Well, the past 2 weeks have sucked and I'm back to state my intentions to get back on the program.
PMS, misbehaving dog, overwhelmed with moving back to the US and all the work that entails, trying to finish a big graphics project ... that was the first week.
This week a reminder about my family and how screwed up they are: a division between the "Ivy Leagers" and the stepchildren who didn't go to college but are really just as smart and in some ways more accomplished. We share a lake cottage thats now into the 3rd generation of owners and its such a messy situation ... what used to be the best place in the world is someplace I'm not even sure I want to have in my future. Self-absorbed, selfish people making me have this big psychic breakdown this week and I'm sure they have no idea I left the east coast to distance myself from them, even though it was almost 20 years ago ... its like I never existed.
I feel so tired and yet I have so much to do. My body feels old before its time. I know the AL is killing me. I spent 2 days this week in bed, hungover but also just wishing for the peace of sleep.
I know these problems pale in comparison to other peoples' but it still hurts SO MUCH. I always wanted this big loving family, which I thought I had, but it turns out it was all a big lie perpetuated by my grandmother, who was my role model as a strong female, and perhaps the biggest liar of them all.
So now I need to get out of this funk. It feels like the storm has passed. Onward and upward. Please forgive me for asking for encouragement. I hate to ask for help or sympathy as I usually feel I am unworthy but I'm trying to get over it.
Thank you.
PMS, misbehaving dog, overwhelmed with moving back to the US and all the work that entails, trying to finish a big graphics project ... that was the first week.
This week a reminder about my family and how screwed up they are: a division between the "Ivy Leagers" and the stepchildren who didn't go to college but are really just as smart and in some ways more accomplished. We share a lake cottage thats now into the 3rd generation of owners and its such a messy situation ... what used to be the best place in the world is someplace I'm not even sure I want to have in my future. Self-absorbed, selfish people making me have this big psychic breakdown this week and I'm sure they have no idea I left the east coast to distance myself from them, even though it was almost 20 years ago ... its like I never existed.
I feel so tired and yet I have so much to do. My body feels old before its time. I know the AL is killing me. I spent 2 days this week in bed, hungover but also just wishing for the peace of sleep.
I know these problems pale in comparison to other peoples' but it still hurts SO MUCH. I always wanted this big loving family, which I thought I had, but it turns out it was all a big lie perpetuated by my grandmother, who was my role model as a strong female, and perhaps the biggest liar of them all.
So now I need to get out of this funk. It feels like the storm has passed. Onward and upward. Please forgive me for asking for encouragement. I hate to ask for help or sympathy as I usually feel I am unworthy but I'm trying to get over it.
Thank you.
Comment