Need to save my family from me

[fairyfeet]

I can't beleive the awful things I do when I have too much to drink, I know I am going to loose everything if I cant get this under control. I dont remember half the stuff, just praying the next day please help me stop. I have total blackouts and have physically injured myself and smashed up things in the house and I really cant remember.
I drink at home and when my family tell me what I was like the night before I could curl up and die.
I am seriously depressed, have even considered suicide but my beloved Grandson keeps me going
Can I ever be me again because I quite like me but it seems like the rest of the world has given up on me
I feel so lonely and no one knows I just cry inside all the time. Everyone thinks I am just an alchoholic, they dont listen to me anymore even when I am sober they dont listen
I try to say please leave me with my thoughts and I dont want to drink anymore but they talk over my head, like Im not here I may be an alchoholic but I am still a person
And I am very lonely all the time.

[Thankful]

Need to save my family from me

Fairyfeet ~ welcome. Congrats on coming here trying to get help.

You will find a lot of support and inspiration here.

Read and post a lot. It helps to get things off your chest. There is something very soothing about talking to strangers. Post away.

Love, Me
:l

[Bandit]

Need to save my family from me

Hello

Hi Fairyfeet,
I know it is impossible for someone else to say 'I know how you feel' but I think a lot of people who post here could certainly relate and sympathize with a lot of what you describe.
I too have had really bad nights where I cannot remember what I have done. Despite doing quite well lately, quite recently I fell asleep in my daughter's bed and woke up at 3am - being honest i cannot really remember very well putting my kids to bed and when I awoke at 3am I realised that I had not locked the doors (which was really bad considering my husband was away for the night) and I also had broken at least one glass and bowl which I found on the kitchen floor the next morning. My children are still very young and I do not want them to have these memories of me.
I am quite new here and not yet following the programme fully but have read the book. However, just reading the posts and posting has helped greatly and after ordering some aspects of the programme I hope to embrace it more fully - fancy joining in?
Best wishes,
bandit

[better:)]

Need to save my family from me

Hi There Fairy Feet

Please don't give up!!!! There are people out there who care for you!!!! I have been where you are at and you WILL make it through!! Depression and alcohol go hand and for me too. Please, do NOT give up on yourself!! You are worthy of a wonderful, happy and productive life! Many, many hugs to you this evening Ms. Feet :l:h

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

Thank you I get so emotional sorry

[Bandit]

Need to save my family from me

Fairyfeet,
Don't apologise for emotions - it's what makes us who we are. It is keeping the feelings in that is so often the problem
Bandit

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

I woke up in bed with me Nan dead and it killed me soz

[Bandit]

Need to save my family from me

Hi Fairyfeet,
I am not sure what happened with your Nan - do you want to talk about it?
This website is just a great place to get stuff off our chests with strangers who will not judge us in anyway other than to often think 'that sounds like it could be me'.
Feel free to post away.
Bandit

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

i drink to blank things out

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

i am just crying all th etime i cant srop i miss my nan so much she was my mum

[Bandit]

Need to save my family from me

I know,
But the feeling only lasts for a very short time and then it comes back ten fold the next day.
The bit I hate the most if I have been drinking a lot is the early hours of the morning - I call it the 'true time' when you wake up with the true way you feel about who you are and the day ahead - the naked hour and the time I feel the most alone - most alone with me
Bandit

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

i just am dead i suppoe i am so sad and lonely i crry all the time supposed to br something other people want me to be

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

Yes i dont need to be laid bare it kills me

[Bandit]

Need to save my family from me

I know it must be hard - were you very close to her?
I cannot sympathise as I have not lost my mum but I have lost my dad and grandparents.I have to admit I am not as close to my mum as I would like to be. I know we love each other but we very rarely talk about anything close to our hearts. I think that has been one of the major regrets of my life as I have never really had close female friends that I can discuss girly or female things with - grew up with a lot of men and have always been better at male freindships
I am going to bed now as I am feeling quite tired but please keep posting and feel free to send me a private message if you want to keep on talking.
Best Wishes,
Bandit

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

I WANT THEM TO SEE ME HOW I WAS

i was a llways a very positive sort of person i dont know if i can be positive again no one brleives in me anymore an i d no one listens to me anymore no one is interested in me cos i am dead i am so lonely and so alone i jist hope people know when i die iloved them