Need to save my family from me

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

Hello Everyone

Thank you so much for your replies
I was beginning to think I didnt exist,Im so busy looking after everyone else!
I never drink in the day, only at night,but I cant get up in the morning and feel lousy all day.
Ive lost loads of weight cos I havent been eating and smoking 40 cigarettes a day
I have tried to stop drinking several times in the past and have been referred to a clinic through the doctor, right in the middle of my home dryout treatment my councellor anounced he was going away for a fortnight
I have tried the AA and that turned out a bit of a disaster, they gave me a councellor to speak to who turned really weird on me, he phoned me from a phone box with his girlfriend screaming at him outside, then he wanted to know where I lived, then he started asking personal question about my underwear and stuff. He only lived about 40 miles away and wanted me to go and meet him. I t really freaked me out, I was not in a good frame of mind anyway so I changed my number and was on edge for weeks.
I really would like to stop though, I just feel ill all the time, but if I dont have a drink at night I cant sleep and one allways leads to the full bottle.
I bought some Kalms today though so I do know these help if I can remember to take them!
I am looking forward to reading all the posts thank you all again.

[readytotry]

Need to save my family from me

Dear Fairyfeet,
You must be a wonderful, family-oriented, loving person for that little grandson to want to come live with you. As young girls, so many of us dreamed of being married and raising children to love and then having the reward and joy of grandchildren. Please take care of yourself for that little innocent....he would miss you so very much if you were not in his world.
I am so sorry about your mother. I lost mine 5 years ago and still want to talk to her and hug her and ask her advice. I had too much wine the other night and told my husband that I wanted my momma. He gently replied that he wanted his, too....she died 15 years ago and he was her darling (the only boy) and he is a doctor and he had to pronounce her dead. It was awful. It took him a year to grieve properly.
I am struggling with using alcohol to reduce stress and I need everyone's help. We can all encourage each other. I got kudzu today and am going to try my best not to drink at our best friends' house tonight for supper.
I told my doctor how depressed I was and that I was going to stop drinking and he said that I was too valuable a person to give in to the depression and the drinking. He put me on lexapro, as whatever I was taking wasn't working, and he encouraged me not to drink.
I have cheated, but am really trying now.
Good for you for getting the book.
I know you feel miserable at vulnerable times of the day, but please try not to anesthetize those feelings with alcohol. I have been trying to figure out why it's a drink that I want and not hard exercise or chocolate or a walk or a good movie. Those things worked when I was a child, why not now?
Sorry to ramble on, but I really care and am praying for you. I hope you are better and better.

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

To Readytotry

Everyone has been so encouraging here, despite all their own troubles, its so good to talk to someone at last
I really hope you get through tonight
God bless you both and Thank you for your reply

[Bandit]

Need to save my family from me

Hi Fairyfeet and also Ready to Try,
Glad to see that you are back Fairyfeet
I know what you mean Ready to Try - other treats like chocolate,a movie etc. that work so well on my own kids at present - why don't they work for me - I love the simple innocence of kids and what they look forward to and lately (as I have given up work to mind them) I have really tried to dive into their world. They go to bed so looking forward to the next day and so up early to grab the day by its ......
Best wishes,
Bandit

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

To Bandit

Thank you for listening to me bandit I really needed to talk the other night. I have 5 children, they are all grown up now, but still act like little kids!

[Bandit]

Need to save my family from me

Hi Fairyfeet,
Hope you are feeling better tonight.
I don't think children ever really grow up - someone said us adults are just children that owe money!!
My mother has always said that you never stop worrying about your own no matter what age they are. Congrats on 5 (and a business and your grandhild - OMG)- I am finding two hard (age 3 and 5). I think it is just that I was used to working full-time and gave up work about ten months ago to look after them full-time - not as easy as expected! - but glad I made the decision.
My own mum had nine so how she managed I really do not know.
However, no matter how much you love them you have to look after yourself too.
I am now off to bed again - I have to say with this AF thing I an finding I go to bed earlier every night - just genuinely tired.
Talk to you tomorrow hopefully
Bandit:h

[Miso]

Need to save my family from me

Welcome Fairy and Ready. You both have found such a wonderful site. There is so much information here, from the posts and also the research sections. I keep clicking and learning more. Just know that you aren't alone in your struggle. We all share a common denominator, AL. I wish you both the strength you need to get you to where you want to be.

And Bandit, I love, love, love your avatar!!! :h It is precious. Your words to Fairy and Ready have been so kind and encouraging.

Miso :heart:

[Guest]

Need to save my family from me

Welcome to the Board, this is a great group of people. You will really like it here. Im so sorry you are going through this. I lost my Nana three years ago and the pain is still very real. She was the best woman I ever knew, and like a second mother to me. I only have one child to chase after all day, and she wipes me out! I can't imagine having 5 like you did. Congrats for that!

Keep posting and reading all the others have to say, it really does help.

All the best,
Gia

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

Escape from life

I have attepted suicide a few times when I have had too much to drink, now I realise it was pure self indulgence, but a real cry for help
I would like to tell my story I am cracking up not being able to put my thoughts to anyone else, you see it is complicated and scary
So I would like to have a rant
I have 5 children, my youngset son Joshua is a sensitive soul, he is suicidal having just split up with his long term girlfriend, and although he is only 17 I can see the haunted look in his eyes, I managed to stop him taking an overdose last week, but he still wants to die without her, they truly are soulmates I know
Two years ago my third eldest son had a baby Shane with his long term partner. and my soulmate was born, I love him to bits that child, his Mum is a druggie and so is his Dad sometimes, when he was born social services wuld not let her take him home unless me and her mum said we would watch out for him
I have had him every day and every time I can, my family is falling apart because they dont realise I have to give him priority my business has nearly gone too, but I have to give him a chance, she lost a baby before him and I had to bury another Grandchild after him she has just had another little boy and was on drugs when she went into labour, so they wouldnt give her any painkillers, she left the hospital an hour late rand the police broke the door down and took her back in they said there was something wrong with the baby before he was born but she wouldnt go for the mri scan
She smashed a mirror over my sons head when he had Shane in his arms and she brbricked the car window when AShane was in it he was about 6 months old at the time
She goes off for days at atime and leaves him now she wants to go off this wekend and leave both of them here, I do not drink when I have him overnight, but then I binge the night after cos I an so unhappy for him, they dont care about him
Everytime my other kids go there they rescue him to me my partner is going mad cos he says he bought up my 4 kids and Joshua his son and now its time I let go but I dont care about money, I dont care about me I just want my family to stop falling apart
Although they are adults my children seem to be a bit resentfull that I have to drop everything for Shane, but his Mum and Dad get violent God knows what will happen with the new baby, I know that I cant take on two
His other Nan has another daughter and has to do the same for her they were under social services left home and school when they were 12 and druggies with kids what can I do I run a business and am so depressed I cant even answer the phone some days,
But my partner will take the house we fought so hard for if I dont pull myself together

[fairyfeet]

Need to save my family from me

alert

last night i really needed to get hammered and escape, no theres no escape i fear for joshua my son is lost without her i feel so helpless

[findingme]

Need to save my family from me

fairyfeet,
not to sound harsh but the alcohol will not bring your nan back. i am sorry for your loss but you are going to lose yourself if you continue this way. if no one in your life is willing to support you then find a group that will. it is all about changing your habits and omitting those that hurt and not help you. i would say your first step would be to stop hiding your pain and let your family no exactly how much pain you are in. my family had no idea how much i drank. i didnt care about myself at all 2 mnths ago. now i am loving life again. there is only one thing left to do. love yourself and others will follow. best of luck. and i am sure your nan is with you.