Morning gorgeous and lovely ODATers!!
Before I start can you all forgive me if my punctuation is a bit dodgy this morning. There is a bit of peanut stuck under the ' key on my keyboard and it keeps popping up and jamming the key!!
Didn't manage my AF night last night. The L-Glut worked - I didn't have any cravings but what I did have was a desire to 'treat' myself. I had been working non stop since 5.30am and wanted to spend just a little while at the end of the day in my lovely new holiday cottage next door, sitting in a comfy chair watching the flat screen tv before I hand it over to holiday makers today and for every Saturday from now until October. I don't have any of those things in my own house (it's a cross between a kennel and a chinese laundry with no flushing toilet, lots of outstanding DIY, no tv, no area to get away into, electricity only working in certain parts etc boring etc!) But I wanted a drink to go with it too. Part of the reward. I have deliberately kept the wine out of the house and ice and mixers to help me but in the holiday cottage there is some gin, ice and mixer. So I had one of those. Then another 3. All large. Enough to give me a bad head this morning.
It is good that I poured the rest of the mixer down the sink to stop me having another.
It is good that I remember how much I drank and what I watched.
It is good that I locked the door when I left to come back to the house.
It is good that I let the dogs out for a wee, remembered to turn the electric blanket off and went straight to bed.
All of these things I should be patting myself on the back for because they are better than how I used to be. And I am a believer in the moving on/can't change the past/don't beat yourself up about it approach.
Except I am going to beat myself up about it. I can do better than that. And at this stage in my journey to deal with Al that was not a good thing to have done. I do know better and could have done better and want to have done better. I am cross with myself and rightly so. Sometimes you have to be gentle with yourself. Other times you need to get a bloody big stick out and give yourself a whack upside the head. So I am going to do penance today. I've buttoned up my hair shirt. (and tucked it into my BGP!!) You can forgive me if you want, tell me I did well etc but I KNOW I didn't and can do better.
That's it for today. I have another full working day ahead but I will not be drinking tonight as a reward. I am going spend the day considering the rewards I can give myself without Alcohol being involved. There are many.
Much love to all to come. I know Saturdays can be a quiet day on here but I am looking forward to hearing from those who do pitch up.
Bessie xxx
PS If you're lurking and new here and haven't done as well as you would like please don't think I will be harsh on you too!! I save the best tongue lashings for myself!!
45/109
Before I start can you all forgive me if my punctuation is a bit dodgy this morning. There is a bit of peanut stuck under the ' key on my keyboard and it keeps popping up and jamming the key!!
Didn't manage my AF night last night. The L-Glut worked - I didn't have any cravings but what I did have was a desire to 'treat' myself. I had been working non stop since 5.30am and wanted to spend just a little while at the end of the day in my lovely new holiday cottage next door, sitting in a comfy chair watching the flat screen tv before I hand it over to holiday makers today and for every Saturday from now until October. I don't have any of those things in my own house (it's a cross between a kennel and a chinese laundry with no flushing toilet, lots of outstanding DIY, no tv, no area to get away into, electricity only working in certain parts etc boring etc!) But I wanted a drink to go with it too. Part of the reward. I have deliberately kept the wine out of the house and ice and mixers to help me but in the holiday cottage there is some gin, ice and mixer. So I had one of those. Then another 3. All large. Enough to give me a bad head this morning.
It is good that I poured the rest of the mixer down the sink to stop me having another.
It is good that I remember how much I drank and what I watched.
It is good that I locked the door when I left to come back to the house.
It is good that I let the dogs out for a wee, remembered to turn the electric blanket off and went straight to bed.
All of these things I should be patting myself on the back for because they are better than how I used to be. And I am a believer in the moving on/can't change the past/don't beat yourself up about it approach.
Except I am going to beat myself up about it. I can do better than that. And at this stage in my journey to deal with Al that was not a good thing to have done. I do know better and could have done better and want to have done better. I am cross with myself and rightly so. Sometimes you have to be gentle with yourself. Other times you need to get a bloody big stick out and give yourself a whack upside the head. So I am going to do penance today. I've buttoned up my hair shirt. (and tucked it into my BGP!!) You can forgive me if you want, tell me I did well etc but I KNOW I didn't and can do better.
That's it for today. I have another full working day ahead but I will not be drinking tonight as a reward. I am going spend the day considering the rewards I can give myself without Alcohol being involved. There are many.
Much love to all to come. I know Saturdays can be a quiet day on here but I am looking forward to hearing from those who do pitch up.
Bessie xxx
PS If you're lurking and new here and haven't done as well as you would like please don't think I will be harsh on you too!! I save the best tongue lashings for myself!!
45/109
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