Day 6

[Guest]

I am now beginning day 6. Day 5 was the hardest so far. Very stressful day. My drinking follows a very self destructive pattern - like most everyone's I suppose. When I am in emotional pain I run to alcohol to numb it instead of trying to deal with it and move past it. I then end up feeling bad about myself and it turns into a vicious cycle. The crazy part is that I drink when I feel good as well. That is the reward type drinking that ends up bringing me down and cancels out any good feelings I had for something positive I had done in my life. So self destructive. It's like a tape that plays over and over in my head - destroy your life - you aren't worthy. The tape is slowly stopping and the CD's are helping. I do have a difficult time making my mind stop and be quiet. Anyone else have that problem?
I am so very, very grateful for everyone here. I know your voices come from all over the world and I hear so much struggle and pain in all of your stories. So many of you face so much in your lives in addition to your struggle with alcohol and I am so humbled by it. Thank you for sharing the stories of your brave battles - thank you for the hope you bring to mine.
The real pain in my life is now gone - but it began early and went on for decades. The biggest problem I have now is not destroying the happiness I now am blessed with. I have been conditioned to believe I am not worthy of happiness and am trying to destroy it now that I have it. This program is the first real ray of hope I have had in finding a way out of this mess I now find myself in. This mess I created with alcohol and self loathing.
Thank you all again for sharing your stories. It is a real miracle that MYO can unite us in this way to share our stories, our ups and downs, our questions, our frustrations. We are coming together - all different ages, nationalities, backgrounds, religions - as common souls with a common goal and journey. Again, I think it is a miracle.
Blessings to you all and thank you again.
wellseasoned

[Guest]

Day 6

Wellseasoned,

I am so glad you were able to make it through day five and come here and share it with us! I hope you are beginning to "uncondition" your belief that you do not deserve happiness, nothing could be further from the truth for any of us!!

This site does unite us all on a common ground, in a common battle, striving for a common goal. I wish for you continued success and growth on your journey!!

Donna

[Guest]

Day 6

Wellseasoned, I am in day seven with you, and it is mothers day. I am more sensitive than usual and find myself crying at the drop of the so called hat. Day 6 wasn't bad until winetime, then it was all I could do to not pour myself a big glass of wine. I kept fighting my abstenence. I drank water, I walked the floor, I went to the bath, I got on the computer, and watched TV. I was jittery inside and as nerveous as a cat. I took 2 calms forte tablets, and used the relaxing techniques from track 2 of the hypnotic cd. and got through it. This was the worst since starting. When I went to bed and listened to the sleep to sleep, I fell asleep quickly and had the best nights sleep since starting the program. I pray I don't go through that restlessness again this evening. I went to church this AM and everything there made me cry, came home, my husband made me cry, then later, my kids and grandkids made me cry. This is not like me. I haven't been myself since starting this program. I don't know if it's the meds/sups , or doing without alcohol. Let's report back on day 8.
You mentioned your problem with paying attention when listening to the cd's. I have a little problem with that too, because I keep wondering if I am in the deep hypnotic state that the voice tells me I am. I know I could open my eyes if I wanted to. My mind tells me that I am still in controll. I have never been hypnotized before and don't know what to expect. Can anyone explain this to me? Sticking to it, E.

[Guest]

Day 6

E. and Donna
Made it through Mother's Day! Whew. Not easy, this whole weekend, but made it through. E., I have not been myself this past week in many ways either - short tempered - sensitive - but I am thinking very clearly and for the first time in a very long time getting a foothold on feeling better about myself. I am not as depressed and down on myself. I don't feel as nervous and that feeling of free floating anxiety is definitely lessened. I also don't feel like I have to rush around geting things done so I can get home in time to drink that bottle of wine to numb my senses. The past few months I have felt like the wine was a regular ball and chain. AS for the CD's - I have a very active mind and getting it to be quiet can be difficult. I've never been hypnotized, so can't offer insight there. I do feel they are helping ,though. Anyway, Happy Mother's Day (I had two deserts at brunch today to celebrate - small ones) - Day 7 - and good luck with tomorrow. I say, we can't give up, even if you are feeling out of sorts - I know we can do this!

[Guest]

Day 6

Dear Wellseasoned and Eliziby,
I just wanted to let you both know that I just read your posts and am truly inspired by them! It has only been a few months since I was doing those first few days... I remember the sensitivity and the crying when I was first abstaining. I still will do some periods of abstaining, so I have to remember the strength involved.
You both are doing great!!! Please stay true to your goals. Thank you for your honesty.
Take care and keep posting.
Becca