Here I go AGAIN!

[aduggan]

Hi I think this is about the fourth time I have started on here. The first time I did really well, I did 30 days AF and felt fantastic, but when I started to moderate, the drinks crept up and up, so I tried a couple of times more over the last 12 months and yep, couldnt (or wouldnt do it). I just seem to have a self destruct button inside that will not allow me to be happy. ie as soon as it starts to feel good, I have to spoil it. It is the same with my diet, I am grossly overweight and whenever I lose a few pounds and start feeling good, I always blow it. Almost as if I dont deserve to be happy and healthy - I don't know, I dont understand it.

Anyhow, today I am going to go AF, I am commiting that I will definitely go AF until 26th April when my friends come out for a holiday to visit me. Maybe I will continue after that I would like to, but also at the moment, I feel I would also like to drink lots of wine with them, like I normally do.

Any help and advice anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated, for some reason, the supplements, kudzo, etc dont seem to be enough any more. I really think it is more of a mindset with me, ie it is this damn self destruct button.

HELP!!1

[Karl1981]

Here I go AGAIN!

hi there im af for 18 days now. im going through alot too at the moment same as you.. i must admit it was hard to start but its getting easyer every day.. the only thing u have to do is believe in your self.. stop drinking. and start walking to get rid of some of the extra pounds you talk of..

I know the feeling of the 'i dont deserve to be happy and healthy' i think it every day too.. i also think of ending it most days at some point of the day.. but i pull through.. well have done so far.
Im going through a break up with the girl i wanted to marry because of drinking. so im dealing with two things same as you..

Life is hard, its really hard.. im only 26 and find it all too much.

Go AF. if i can do it after drinking 2 or more bottles of wine each and every night im sure you can too.. i have the faith in U. and you need the FAITH in your self to become the person you want to be.

Its hard but we all here will be here to give the love and support you need...

GOOD LUCK

anytime you need support pm me or write on these boards.. it helps alot..

Take care

Karl

[aduggan]

Here I go AGAIN!

thank you so much for your help Karl, I feel that maybe you can help me through this. I am also a two bottle of wine a night girl. I know that all of my friends and family are so fed up with me. We have dinner parties or go to friends houses and I ALWAYS drink more than everyone else, I can see them judging and whispering (wont say anything to my face) but I am still not shamed into slowing down or stopping. Once I have one drink, I cant stop, everyone else seems to have a cut off button which says STOP I have had enough. Me - NEVER, I just carry on until bedtime regardless of how much.

Last night I went to my daughters boyfriends house for the first time, I know my daughter was watching everything I was drinking, but it still didnt stop me from drinking more than everyone else, and then making an excuse to go home early because everyone had stopped drinking and I wanted another drink. In the cold light of day I am so ashamed! But once 6pm comes along the cycle starts again.

It is so hard, because all social occasions involve drink, and my work involves lots of socialising where drink is always involved so I cant keep away from it.

Any help!!

[Karl1981]

Here I go AGAIN!

ill help all i can pm me if you need anything.. i have the same problem i want to go out and meet new people but its hard just to drink tonic water. while everyone else is getting pissed.. i did it on sat night though.. bit boring really