terrible morning but 2 days AF

[wastedtime]

Kids woke up with 15 mins to get in the car to go to grade school. They are young - 5 and 7. I just screamed at them - drill sergeant style. I was furious. I couldn't control my emotions. I said things I wish I could take back. My whole body hurts. My head, back, arms. I am near tears. I feel so guilty. What if it isn't the AL? What if I am just a terrible mother? I wonder what kind of memories they are going to have of me. I was an incredibly patient mother when they were younger but these past two years... it seems to get worse all the time. I thought I would feel better and be more in control after two days AF. Usually I feel pretty good after two days w/out AL. Usually that's when I feel so good that I start drinking again.

On the good side, I guess, is that I noticed this morning that my eyes and skin are clear and the color is back. I want to see what happens next. Good signs I mean. But I'm not sleeping. Having been an insomniac longer than I have been a drunk, I should be used to it, but I'm not dealing well. Apparently.

How long does it take to get the aL out of your system (tissues I guess) when you first go AF? Yesterday I completed 2 days AF.

My 5 year old fell down on the pavement yesterday and came in with a bloody palm and knee and rubbing her head. She said, "You know, Mommy, when someone falls down, they don't fall down on their butts, they fall down on their hands and knees and head every time because they are running forwards. That hurts more too." I thought, damn. She's right. When I fall down (fail) because I'm standing there doing the same stupid things I always do - drinking until I pass out - it hurts. But when I'm trying so hard to run, to move forward, and then fail, it hurts a lot worse. I guess you do learn everything you need to know in kindergarten.

Hope everyone has a good day. I'm going to the grocery store to get milk and bread. I have to go in the morning because if I go in the afternoon, I buy wine. Too embarrassed to do it in the am. Kids have been out of milk for a day and a half.

My wish today is a peaceful mind.

[sweet]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

:lIts ok!! I hear ya about the short temper with the kids. You are just on a rollercoaster with the AL burning out of your system. Hold tight, Just a few more days and you'll be much better. Try tylenol P.M.s they work for me! I'm new to the program, have my topomax on order, but I havent had any beer for 6 days!! Great to wake up with out the terrible hangover, and the guilt of being a crappy mother. I have a 3 yr old girl, and I wouldnt remember putting her to bed! What a loser! But I'm tryin' too! Hey, be easy on yourself. My husband likes his drinks too, so I have to try to not let that tempt me!! Keep doing the good work!!

[universal]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

HI Wasted Time,

Oh do I ever hear you. So many times I have yelled at my daughter and said things I wished I could take back and then asked myself the exact same question. It is hard to do what we do, it is hard to be a mom, it is hard to try to quit drinking. You are on day 3 - you sound determined, you should be proud. Try to lie down for a bit if you can before the kids come home from school, have a nice soda or a bath to try to relax and shed those frustrations from this morning out of your mind. Remember, the best part about children is that they are resilient and they know their mommy loves them. Take them to the park, have an ice cream together this afternoon, give them a cuddle. Remember, just because it was a stressful morning, the day is not lost.

Chin up - keep smiling - you can do this! And congrats on the 2 days AF - keep it up!

Love and Hugs,
Uni

[LVT25]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

Dear Wasted,

Be patient with yourself. The first few days are the worst. Are you taking any supplements? The B vitamins are pretty important. I also will take a GABA if I'm feeling.....bitchy.

I still get angry and yell at my kids. But now I'm more in control, and I also am having more good times with them as well. I spent alot of time being "selfish" at first. We have to make time for ourselves to make this work. Time to listen to the cd's, read, come here....

So hang in there. The toxins from the AL take quite awhile to get out of your system. Remember to drink lots of water. If you have time, read all you can about detoxing your body, and the MWO book again if you need to. I'm learning stuff everyday about how this and nicotine, and sugar, and.......affects us. Of course part of it is psychological too.

Hope your day gets better.

[aquamarine]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

Wasted- Hang in there. I felt very irritable for a long time. But there are things you can do to try to feel a little better. I know right now you probably don't feel like it but take a walk.
If your kids are still at school take a really long walk. It really will make you feel a bit better. The irritability will pass, I promise. Believe me I know about feeling guilty with your kids. Don't look back. Just try real hard when they come home today to be be extra patient and kind. And Congratulations on 2 day AF. That is an accomplishment. Now keep gong and make it 3. You can do this! Aquamarine

[JLMDetermined]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

Don't ponder on what happened in the past - you can't change it - but you can do things differently moving forward. March on! JLM

[Cinders]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

Wasted,

I agree with everyone else's comments. Be gentle with yourself the next few days. This is the roughest time of quitting.

By day 10, you are going to wonder how long it has been since you felt this good.

Between now and then it gets slowly better.

Take your vitamins and supplements, drink lots of water and be patient. You only want to have to do this once.

You will get your patience back in spades. and sleep, too.

Cindi

[Chief]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

Wastedtime (no more),

First of all, congratulations on getting through your first 2 days! It is a huge accomplishment....

What you are going through is normal for day 3. You are nervous and on edge....you are going through the physical part of withdrawl.

Make yourself a promise that this is the last time you are ever going to go through this....

This first week is all about cleansing your body of the toxins. Eat right, drink plenty of water, and get as much exercise as possible. These 3 things make a big difference....

Just concentrate on today. Make that vow to yourself that no matter what happens, you will not drink. Period. Be stubborn. Be relentless. Learn to recognize "Beast thoughts".....ANY thoughts of you taking a drink are put in your mind by The Beast.

