I'm just starting out

[Seto]

Hi everyone
I am getting confused as to where to post. I think this is a good place for me as well as the monthly abstinence board. I'm 31, married and have two beautiful daughters (5 months and one 2 years old). I have realised that I have always had a problem with drinking, as early as 17 years old. I wouldn't drink during the week but on a weekend I would drink myself to oblivian, blackouts the lot. After I got married and settled down (around 23) my drinking starting in the house. Sometimes controlled, sometimes not. After I had my first daughter I suffered bad post natal depression, I was put on ADs and drink became my "calm". It escalated from a couple of glasses to 1 bottle to boxes where I didn't know how much I was consuming. My marriage suffered and I had problems with my family. Luckily I fell pregnant (unplanned but still very much wanted) and stopped immediately. Everything was fine during my pregnancy, I did crave wine but managed to abstain. Once my second daughter was born I suffered post natal depression again with a vengence. I stupidly resorted back to "my old friend" AL. Now, here I am 5 months on and WANT TO STOP. I can't let things go the way they did before. I have done a lot of soul searching over the past few weeks and have decided that my relationship with AL has got to end. For my daughters, my marriage and importantly myself. So far I have managed 1 night,last night. So can I join this thread and share my journey with you all as clearly we all have something in common. I'm looking forward to being AL free, being the mother I can be and the wife I know I can be. I have hope. I have dreams I want to fufill. Look forward to hearing from you all. XXXSeto

[Cinders]

I'm just starting out

Seto,

:welcome:

This thread is as good a place as any to start!!

I am not sure how much you drink daily but if it is a lot please read the link posted at the top of the page about alcohol withdrawal symptoms. If you think you might be so physically addicted to alcohol that you are at risk of seizures, you need to get to a doctor to help with the first stages.

It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do and want to do.

I hope you have downloaded RJ's book and read it. It is a very helpful book, even if your goal is abstinence. There is a wealth of information in there about our problem and she has done exhaustive research (and continues to) on what causes it and how to make it easier to quit.

I cannot recommend the supplements (you can buy them other places if you think MWO is too expensive) enough. They help greatly reduce a lot of the physical issues we face as alcoholics.

With a 5 month old and an older one to take care of, I can imagine that drinking too much at night and dealing with physical and mental anguish from the drinking is really rough. So, for you to start for sobriety is a great idea. Your life will become much better, if not less hectic, I remember those early mom days. Sleep is a welcome friend at those times.

We are here to help and support you in anyway you need.

Take care,
Cindi
XXVIII

[boozehag]

I'm just starting out

Welcome Seto
You can do it and you have time on your side. I wish I had reached the same realisation at 31. There is lots of help here and people to talk to and help you on your way.
Keep posting.
BH

[tlrgs]

I'm just starting out

great job on day 1. keep coming back. you can do this .good luck and god bless

[happy4once]

I'm just starting out

Welcome Seto - there are many others here with babies as well and I think Post Partum must really escalate things from an alcohol standpoint. I saw it with myself and I am seeing it now with a SIL. Seems like the alcohol is the only thing that helps when we are in it...and your body is so beaten up from pregnancy, birth, lack of sleep - you just take anything that actually makes you feel normal again. Doesn't mean you are a horrible person, it just makes you a person that is exhausted and reaching for the wrong thing because that's all your brained has trained you to do so far.

Post here and if you can, download and read the book. The supplements really do help, but I'm not sure if they list what is ok to take if you are breastfeeding. If you are not, please try to get some - they help with the withdrawal and cravings.

Congratulations on Day 1 -- keep it going!

[4tops]

I'm just starting out

Hi Seto, I posted here the first time last week...very same scenario, except I'm just a few years older, and have 4 children, so I've done the PPD, the ADs and "wine to calm" 4 times. I'm home with them all day, we homeschool. And I love it. But it is so hard. The monotony, the pressure, the being "on" all the time. I would say I'm at a point where I abuse it? 3-5 glasses nightly? And it's not like it's "craving", it's more like, habit, I just prefer it, I don't know. I can do without, but don't want to? Something like that. Well, this week, I'm going to try to moderate. None during the week, but wait for Friday/Sat evenings, with my husband. I think there are a lot of us "suburban (don't know where you live) mom drinkers" that probably would never be sniffed out by someone else, at least not by those who don't live with us. I can say I even function fine. Very well. But have a bit of headache sometimes the next day. I don't leave anything undone, I just do it with wine. To get away from all the hubbub and chaos that comes with a home and 4 children. In what part of the country to do you live? It's nice here in the south, I'm going to try getting out at "cocktail" hour with the children, on a walk around the block this week. Something to break up the routine of starting dinner and a bottle of wine. I'd love to hear how you do...

