THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

[Seto]

Hi everyone
Hope everyone is doing well in their moderating or AF. I haven't done too well AGAIN!! I won't bore you with the details but got drunk again last night after moderating and having 3AF days this week. I'm feeling very very guilty today as my little ones are stuck in the house with me as I'm not feeling too well (self inflicted of course!). I also get really paranoid, like continuously thinking "what did I do?, who did I speak to? How did I get to bed? Does anyone else have these feelings? Even though luckily I hadn't done anything embarassing. Why is this battle so hard? Can I do this? I really really want to give up the alcohol, but why when I'm feeling good about myself do I think "I'll just have a couple" then spoil it all? Has anyone got any advice for me? How they managed to finally say NO to AL. Why is it so tempting. I have done soooo well this past week and have ruined it again. Any words of positivity would help. Sorry to be a complete moan but I really have no one else to talk to about this. I'm only 31 and don't want to continue on this downward spiral, my kids don't deserve this!! Please help........ XXXSeto

[betty boop]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Seto yes, waking up with the guilt and no memory is just awful .........

The best thing to do is to go for 30 days af before moderating, it may sound difficult but you will feel so much better ....

Take care and drink lots of water today ........

BB xx

[wantrealmeaning]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Hi Seto,
First of all your not a complete moan, we've all been there, this is not an easy journey.
The fact that your trying and questioning yourself is a fantastic start, don't belittle what you're trying to do not matter how much your slipping and falling, It's all part of the journey.
I have been where you are soooooooooooo many times I thought I must be completeley insane. I used to question myself constantly, 'whats the matter with me, do I not love my kids. Deep down I've known for years that I'm an alcoholic, just never accepted it.
I don't know if you are alcoholic or a problem drinker, if your struggling moderating, it's a strong possibility your alcoholic.
I had a meeting yesterday with my alcohol counsellor and we were talking about moderating verses abstaining, she told me that if you've ever been physically addicted to alcohol, shaking, sweating etc, you'll never be able to moderate. I've found this to be true for myself.
I think you really need to be honest ask yourself how bad your problem is, do you think you can truly moderate your drinking without it eventually getting out of hand again.
I know for a fact that I can't. So after many years of kidding myself, embarrassing myself and upsetting my kids, I've decided I HAVE to do what ever it takes to beat this.
I'm 18 days AF today, I haven't gone this long in 7yrs. I'm not going to tell you that it's easy, you know it isn't, but it is possible. I feel really good, I'm losing weight, my mum said that my eyes look brighter, my kids, wow, They're 15, 13 & 11 and just in this short period of time we are more like a family then we've ever been. No guilt, shame and disappointment getting inbetween us any more.

Try to go 30days and see how you feel about moderating then. For me I don't ever want to drink again, I can't, alcoholism is a progressive disease. Once I'd finally decided that this is what I want and need to do, and got that lodged in my mind, I've be coping quiet well this time. Oh yeah, and the kids showing me a video of myself drunk has helped enormously.:blush:. I still have crazy thoughts of drinking, I've been working hard in my garden and it's looking fab, The thoughts 'oooh wouldn't it be nice to sit in the garden with a bottle of wine'. That's the insanity of it, it's also a disease of the mind, of your thinking.
1 glass would turn into 2 bottles for me. I'd end up completely shit faced, wondering what I'd done like you are today, and have to look at my childrens disappointed faces.

Try and get as many AF days you can, keep busy, busy, busy. The more days you can build up you'll start to feel stonger mentally and physically. The craving do go but the drinking thinking will still be there, try and learn not to pay it to much attention, not always easy I know. I kind of visulise it as an annoying fly that I bat away, weird. I know but it's working.

Ok I've waffled on far too long. Take care of yourself, eat something good and drink plenty of water. It's a new day tomorrow, try again.
Your kids deserve it and so do YOU :l

WANT
:h

[matthen]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Sounds like me

Hi Seto, yes, yes, yes, you just described me to a tee while telling of your pain. I think that Want's posting is so incredibly helpful and accurate. I think that I pick up a drink when I am able to block out the fact that I am an alcoholic and cannot drink a "few". I am still wrestling with getting my mind around the fact that I am definitely an alcoholic. But when I fully and totally believe and recognize that I am alcoholic, it might be a very big break through. btw, I am on my second day sober, and we are not alone.