YOU do not want to drink....The Beast wants you to drink. Learn to separate the 2 distinct thought patterns......one is the real you....the rational you that wants to solve this problem once and for all.....the intelligent you that knows drinking is killing you and robbing you of enjoying your life, your children...

The other is The Beast. It cares only about 1 thing....getting you to pour alcohol down your throat. It cares nothing about you, your life, your kids.....

This is your enemy. This is what you are fighting these first few days. And let me tell you something.......after 2 days AF.......The Beast is scared. He will throw whatever he has at you to get you to forget all this and "just have a drink", because he knows if he can get you to have 1, then he's got you......because there is no such thing as "having just one".....

So, I want you to realise what you are going through is normal. Keep yourself busy....take care of yourself.....pamper yourself......do whatever it takes to get to the end of the day and go to bed sober. Everyday will get better.....I promise. You have to do the work now, and you will see the rewards in a short while....

Keep posting.....my first few days I lived here. But it kept me in the game....kept me focused on the goal.


We're here for you....pm me anytime...

Don
Day 264 AF

[bestlifeldms]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

WT,

Congratulations on starting your third day sober! Even if it was a bit rocky! That's OK! Day three was always my WORST day. It gets better. All of the above is great advice. Anything that calms you is good right now, music - soothing things. Fresh air. Hot baths. It's different for everyone. The sleep thing will level out. I am on day 23. I am taking something called "midnight". It is natural causes your body to produce sleep hormones - feeble attempt to describe. I chew two, before I want to go to sleep. I understand you can chew an additional tablet if you wake up in the night and can't go back to sleep, but I have gotten up to the call of nature and always have been able to go back to sleep. When I hit about 45 days and will begin to taper off to where I won't take these.

Day 8 I felt human. Still having a little trouble with my bowels and I feel it has to do with my body adjusting to no alcohol. Also, really beat. So, I just sit on my butt at night.

You take care of yourself, and love those kids up. They remember the good stuff. I raised 5. You know, I always felt better if I apologized to my kids when I regretted my behavior. It helped me and it helps them. Tell em you're sorry about this morning, when they get home. Explain like maybe, "Mommy just isn't feeling real perkey right now. I'm OK, but I was just really grumpy this morning. I just want you to know that I love you and I don't like starting the day that way. I worried about how you were feeling all day and I wanted you to know that. Let's have a special night tonight!"

It will also teach them that it is a good thing to apologize and they will understand how much relief and emotional comfort it brings to the person who you hurt.

Anyway, don't beat yourself up all day. Just do what you can to change the situation so that you feel better and then they will too.

Love & Support, from one Mom to another! Best

[Guest]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

It's the alcohol. We always think we are; it's the guilt that comes along with having children and being a woman. I always feel guilty, and proud at the same time. Guilty that she gets a cold, falls down and bangs her head, the t-shirt I put on her is a touch too snug, she missed her bedtime by an hour, her hair isn't perfect today, she hasn't played with her cousins enough.... motherhood and women guilt.

Whether you want to moderate or go completely AF it's going to be hard. If it was easy, everyone would kick it. That's what makes it so rewarding. We all have to overcome our worst enemies; ourselves. Much easier said that done. I am here if you always want to PM me; there are lots of mothers on this board and fathers; who struggle with this everyday and can relate. Don't be shy. Everyone is really wonderful too talk to and they all have different aspects and advice to share.

All the best,

[Thankful]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

Wastedtime,

I agree with everything posted. A lot of words of wisdom here. Guilt helps no one, hun.
I really like what Bestlifeldms had to offer;

Quoted By Bestlifeldms

Explain like maybe, "Mommy just isn't feeling real perkey right now. I'm OK, but I was just really grumpy this morning. I just want you to know that I love you and I don't like starting the day that way. I worried about how you were feeling all day and I wanted you to know that. Let's have a special night tonight!"

My irritablity was really out of control in the beginning. Many people suggested herbal teas and I really didn't put much stock into it. I had that "yeah, right" attitude. But one day I was so deseparate I tried a cup of Chamomile and it really took that edge off. I was so grateful that I finally listened to the advise. I was very, very emotional in the beginning. I would cry at the drop of a hat and not even know why. But like everyone says, it really does get better.

You are doing just fine, hun. It will pass. You have to give yourself the time it takes to heal. You'll get there.

We are here for you always. Stay close, ok?

Love, Me
:l

[wastedtime]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

Thanks everyone. I'm holding on to all your advice and support. Kids will be home in an hour. I'll try again then. Wish I could shake this achiness but guess I'll just have to ride it out. I keep reminding myself that when I wake up tomorrow, I'll be done with day 3 AF and maybe things will be just a little bit brighter.

[Janice]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

Wastedtime, just want to add my support and welcome you to MWO. love Janicexxx

[Accountable for Me]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

wastedtime, hang in there. It is a tough ride the first while. I am on day 9 now after my last binge and find myself a little on the 'annoyed and short tempered' side still. It does get better each, and every day.

The body aches will go away too. Make sure you are drinking a lot of water. Alcohol leaves us dehydrated and could be what is causing your aches.

You are doing great! You will feel better soon, I promise!

[gelgit]

terrible morning but 2 days AF

Dear Wastedtime (no more no more), I read every word here over and over. I wish that I could have done that 30 years ago, and my grown kids would wish for the same thing. I know that regrets and guilt can do nothing for the future, but I am so glad for you that you and your children have all of that future in front of you right now. Be strong and brave. Give yourself all the love you deserve and don't drink. Remember that the future comes second by second. You can do it. :h to you and your little ones. g.