another new girl

[Peanut]

OK - here goes. This is my first time ever participating in a forum. I found the MWO site through a link on HashSpace site - kind of ironic, considering that the hash is "the drinking club with a running problem". I downloaded the book almost a month ago, and have been mulling things over ever since. I drink about a litre of wine every night, and much more on weekends. I know perfectly well that this is at the root of so many of my problems. I drink at night, and then smoke too (I don't smoke at all during the day!), then I stay up too late as I don't sit down until about 11pm, then I'm tired the next day, my productivity has dropped, my swimming pool workouts have slowed, I don't go to the gym much any more because I am too tired, I need to lose about 20lb but it just won't come off with all that wine drinking, and to top it off, I spend too much money on wine and cigarettes. Lately, I have been having pain in my stomach and wonder if I am getting gastritis or something, as I have read that this can happen with excessive drinking. Then there are those embarrassing things I say and do when we are out socially, and those mysterious, massive bruises I often end up with but have no idea how they got there. I know perfectly well I have to stop, but something takes over every night and I can't stop myself from pouring that first glass of wine, and from then on, there is no stopping. Just one more....... until 1:30 am!! Or until the bottle is gone - can't leave an open bottle of wine just sitting there!!

I tried to make an appt with my doctor, but can't get in for a couple of months. I really don't want to go to a walk-in-clinic doctor and I am too nervous to get that drug on-line and take it without some medical advise. I am also scared that my doctor would not agree with taking it.

Today I order the CD's - I thought I would start out with that. Plus the Kudzu (sp?). I hope they arrive quickly, because I am getting rather depressed and have no faith in myself any more.

Any advise for me? Do most people take all the supplements? Does that help? How about doing it without the drug? Anybody try that?? I'm not worried about exercise, as I know if I can stop drinking every night, and get more rest and smoke less, I will automatically resume my former level of physical activity. Also, I don't really want to give up wine entirely - it is the Nectar of the Gods to me. But I don't want to drink on work nights, and I want to control how much I drink when I do. Maybe I will have to go alcohol free for a while. I know the last couple times I did the 12 day Wild Rose Detox, I failed at staying off alcohol for the whole time, and 3 of the days drank a bottle of wine. Failure again!

So hopefully this site will help me and the CD's and that herb I ordered.
Once again - I don't want to fail - I may need alot of help!

Peanut

[Leebo]

another new girl

Hi Peanut,

And welcome! :welcome: As you will soon find out, you have come to an awesome place. Everyone here is absolutely wonderful and has been through or going through some version of what you are. That is why we are here.

As for answering your questions - you have so many! I will take a stab at some and many more will be along to help - some people take supplements - some people take meds - some do both - that is the beauty of the MWO program. You adapt it to work for you. One of the most important elements is you make the decision to make a plan and you work it. There will be good days and bad days.. but we don't ever stop trying.

Congratulations!!! You have made a great decision!! :goodjob:

Leebo

[livingfree]

another new girl

Hi Peanut! Welcome! Just settle in and do a lot of reading here - all of your anxieties will start to fade when you realize that you are not alone in this quest.

I started the program with the CD's - the supplements and exercising. I didn't do the topa for the first 6 weeks and was AF the whole time with out it. I then went on the topa for 7 weeks and now have been off the topa for 3 weeks. AF since Jan. 1st, 2008. So YES you can do it without the drugs! I personally did not like the topa. It really messed with me in mental and physical ways that I hated. I love the way I feel SOBER and not on any meds.

You might want to try 30 days AF before you start moderating. (If you are going to moderate). It will help you to think through your choices with a clear mind.

Best to you! Read a lot - and post a lot -- it really will help you!

Liv

[Gathings]

another new girl

Welcome!

Peanut,

:welcome: First of all, you are NOT a failure! I totally understand where you are coming from, though, because I, too, was very dependent on my red wine (at least a bottle a night, with much more ingested on the weekends). I found this site about 2 weeks ago after having been woken up - completely hungover - on Saturday morning by my 3 year old son. I had thought about quitting for some time, but always found a reliable excuse on why to continue - let's see... that fact that I felt like it was my right to wind down and relax at the end of a day... or I knew I would be going on vacation soon, and didn't want to give up drinking before my trip, etc. etc.
Well, that morning, I had a bit of a meltdown/epiphany and I realized that I needed to truly stop... but I knew I needed help with this, and didn't want to do it "alone," so to say... but, I wanted to keep it private - no AA stuff (plus, I'm not religious, and the religious aspect of AA turned me off). I thank my lucky stars that I found this forum! I seriously don't know if I would have made it this far without all the support and encouragement that I've gotten from the people here... All day that Saturday, after I posted my first message, I explored the many personal stories that others who are battling addition have shared... and it made me feel like I was not alone! There are other people, just like me... even ones with such similar stories - it's amazing! I also felt hope - hope that, just like these people, I, too, could stop drinking and turn my life around! I felt comfort in knowing that people here ackwoledge that we are human, and that we may slip and fall... But instead of beating ourselves up and saying negative things, we pick ourselves back up, brush ourselves off, and continue down our path (with positive, "can-do" support from the members here).
I'll be honest, Peanut - the first few days were hard. I had some withdrawal symptoms, but I started on the supplements immediately (when to the local vitamin shop). The supplements have helped my body heal and recover, and at day 12, I can't remember having felt this good in a long time! I spent a LOT of time on the forum, reading and posting... which really kept me strong in that 1st week, too. I had ordered the kudzu from the website and have been taking it for the past few days now, and do feel like it helps reduce my alcohol cravings. I have the CD's now, too, and hope to have the time to listen to all of them this weekend, and start that process along (I've already started playing the sleep-nighttime one, and love it!).
:thumbs: You've made the first step, Peanut, and I'm so proud of you! :h Please feel free to message me if you have questions or need someone to talk to. Otherwise, I will check back in here tomorrow afternoon, after I get home from work. In the meantime, I'm sending positive energy your way:l