[Seto]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Thank you Betty Boop and Want for your replies. Want, yes I am an alcoholic, I finally came to that conclusion a month ago. I can't moderate and usually a glass leads to a bottle and sometimes more. Yesterday we had people over and I didn't drink until late when everyone had gone. I finished off all the alcohol in the house even drinking the last swig of vodka one our friends brought which I would normally never touch. Its like when I'm drinking I want more and more until I pass out. So alcohol is NOT for me. I know this only too well but am finding it hard to stop completely but I know I have to do this for me, my kids and my marriage. Today is a new day. I have eaten well so far, took my vitamins and got some great DVDs to watch tonight. I won't be buying any alcohol as I'm not going anywhere today. Thank you so much for listening you are all so supportiveXXXSeto

[Seto]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Hi Matthen
I read your other posts and replied to one of them. Well done you on 2 days, really I mean that. I know how hard it is to get past the first couple of days, keep battling on. I think once you admit you are an alcoholic and that alcohol controls you rather than you controlling the alcohol then things can move forward. I have been battling on now for a month and I have come to the realization that I can't moderate, it will always end up in me bingeing on one day or another. I hate myself when I drink, I don't recognise that person who my husband describes the night before. Sober, I am a responsible loving person who wants to do good for everyone BUT WHEN I DRINK I turn selfish and nasty only caring about me and the alcohol. My life has to change. Role on day 1 AF for me. Matthen you are certainly not alone and I am not also, we can do this, we really can. Good luckXXXXSeto

[Guest]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Seto

Step back, get through each day at a time. I found it difficult to stop since I was always recovering or obsessing about the next drink/binge.

I took myself somewhere it was difficult to drink and had some medication to slow me down. I do believe however, that you can do this my just thinking about the 'here and now' - that is all rehab did for me, allowed me to get away from the daily treadmill and concentrate on the real issues. You can do this and it gets easier. I came here for 6 months until I threw in the towel (and had been trying to stop via one method or another for about 5 years!!!!), I now have almost 7 weeks sober (only first 3 of them in rehab) and every time I beat a craving it's like making a huge step forward.

It gets easier the longer you stick it out.

[caseaday]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Hi Seto! I would like to offer additional advice but Want really nailed it. I too tried to moderate before going AF and it didn't work at all. I tried everything. I was drinking an average of 24 beers per day. So I tried reducing by one each day until I got to zero. I got down to 3 and decided to throw a party for myself which led to hitting it even harder for 2 months. Then I decided to go AF for seven days. I did that, threw another party for myself and then went 26 days at (you guessed it) 24 beers per day. Then I found this site. Thank god! I realized that I didn't have to do this alone and feel like a loser all the time. I am finally on day 13 and feeling pretty good! Definately going to make it to 30 AF!

Sounds like you have a great life with your husband and kids. A great distraction and solid reason to go AF for a while!

[Seto]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Hi again
Thanks for your replies, it really me get through these bad times. Listening to your experiences and advice I have two choices really - to go on and on in denial that I can moderate and thus leading up to the big event which makes me stop OR to hit AL right on the head and get him out of my system for good. I am off in the middle of the week to a place that will be like a rehab for me, its a very spiritual place and the people there don't drink at all. This is going to do me the world of good. I am going with my family for 3 months and hope to do a lot of soulsearching in that time. In one way it might be easier for me as temptation is not there. The big test will be when I get back to reality and now I have found you guys it seems I can do this. Much love to you allXXXSeto

[wantrealmeaning]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Seto,
that sounds fantastic, is it like a spiritual retreat or something? I'm sure that will do you the world of good. Will you have access to a PC?
You sound like you drink exactly how I do/did, always want more & more till I pass out, when I drank I also turned selfish and only cared about AL. It's an evil substance for people like me.
You will be able to stop Seto. Soulsearching is just what you need right now to help you get started and stay on track, just keep trying, in this game a failure isn't a failure it's a learning curve.

take care
want
:l
x

[Seto]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Thanks again Want.
No its not a spiritual retreat but its a very relgious place where alcohol is generally forbidden. We are visiting family, my husbands, and absolutely none of them drink. They don't know I have a problem with alcohol and would be very very surprised if they knew. We will be staying with them for 3 months, so alcohol is a definitive NO NO!! I'm actually looking forward to being healthy and clean and tbh being me again. I want to like me, I want my children to feel proud of me and I want my husband to have more respect for me. Al is so not worth it really, Al is definately evil in my eyes. Thanks for all your support and advice Want I really appreciate it. XXXSeto

[Guest]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

I hope you are ok. I know you could have taken me to a desert island when I was drinking and I would have found a way to drink. If you really want to stop then this will help someway though.

Just be careful.

[CS04]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Seto,
I too feel the mom guilt. I feel that the psychologocal hangover is worse than the physical one (which is really non-existent anymore). But you are taking steps;I am too but haven't truly taken the plunge yet. Waiting on CDs. tired of putting my brain and body thru this hell. But we are all here for each other.
CS

[missy64]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

:h

It is so nice to be able to come to a place and feel so much warmth and honesty....I am a problemed drinker and have started to feel so isolated from the other....so called "normal " people..... Thanx to all of your posts and words of wisdom....I know that I(we) are not alone.....and you know what? .....We will be ok... It is sooooo time to be nice to ourselves in a healthy way....

Have a super day!!!

:new:
Sandra

[Mad Mummy]

THIRD TIME LUCKY? PLEASE HELP

Welcome Missy! I agree with all you say. I'm new as well, only been posting for the past week and everyone is so supportive and seem to be going through/or have gone through what I am. We're all with you, keep in touch.