So, I was sober for a year- then I began drinking again. 9 monthes later it was a problem again. So I quit again.. for a year.
I recently moved to be with my fiance' in Aug 05'. My drinking has hurt him in the past. I tend to be promiscuious when I drink. I am a compulsive kisser.
Anyway- he likes drinking socially, and I alway feel left out. It began to be a problem in the beginning. I didn't know anyone, and I kinda needed him there for me. I felt him not drinking would make me feel more at ease.
Eventually in Feb. we discussed my drinking socially. We had wine with dinner. I wanted to binge, but I didn't. I have never drank without him.
3 weeks ago, he went to a party and had too much of the wrong stuff. He honestly did not drink enough to get so sick- it is what he drank. I had to come and take care of him. I poured a glass of wine. I had felt our relationship was on the rocks in the past weeks. I drank... I beinged... and I kissed a friend and people saw me naked.
I've made a fool of myself. I know I made the choice. However, quiting doesn't seem to work. It always leads back here... to a horrible situation where I say @#%$ it.
My 4 year relationship is over in spite of it. It is easy to blame the alcohol, and just quit. BUT.. I think there are underlining causes of my behavior. I don't think Im a alcoholic.. I think I use it as an excuse.
In the weeks prior I was terrified of my relationship failing. Drinking gave me the excuse to @#%$ it all up. He is sick of us dealing with the same problems. It is really over.
I am heartbroken. I have lost everything... and the last thing I want to do is drink.
Whats wrong with me?
I recently moved to be with my fiance' in Aug 05'. My drinking has hurt him in the past. I tend to be promiscuious when I drink. I am a compulsive kisser.
Anyway- he likes drinking socially, and I alway feel left out. It began to be a problem in the beginning. I didn't know anyone, and I kinda needed him there for me. I felt him not drinking would make me feel more at ease.
Eventually in Feb. we discussed my drinking socially. We had wine with dinner. I wanted to binge, but I didn't. I have never drank without him.
3 weeks ago, he went to a party and had too much of the wrong stuff. He honestly did not drink enough to get so sick- it is what he drank. I had to come and take care of him. I poured a glass of wine. I had felt our relationship was on the rocks in the past weeks. I drank... I beinged... and I kissed a friend and people saw me naked.
I've made a fool of myself. I know I made the choice. However, quiting doesn't seem to work. It always leads back here... to a horrible situation where I say @#%$ it.
My 4 year relationship is over in spite of it. It is easy to blame the alcohol, and just quit. BUT.. I think there are underlining causes of my behavior. I don't think Im a alcoholic.. I think I use it as an excuse.
In the weeks prior I was terrified of my relationship failing. Drinking gave me the excuse to @#%$ it all up. He is sick of us dealing with the same problems. It is really over.
I am heartbroken. I have lost everything... and the last thing I want to do is drink.
Whats wrong with me?
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