I need someone

[Guest]

You've heard the same ole' story from me and I'm getting tired of it myself. If I put it in writing, I'm commiting; so here it goes.

I've been here awhile. I love you all by the way. I'm planning my 30-day abstainance beginning May 8. I'll be up to 150 mg topa by then. My hubby (who drinks every night will be out of town--tough being alone, I know, but better w/ him out of the house first week).

I'm scared-maybe I don't want this bad enough--maybe I'm not ready. Maybe, drinking my life away is my destiny. I'm scared.

[Guest]

I need someone

Hey Svedka,
I know what's it like having someone @ home that drinks every night. It's usually easier to join in; than fight it, and be unconfortable in your own home... It's also a convenient excuse to join in & not be abstinant and stick to my "guns"... Speaking from very real & personal daily experience... It's hard. I keep struggling with wanting to go abs again, and thinking, why bother, if it's gonna be right in front of me (beer),when I get home from a long day @ work...
So, at this point I'm doing moderation, I'm still better than I was before I found this place. But I know I could be better still, couldn't we all? So be it. We've just gotta hang in there & be here for each other. Good luck Sweetie, Keep in touch Huh? Hugs, Judie

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Sved,

You're building a house. You're breaking ground on May 15. A new house is the start of a new life.

A new life is totally within your grasp. So what if you're the only one wielding the chainsaw?

You can do this.

[Guest]

I need someone

Hi Svedka,

It's good to see you around again, I've missed seeing you more!

The topa should help a lot to curb the cravings--even if you're not totally abstinent, your drinking should be way down! What are your goals for yourself re: drinking? I know it will be difficult with your husband drinking. Although I have drank out of loneliness, it does make it much easier when stopping to not have someone else around that is tempting me!!! But you do have all of us, and we will cheer you on and give you support!

Please keep reaching out! We all love ya!

Cyber hugs!
Kathy

[Guest]

I need someone

Thanks Judie, Tawny, and Kathy for your responses. I very much appreciate them. I have cut down a lot on the drinking, which is a really, really good thing and I do feel so much better. I drink gallons of water every day. Just today one of the ladies at the office complained about how much bottled water I am drinking (having to change the empty jug---again).

Judie, you should be proud that you abstained for 18 days w/ hubby still drinking. I have made it two days and then cave. If I can make it the week that he's gone and then feel really good and have a good jump start and continue on...and Tawny you're right...we start the foundation of the house on May 15...I can't imagine having too much time on our hands to drink or do anything else for that matter. Somehow, my hubby seems to make the time for his beer.

Anyway, sorry for blathering on. Thanks again for everything!!

Sved

[Guest]

I need someone

Your gonna do okay, Svedka. I know it.

[Guest]

I need someone

Svedka, the more people you tell, the more support you get. Build yourself up to this. You can do it. I will e-mail my personal e-mail to your EZinbox so you can "dump" if you have to.

It's actually good to have a deadline for yourself. Get your supps, vitamins, etc. in order. Plan some good breakfasts. Plan some distractions in the evening--go get a pedicure, plan an evening soaking in the tub, plan an evening getting new flowers for the garden, whatever!!

You can do this.
Ter

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I need someone

Your hubby may make time for his beer, and that can be hard on you, but the more you make time for you, the better off you're going to be. I'm glad you have cut way down, Svedka, that's a good start. Having a week to yourself will be a good start, too. People have quit drinking with other drinkers in the house. I guess the big thing is that this will really change the dynamic in your relationship unless he cuts way back too. Try to be strong--he may yet come around when he realizes that you are serious about this! Most people try to maintain the status quo, and if he keeps drinking, he (unconsciously) knows that it will undermine your efforts and he won't have to change. This is an important family dynamic--to maintain homeostatis, or the family balance. You will see families with a "sick" member--depression, psychosis, blah, blah, and when that member starts to get better, the rest of the family subtly acts in ways to get that member to be sick again! If the family is aware, it can counteract that process. If you are aware that your husband is probably just trying (unconsciously) to protect what he is used to, you can counteract that too!

Good luck Svedka! Hang in there!

Love, Kathy

[Guest]

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Dear Helen, Terry and Kathy,

Thanks for your words of encouragement and advice. I've already been thinking of my iternery for the week that hubby is gone. Thinking about making an appointment for a massage at the spa. Definately a pedicure. Since we moved from our house and had to move into a smaller place, our things are in storage--going there tomorrow to get my workout clothes for the gym (have had my membership for over two years and haven't used it in a year--silly me). Also planning on buying some flowers to plant on the property where we are building. That should take up some time, don't you think, gals.

Kathy, you hit the nail on the head regarding the dynamic of our relationship. My husband and I met at an Aerosmith concert--I wasn't drinking, but he was--and everything we've done since, has involved, included, revolved around, incorporated--whatever word you choose--drinking. One thing I have to say about my husband, he can quit after a few. Me--I hit the magic number of three and three turns into five, six, hopefully not seven--but sometimes. Anyway, again, I've blathered on too long. Thanks again so much for everything.

Hugs to you,

Sved

[Guest]

I need someone

May 15th seems like a great day to quit drinking.I think I'll join you.can I ?My hubby can also quit and say thats it ,me different story .Have 1 want more .[WHY]Anyways hang in there and see you MAY15th
ursula

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May 8th sorry.

