I can't believe I've got here. This is the most AF time I've had in 7yrs. :whee: and I feel goooooood.
This time last year I was drinking 2 to 3 bottles of wine a day and smoking at least 7 joints of weed a day, sleeping 4hrs a night tops, :racer:, yep, racing around completely off my rocker. What I didn't realise at the time was that I was on a manic high that lasted 7mths. It started during my friends murder trial. How I never got sectioned or my kids taken off me I'll never know. My doctor said it was PTSD, but then I was later diagnosed with bipolar, which doctors now think I've had all my adolecent and adult life. In July I crashed into a horrendous depression, Stopped smoking weed and tried to stop drinking, had pretty bad withdrawals and had to have a weeks worth of diazepam.
I've been trying to get here for so long.
In October last year I got to day 13 and got wasted on day 14. I found those 13 days really hard, it was like hanging on a cliff face by my finger nails.
In March I started a new medication on top of the anti d's, within a week I felt much better and had the confidence to refer myself for alcohol counselling.
That was 6wks ago. My mental health has improved so much in that 6wks I'm amazed. It's given me the strength to really be honest with myself and stop kidding myself, I realised that I wasn't even giving myself a chance, I was sabotaging any bit of progress I was making. I'd got to the point where I'd rather be dead than carry on drinking and suicide isn't an option when you've got kids.
I'm not craving now, still got that thinking drinking thing going but I feel mentally strong enough to deal with it.
Because the depression lifted I've had the energy and motivation to keep myself busy. And I have got tons of long over due jobs done.
I know it's early days and I have a long road ahead of me, but it feels like the beginning of the rest of my life, corny I know, but so true.
For anyone who is struggling out there, never, ever give up on yourself, keep going forward, even if your stumbling and falling, keep trying, and if you truly want it you'll get, give your self a chance, you deserve it.
My goal now is 30days and if/when I get 60days that will be a first in 25 years, cept for my pregnancies. Weird isn't it how us women can hold off while pregnant.
So, just let me blow my own trumpet one more time.
15 days AF a first in 7years.
:waving::cheering:
want
:h
This time last year I was drinking 2 to 3 bottles of wine a day and smoking at least 7 joints of weed a day, sleeping 4hrs a night tops, :racer:, yep, racing around completely off my rocker. What I didn't realise at the time was that I was on a manic high that lasted 7mths. It started during my friends murder trial. How I never got sectioned or my kids taken off me I'll never know. My doctor said it was PTSD, but then I was later diagnosed with bipolar, which doctors now think I've had all my adolecent and adult life. In July I crashed into a horrendous depression, Stopped smoking weed and tried to stop drinking, had pretty bad withdrawals and had to have a weeks worth of diazepam.
I've been trying to get here for so long.
In October last year I got to day 13 and got wasted on day 14. I found those 13 days really hard, it was like hanging on a cliff face by my finger nails.
In March I started a new medication on top of the anti d's, within a week I felt much better and had the confidence to refer myself for alcohol counselling.
That was 6wks ago. My mental health has improved so much in that 6wks I'm amazed. It's given me the strength to really be honest with myself and stop kidding myself, I realised that I wasn't even giving myself a chance, I was sabotaging any bit of progress I was making. I'd got to the point where I'd rather be dead than carry on drinking and suicide isn't an option when you've got kids.
I'm not craving now, still got that thinking drinking thing going but I feel mentally strong enough to deal with it.
Because the depression lifted I've had the energy and motivation to keep myself busy. And I have got tons of long over due jobs done.
I know it's early days and I have a long road ahead of me, but it feels like the beginning of the rest of my life, corny I know, but so true.
For anyone who is struggling out there, never, ever give up on yourself, keep going forward, even if your stumbling and falling, keep trying, and if you truly want it you'll get, give your self a chance, you deserve it.
My goal now is 30days and if/when I get 60days that will be a first in 25 years, cept for my pregnancies. Weird isn't it how us women can hold off while pregnant.
So, just let me blow my own trumpet one more time.
15 days AF a first in 7years.
:waving::cheering:
want
:h
lanter:
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