This is like a breath of fresh air

[fairyfeet]

Hi
I stumbled across this site last week and typically started a thread drunk and feeling sorry for myself, really beleiving I was a terrible person and could sink no lower
And no one could know how bad I felt about not being able to control my drinking
But I feel this site could save me from my demon bacardi
I have been drinking half a bottle, sometimes more a night for the past 25 years dont know how I havent killed myself or why I beat myself up so much the next dat or how I do anything
I only ever drink at night and dont get the dreaded hangovers anymore
I am going to get this under control, for once and for all thank God for this site, I have stopped beating myself up and can see a light at the end of the tunnel
I havent started yet, still a bit too much pressure but I can feel I have had a mind shift of sorts and dont feel as desparate or hopeless like I did this community is fantastic i know where you are at and you are me i really dont feel so alone anymore
I am going to do this, I know it is going to be the hardest thing for me, because I have so much pressure, it helps to drink to blank it out
And probably to blank out the terrible things I do and say when I have drinking blackouts and dont remember the awful things I do I can actually feel them coming on then wop, the whole nights gone
I feel so much calmer when I read the posts on the site I can feel all the love and concern and understanding out there
So I am going to ask for your support please and when I am AF I will come back again and again and again
I dont have any friends I can discuss my problems with as I am not a social drinker, I just drink in the house
I am not feeling sorry for myself in any way anymore, just know I really want to be not depressed and feeling guilty anymore
This is my life, I am 50 this year in June and I want to feel again, but not just when I am drunk I want to feel when I am sober
And to think I used to go out and get drunk and have a laugh, now I just get drunk!

[ducky]

This is like a breath of fresh air

Welcome Fairy,

Don't wait until you are AF to join us. Keep reading and posting, even if you are struggling, and you will find a load of support.

Best of luck.

[fairyfeet]

This is like a breath of fresh air

Thanks

Its funny though sometimes when you are so out of control that it actually makes you feel in control because for once the attention is focused on you, sounds selfish but how else are you going to get people to realise you are not just an AL but depressed too and finding things hard to cope with in your day to day life
Then you go down like a ton of bricks at night after being so strong all day

[fairyfeet]

This is like a breath of fresh air

Up so late

The only reason I am up so late is I am expecting my son and his partner to kick off if they do I have to get my Grandson out of it
She has been out drinking all night

[gelgit]

This is like a breath of fresh air

Hi ! Isn't it just wonderful and amazing to discover how NOT alone you are. I'm going to be doing a lot of praying tonight. There are so many good people here ready and willing to help. I don't have anyone to talk to in my life and that's why I feel that this forum is my one big last chance. Let's both start out by counting our blessings and climb back into life. Just think, we could have been born in Darfur or Iraq!! xxxxxxx

[Cheebs]

This is like a breath of fresh air

Right now, I am alone

So, I started looking at this web inNov 07. That was the last time I was here until today. Since then, I truly believe that I could handle whatever obstacles I put in front of me. Well, that was bull...tonight, I am in a hotel room, by myself because I am too ashamed to go back home to my husband. I have been on a ranpage for about a month and I could just die. I love him so much and I really don't understand how I can ever choose booze over him. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???????

[fairyfeet]

This is like a breath of fresh air

what is wrong with me

nothing is wrong with you, you have a disease i know it consumes you my husband said he was going to divorce me and i still carried on drinking and risked everything cos all i cared about was being blank dont know why

[fairyfeet]

This is like a breath of fresh air

Hi gelgit

I know I really do count my blessings it sounds funny but when 7/11 happened it made me so unhappy about how the hell could anyone live through that and my heart went out to everyone involved in that dreadfull tragedy, then I get so depressed about how the helll could that happen I think I have been really down since them it really affected me badly I wasnt feeling sorry for myself but the whole bludy human race and mans inhunanity to man

[fairyfeet]

This is like a breath of fresh air

cheebs

I really do love my husband and he really will leave if I dont stop drinking, but I get angry with him and say he is intolerant and feel that justifies me getting out of it cos he doesnt understand, but I dont understand why I put drinking before him
Just know I do and he has to go to bed every night on his own
Be kind to yourself, I know I aint a bad person, but when I have a drink I blame him for everything bad in my life maybe thats true but I have to forget the past and try to remember the good times if I want to keep the very good relationship we used to have before drinking made me not care or feel any more god bless i am struggling too to keep a dead relationship alive, but I dont know if its me or him that killed it
We are so full of hope at the beginning, life just wears us down a bit

[boozehag]

This is like a breath of fresh air

Hi guys
If it is any consolation I too came to this site about a month ago feeling so dreadfully low because of my uncontrolled binge drinking and smoking. I reached my rock bottom then and now today is day 26 off the AL (and cigs) and honestly feel so full of life. The best thing is the lack of anxiety and guilt and trying to get through each day feeling like such a failure. When you are AF and as such upbeat about life and full of energy there really arent many problems that cant be solved. Thinks I used to panic about seem relatively surmountable now. If I can stop drinking and smoking I basically do anything I realy feel for you fairy feet and gelgit as obviously you have some other stuff going on in your life that I dont but seriously you will be able to cope with all of that so much more once you are in control of AL. In my case I have used chapix to stop smoking and it has also killed any desire I have to drink so I was just lucky to happen onto that. Although that definitely kick started me now that I can see the massive benefits I know it is not worth drinking. I have not bought any alcohol or cigarettes for over 3 weeks and I have lost about 3kg without even trying and best of all I have had really meaningful time with friends and family. I have now really embraced the whole AF Cig free thing and am like a person reborn. Sick I know..... Anyway hope you guys can find some way to get that kick start (have you read the book and got the Vitamins). If for any reason this all falls apart for me (which I dont think it will) I will definitely go on Antabuse as that just takes any choice out of it. There is help you just have to figure out what is right for you.
Best of luck.
BH