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**Guest** · March 31, 2006, 05:37 PM

newbie

kiani

Wow, Kiani - you have had so much pain in your life. I think most of us here drink/drank to numb some kind of pain - and you have had so many terribly painful things happen to you - it's no wonder you are struggling. It' s great that you have found this site and want to make a change. It really is a great programme - lots of support and a really freindly bunch of people.

I know what you mean about privacy and worrying about going to the Dr - but it is their duty and responsibilty to treat you in complete confidence. What with your illness and worrying about your daughter too - you must be under an incredible amount of strain. Take your time on this site - you will get lots of support. We are here for you. You may feel able to talk to your Dr after spending a few days with us here. You certainly sound like you could do with some support right now.

Where are you from (country) most people here are fron the states, there are some Aussies and a few Brits (i'm one of them!)

Take care and keep posting,

Lulu

**Guest** · March 31, 2006, 05:44 PM

newbie

hi

im a brit also ive been dabling in my drinkin probs for a while now 1/2 bottles of wine a nite i cant stand it anymore as ive said hubby works away 20 odd days a month and when he comes home just wants to be out i know this is most of mt prob even though it sort of started b4 him but not on this scale i want to order topa online but scared thanks

**Guest** · March 31, 2006, 06:08 PM

newbie

hi

Wine is my weakness too. Recently it was 2 bottles a night, in the past it has been more. I've been drinking heavily like that for about 15 years. I started this programme 4 weeks ago and have clocked up 21 completely alcohol free days since then. I'm not using topa, but many people are and find it works for them. Can't remember the place where other brits have got it - jenny, michelle can you help me out?

What are you scared of? Stupid question I know, i was terrified when I first came here - it is a very scary time admitting to having a problem and then taking those first steps to doing something about it.

Listen, I'm going to bed now -its been a long day

Send me an ez mail if you want, if you register you can also receive them.

take care - we can chat more tomorrow if you want.

Lulu xx

**Guest** · April 1, 2006, 01:26 PM

newbie

Hi i am new too!

Hello to you all,I am a 44yr old healthcare proffesional who works almost full time i have two fantastic kids of 10 & 8yrs.I am trying desparateley to come to terms with the end of a mostly unhappy 18 year relationship,no communication being neglected i too spent much of my time on my own as my x also worked away.Any way(god this is hard forgive me if i am rambling).
I have always liked to drink Dad spent most of his time drunk and still does. He's happy with it though, were as i am misserable.I can so relate to a lot of your stories of a progressive desease that is so debilitating.
After finding this website i was so excited that i did not drink for 6 days then started again last sunday yesterday i took 9 wine bottles to the bank! That is discusting.Thats how i feel about myself DISCUSTING.I so want to get of this rollercoaster ride i seem to have been on for so long, and maybe this could be the answer a chance to admit, to be supportive and to be supported.If i can get registered hope to get all the bits.going to try again not to poison myself to death every day cant imagine the state of my liver!!This April thing sounds good.If i feel weak i can get on here.Looking forward to hearing from you all.Good luck X

**Guest** · April 1, 2006, 01:51 PM

newbie

Re: Hi i am new too!

Hey Chardonnay,

I hope you'll get on here whether you are feeling weak or strong! The sense of community is awesome, and if you're feeling strong,you'll be able to give, which is even better than being given. It can truly be a wonderful part of being here. And the help you can get when you're vulnerable, well, it's the best. I'm glad you came, and I hope you'll stick around!

Try not to be so hard on yourself. It takes most of us a while to get started and get in the swing of things.

Welcome!

Kathy

**Guest** · April 2, 2006, 02:24 AM

newbie

Thanks

Hi Kathy,Thankyou so much,really appriciate that!Seems i might have to change my server to register,will look into that.Well 1 day under my belt heres to day 2!!
Does it matter were you post?Would like to get into the swing of things.Thanks again for the welcome and encouragement.

Also hello and good luck to you to brits!

**Guest** · April 2, 2006, 03:38 PM

newbie

Re: Thanks

Hi Chardonay and Kiani. I am new too, at 44 years old you would have to say I have to learn to walk again, stop drinking that is, it is probably harder. I have had 12 days good and one day bad, a bottle and a half on saturday night farewelling a friend but boy I felt it. I feel better sober, do you get the anxiety though? Stomach knots are what get to me. Glad to see you here, as the previouspost said we are all in this together and it makes it a bit easier. Julie

**Guest** · April 3, 2006, 01:48 AM

newbie

Re: Thanks

Hello folks, Gosh, I got a lump in my throat reading this thread. It really brought home to me the friendship and support that is here. All of us fighting the same demon. I am also newish here, 43 and a half (!) and would love to a. quit completely or second choice (which is more likely) quit during the week and have a couple of glasses of wine on the weekends and be happy with that. Perfect first week and a half, going down the slippery slope this week but hopefully will give myself a talking to and get back on track.

