By then I was used to not drinking, and no longer thought it an issue. But after we got married, I was no longer working (we moved, had to leave my job), so I got bored. He travelled... so you know the rest of the story. All that to say..... drinking has NOT helped my marriage at all, and the more I have gotten it under control, the more my husband is falling in love with me again. I have caught him on more than one occasion just staring at me with tears in his eyes on nights when I am not drinking and we are just having fun like normal people. And I ask him, "What?" and he just shakes his head and smiles and says, "You look really beautiful tonight." That is HUGE motivation for me to want to look beautiful more often...

Hate those red eyes and mean words... who the heck wants to snuggle up to that?

Wishing you all the best!
Allie

[Guest]

I have no support... well, maybe now...

You're right. Thanks for your input, Allie. Your husband sounds like a really great guy. You're lucky to have someone to encourage you and point out the good things about you.

I'm glad for Monday to be here (I never thought I'd hear myself say that); it was a very depressing weekend for me. I visited my parents on Sat. but I was alone the rest of the time. I couldn't seem to do anything but sleep.