[Guest]

I need someone

Sved,
Sydney here. OK I am in. Wow this is a huge committment for me, but I am in. I am so scared but I am going to try to do this with you. Maybe we can make this journey together I have NEVER been more than 1 day alcohol free in so long I cant remember. So many thoughts racing through my mind. How will I get through my night, how will this fidgety body deal with a long night. How will I relax, How will I unwind from the day and let go of all the stresses of the day. You guys know the craziness that begins to start messing with your mind. : But if I dont pick a date then when ? That is what I have concluded lately. I have gone as far as trying it visualize in my cd's at night , NOT going into the in-out mart to by my beer nightly. I visualize saying that it disgusts me, and I will not go there, but it is like my car is on auto-pilot and there I go. . So sved May 8th it is.
I will be out of town between April 27th - May 4th so I will check in with you after that. This is going to be a very trying time to be trying to control / reduce my drinking. 3 days in Vegas for my daughters bachelorette party, followed by an Annual trip to Louiville Kentucky for the Kentucky Derby. My husband is a horse fanatic. Loves loves loves the sport more than life itself. He used to train horses in his earlier days. I like it , but do not have the passion that he has for it. I go with him and enjoy watching him. This is the highlight of his year!
But honestly Vegas & the Derby? I am not that strong just yet. I am going to need all the strength I can muster.

Sorry here I am rambling.

Sydney

PS Please forgive my spelling everyone. Honestly this topa makes me almost illiterate>: I truly am a good speller and communicator most of the time, when I can form the words

[Guest]

I need someone

wpg and Syd,

This is so totally wonderful to have the two of you along w/ me!!!! I am so grateful to both of you. Thanks so much. This is just great! Wpg, I was thinking about you yesterday. I haven't seen you on the boards lately or in chat and was going to give a shout out to you. So glad to hear from you. How have you been?

Syd,

I know all about the evening struggle with or without the hard day of work. I know the drive home and up the next block awaits the dreaded liquor store just calling my name. Do I get the econo-size bottle (the gallon jug--what do the people next to me waiting in line think?) or the puny jug (oh, well, I'll just go to the other liquor store in the next burb in a couple of days). I want this obsessive, insane, impossible, incoherent, riduculous monkey off my back. I'm better than it.

Do we all remember our very first drink--what was your reaction? Mine was a screwed up face like I had just taken Formula 44D cough syrup and then sticking my tongue out with a big BLUCK sound and my entire body shivering all over--I still don't like the taste--I've just grown accustomed to it.

I hope you have a good trip, Syd. I've been to the Derby. You wouldn't believe how many passed out bodies I stepped over in the infield when I was there (I got there a little late). I'll be here when you get back.

Thank you guys, again. (sorry about the novel)

Sved

[Guest]

I need someone

Sved,

I loved your post. Yes I do remember my first drink, and it is all too clear. It was a love hate relationship.
As far as the derby, luckily we own seats, so we dont have to deal with the infield, but it is fun to go over there and spend time with those crazy wild fun & some not so fun youngsters!!! I am 48 , I dont mean to sound so old, but you know what I mean. My daughter and her fiance ditch us for some of the time and hang over there , geez wonder why.
My daughter does drink & so does her fiance. I dont see signs of excessive drinking with her yet, but believe me I watch it closely and we have talked about it. She seems to be like her dad, she can have 2 or 3 then swithces to pop.: My brain simply does not understand how that happens. I soooo want that in my life. I pray that this medication will make that happen. When we are at the derby, it is pitiful, I try and be like everyone else and nurse my mint juleps, or beers, and excuse myself to go to bet, or to the ladies room and you know where I am really going. It is horrible. I want this out of my life! I just want to be like everyone else and be able to sit there and not obsess how I can escape and go sneak a drink.

Sved, I am really excited for this journey. Thank your for starting it.
Much respect
Sydney

[Guest]

I need someone

Sved,

After re-reading these posts I have to say this.
I apologize, I feel like when I responded, my response was totally self absorbed, and selfish. I was like geez Syd, could you have been any more self pitiful. Just bear with me you guys. I really am new to this and dont mean to be so talking about me, and my problems. That is soooo not me. Sometimes when I come here it just comes gushing out. I feel for all of you. My husband is probably thrilled to death that he doesnt have to hear it. I am not kidding, there are times he just glazes over and nods his head and says yes honey, trying to pretend he is listening.

Ok , well on to more interesting subjects.
Sved , whats this about a new house? Ground breaking May 15th !!! How exciting is that!!!! Please keep us posted!!!
You are one strong cookie to take that on and face these demons. But you know what.... Here is the way I look at it.
Lets face it head on together. There will ALWAYS be stressors in our lives, wheather it be a major deadline we must meet, a major financial burden, health issue, family matters, teenage children !!!! , aging parents & grand parents, grouchy spouses, inlaws,!!!!!!, agents , bosses,
co-workers, running a household, the pressure of being a perfect mom, wife, daugher , daugher in law, sister, friend, neighbor,,..... You name it we hold ourselves up to this high level of scrutiny. . There will NEVER be a good time to do this in my most humble opinion. At least not for me. We all have these stressors, and some of us deal with them much better than others.
My goodness here I go again.
What I am trying to say is this.
Thank You for starting this , I am grateful, I will participate,
and I will be honest , regardless of the outcome.

Much respect
A very winded
Sydney