Great to meet you all. X

**Guest** · April 3, 2006, 01:58 AM

newbie

Re: Thanks

Hi Annie, are you another night owl? Or a "down unda-er"?
I've been sleeping good lately.. but have a lot on my mind tonight, I guess... nothing a little ice cream won't freeze out! I hope! Anyway, cheers... Judie

**Guest** · April 3, 2006, 04:59 AM

newbie

Re: Thanks

Hey guys,
I agree that a couple of wines on the weekend like "normal" people have would be my ideal. Its just stopping at 2 or three that is hard. I had my first appointment with a psych today and he feels that i should be aiming for moderation as the key. He wants me to up my effexor to 150mg but didnt want to prescribe any other drugs at the moment. He has given me a diary to maintain and lent me a book called Families and how to Survive them (which I read about 15 years ago and loved), funny though I actually tried to get the book at the library about 4 weeks ago and they didnt have it. Its by John Cleese (the comedian) and his psychotherapist Robyn Skinner. So I felt the universe was kind of working on my behalf today. The doctor is south african and a really decent bloke, could crack a smile unlike some of them, and asked some reasonable questions. Well I will see how I go, he said that he wants me to only drink out of a 100ml glass - I told him my glasses are like indoor swimming pools - what the???

Like all of you I am really keen to be a "good girl" as opposed to a "bad girl" and keep it going until I break the habits of old.

We'll all just band together to keep the demons at bay hey what!?!

Jools

**Guest** · April 3, 2006, 05:39 AM

newbie

Re: Thanks

Hi Kiani and Welcome.
As Lulu said I'm a fellow Brit, I tend to sit in the background a bit and get my support from reading the posts. I felt I had to reply when I read yours though as it made me smile in an ironic way, my local shop is also a Spar, the times I have walked out of there with my children, shame-faced with my daily goodies in my Spar carrier...god it makes me feel sick just to think. Well, I'm 4 weeks sober now, not a drop. I tried moderation but (as has been discussed in another thread) I just don't want to think about Alcohol anymore so I'm cutting it out of my life. I don't know whether it'll be forever I just know that I don't want anything to do with it. Physically, it's easy, psychologically it's only now I sit this side of the fence I realise just how much I used it to self medicate, to hide behind, to stop feeling......the hardest thing for me hasn't been to stop drinking (the Topa has been great for that) it's been dealing with emotional fallout, which has only just started, and realising that no matter how scary, painful and just plain exhausting it gets I AM NOT GOING BACK TO WHERE I WAS.

Wow, where did all that come from!! I'm a painfully private person but apparently I needed to just share something there! Sorry about that. Anyway, getting Topa- inhousepharmacy.com has been mentioned before. I just did a search on Google and compared prices! Waiting for my 2nd delivery.

On another note I spoke to NEDAAS this morning (North Essex Drugs And Alcohol SErvice) and they said that most GP's are happy to give out Campral on prescription, it depends on what you're hoping to achieve I guess. I think I may swap as I don't think I can afford the Topa for much longer (I hope this doesn't become my downfall).

Good Luck in whatever you decide to do Kiani, I truly hope you find the strength to find Your Way Out.

--Michelle x

P.S. Lulu, I just want to say how much I think you are a truly lovely person. You always have words of encouragment and support and it always seems to me that you go that extra mile to ensure people feel good about themselves so I'm returning the favour. Hope it works x

**Guest** · April 3, 2006, 03:51 PM

newbie

Re: Thanks

Hi Michelle,

thanks for your really sweet words - I was feeling pretty sh*t today - been back on the sauce again over the weekend and thoroughly annoyed with myself. Oh well, just have to start again....Anyway, your post really touched me and cheered me up so thanks again. Excellent news about your 4 weeks you're really moving forward - well done!

Interesting to hear about Campral being prescribed - if I ever get round telling a dr, I might ask for that. Gonna keep trying wthout for a while, got kudzu coming in the post soon (i hope).

take care

lulu xx

**Guest** · April 4, 2006, 05:52 PM

newbie

thanks

hi thanks for all yr advise im still pluckin up courage to make an appointment with my dr she sort of knows the extent of my drinkin but after tellin the guy i saw she prob thinks its ok now i know i have to see her its affecting my marriage he prob uses it as an excuse to go out when hes home but i know its just an excuse he wants to go out when hes home where does this leave me anyway balh blah ive managed to buy a bottle of wine each nite pour some down sink and only drink 3/4 bottle a nite oh big deal i know id be happy to drink 1/2 bottle most nites most pps i know do this but i dont want to be most pps i need a way out im hoping for miracles i think thank 2 u all

**Guest** · April 6, 2006, 04:34 PM

newbie

hi

u made me larf its great to hear from pps who understand

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