[Gathings]

I'm just starting out

you can do it!

seto,

:welcome: i'm so proud of you for taking your first steps towards becoming AF. i understand so much of your dilemma - motherhood, anxiety, wine, etc. when i read what you've shared, it helps me just in knowing that i'm not the only one out there with those issues. i found this site a little over a week ago, after a night of heavy drinking (red wine) and a crapload of shame for myself. i look at myself today, and see a different person - someone that i'm not ashamed of... and that's just the beginning.
there are some really great threads on here that will help give you perspective as you embark on your journey - aceofbase's sad but hopeful and ukblonde's threads, for example, are just some. also, i've journaled in my thread everyday so that i could look back eventually at the big picture and see how far i've come...
i'm on supplements, and just got the book and cd's - all of which i highly recommend. please feel free to message me! i'll check back with you later! until then, stay strong:h!

[CS04]

I'm just starting out

Wine and motherhood

Seto,
I understand how you feel. I have a 19-month old (as well as a 17 year old stepson) but life changes totally for women after having a baby. I used to have "beer nights" OR "wine nights" but now everynight is BOTH. Once I hit the red wine it seems there's no going back. I did not have post partum depression, in fact everyone said how stressful the early months would be, but I felt none of that. But I also knew that once I went back to work, and everything else kicked in, that I would get overwhelmed. Well that was over a year ago and I feel severely depressed. It has been a rough weekend, but I've had some good conversations with hubby. Seto, are you nursing? I ask because that's a concern for me as to a decision about Tops, suups or possibly an antidepressant. There are many moms on these boards so you will find plenty in common. Feel free to share.

CS

[Seto]

I'm just starting out

Thank you for all you lovely replies. No I am not nursing. I started ADs 1 week after the birth so decided that I wouldn't. I feel very ashamed today as I ruined all my good intentions yesterday. My husband was away yesterday night and my anxiety returned as its the first night alone I have had, on my way home from my mums I bought a bottle of wine. After I put the kids to bed I had the full bottle. I wasn't drunk but its not the point is it? I feel like the worst mother in the world today. I am a liar to my husband who is not aware I had been drinking. I must admit as well that my anxiety is really at a high today. I am alone and have been feeling panicky for the last couple of hours - its probably the effect of the alcohol and ADs plus the fact that I had a rough nights sleep because of the little one. On a more positive note I logged on today and found all your messages of support and it has put a smile on my face so thank you. I am starting day 1 AF again today and hope to reach Day 30 at some point. Thanks everyone XXXXSeto

[on my way]

I'm just starting out

Seto,

Read "Just like a swimming pool" in general discussion. It all takes time. You will get there, believe in yourself!!

I understand anxiety, I have a bunch....i mean a BUNCH of kids, one has a profound handicap requires 24hour care. The rest are busy kids, going all the time. I have a stressful job and am somewhat weak-willed. If I can do this, you can Just do not give up.

Has anyone seen anything from Matthen????

On my way

[Nicole2003]

I'm just starting out

Hi there, welcome here, sounds like your making some very positive decisions about your future. And really that is the first step -wanting to do something about it. There are loads of mums on here, you'll read so many stories similar to your own and lots of great support and advice.
Nicole

[4tops]

I'm just starting out

Seto,

4tops, I was thinking of you yesterday...I started out AF yesterday morning, did great till about 8 pm when my husband came in with a horrible day at work on him, and brought vodka! Which we never have! But the good thing was, I only had 2, just 2 drinks...small, well measured vodka tonics. And went to bed sober. I think there is a point in that, not drinking till passing out. Maintaining control, not just pouring glass after glass...but I understand you were frustrated with yourself yesterday...just keep trying. Because then tonight, I've had 2.5 glasses of wine (husband working really late again), but I'm stopping and going to bed. Only very slight buzz. Very in control, again, and these are big steps for me. The last few months, it's been a bottle + every night, sometimes more. Some progress is better than no progress. Right?

Anyway, just wanted you to know you're not alone. Do not beat yourself up. Just keep going.