[caseaday]

another new girl

Hi Peanut,

Welcome to the community! I have been AF for the past four days just by taking the supplements and spending as much time on this site as possible reading, LEARNING, and posting a few times. Just ordered the CD's today and can't wait for them to come! Haven't decided on the medication issue yet as I would prefer not to go to the doctor. I am just taking ODAT - one of the things I learned here.

Another thing that I have concluded by reading the postings is this:

Rule 1: There is a 0% chance that you can change the past. Let it go, forget about it, cleanse your mind of it.

Rule 2: There is a 100% chance that you can impact your future. Embrace it and get started!

Rule 3: If you stumble a little along the journey of controlling Al, refer back to Rule 1.

Take care and I look forward to seeing you pop up from time to time...

[keeta]

another new girl

OMG case, I LOVE the rules.

Peanut...welcome, and please stick around. This is a great place for support and great knowledge!

hugs,
K

[Peanut]

another new girl

Thanks for the welcome people.
Reading all the posting is wild. There are so many people going through exactly what I am. And what's with all the wine addictions?!?! Alot of people seem to enjoy it!! Sometimes lately, I look at people out in public or at work and wonder if they are suffering with the same malady as I. You wouldn't know it by looking at me. I'm one of those functional types, raised 3 kids, good career - so where is my brain when it comes to drinking wine??? Last night, I did NOT manage to avoid the wine. I may have drank slightly less than usual, but that's pretty hard to gage when drinking from a 4 L box! I have nothing to help me along at this point, as I am waiting for the CD's and the Kudzu to arrive, and it may be another week yet. I plan on hitting the health store this evening and purchasing some supplements. Are there any that are more important or useful than the others? I'm unsure what is in the Nutritech All One Powder and whether I can buy it locally. Maybe not in this little city I live in.

Last night, while on the computer, my partner asked me who I was writing to. I told him I didn't want to tell him. it's a secret. But this afternoon, he came to see me at work briefly, and I told him. He knows I downloaded the book. He is very supportive, and said he will back me in whatever I want to do, whether that is quit drinking, moderate and just keep on swillin' the wine. I know he will be there for me. And he understands that this is a disease, something that I can't seem to control - the old genetic effect. There is much alcoholism in my background, and all my siblings (almost - there are 8 of us) are wine drinkers, so there is likely something to it. Maybe if I can turn things around, I can help my family members too.

Thanks for everything!
Peanut

[Mia]

another new girl

Hi Peanut

:welcome: I thought I was reading about me when I read your story. I'ts Saturday morning here and yes that bloody 4litre red wine box is a nightmare. I hit it last night have got a major headache and not going to work. I do the same as you... I often look at people in the street and wonder if they are suffering like me. I dont look I have a problem Im tiny and look fit and still look good for my age. I dont know how though all that red wine. I found this site 2 weeks ago it is great!! I have had 3 days AF in those two weeks and I felt soooooo proud of myself. Even have gone back to the gym. I know I have to stop before it stops me. I'm sick of it controlling my life!!! Lets do it together :l And this is your first step to find this site. I wish I could use this site at wine oclock time but my boyfriend is home and he would not understand. I hide that I know I have a problem.

[caseaday]

another new girl

Great having you here! While you are waiting for you material and supps you might want to begin cutting back a little day by day. I feel it will be beneficial to you once you decide to go AF. However, you will have to ditch the 4L box as it will be too hard to manage your intake.

[Lucy Van Pelt]

another new girl

Hey!!

Welcome! Yes, there are alot of wine drinkers here...and amazingly alot of functional ones at that (well, hungover functional anyway).

I will tell you that for everyone here, success comes differently. Some do well with the CD's, some with supps, and others with meds.

Either way, it takes committment.

For me, it has taken a LONG time to get some success. I tried so many things...AA, Topa, Supps, campral. Now, on Antibuse, finding my way.

Good luck to you, and welcome!!

Beth