April in Review
My April did not turn out anything like I thought it might. I went into it really believing that I could go AF. I had a slip 5 days before April 1st and the guilt trip I handed myself demanded tribute. So I confidently yelled, "APRIL AF". I even spent the last few days of March easily AF. Then April 1st came and the choke hold began. For reasons that I find difficult to explain the little rebel inside of me does not like to be told no. The harder I worked to be AF the harder it became. I started feeling deprived, punished and resentful, so much so that by April 9th I felt so confined in my own self-inflicted goal (and reaction to it) that I imploded right into a large bottle of wine.
Talk about punishment! The hangover was bad, but not as bad as knowing that I had blew it with Team April. I lurked around the corners of MWO not wanting to engage in too much conversation. I did not want to answer questions like, "how are you?" I attended the chat room with caution and endured some scolding in private messages once the word was out. But, mostly I learned something about myself and, with that knowledge, I paid better attention as the rest of the month played out.
While I did not go AF in April, I did learn a lot about how I handle and view AL. I hope to use this knowledge to find the path to my ultimate goal.
Therefore, as I head into May I will be continuing that path. I will be a moderator in May. As a moderator, I will not be drinking everyday, but I will allow myself a glass of champagne to toast my daughter's graduation from High School. And, I will enjoy a beer, maybe two, to celebrate a summit success of Mt. Rainier. I will not overdo it, but I will not confine myself either. Here's to May!!!
Thank you all so much for sharing in the April journey with me!!!! This aint no disco, but the moves are a lot easier to learn with all of your support!
My April did not turn out anything like I thought it might. I went into it really believing that I could go AF. I had a slip 5 days before April 1st and the guilt trip I handed myself demanded tribute. So I confidently yelled, "APRIL AF". I even spent the last few days of March easily AF. Then April 1st came and the choke hold began. For reasons that I find difficult to explain the little rebel inside of me does not like to be told no. The harder I worked to be AF the harder it became. I started feeling deprived, punished and resentful, so much so that by April 9th I felt so confined in my own self-inflicted goal (and reaction to it) that I imploded right into a large bottle of wine.
Talk about punishment! The hangover was bad, but not as bad as knowing that I had blew it with Team April. I lurked around the corners of MWO not wanting to engage in too much conversation. I did not want to answer questions like, "how are you?" I attended the chat room with caution and endured some scolding in private messages once the word was out. But, mostly I learned something about myself and, with that knowledge, I paid better attention as the rest of the month played out.
While I did not go AF in April, I did learn a lot about how I handle and view AL. I hope to use this knowledge to find the path to my ultimate goal.
Therefore, as I head into May I will be continuing that path. I will be a moderator in May. As a moderator, I will not be drinking everyday, but I will allow myself a glass of champagne to toast my daughter's graduation from High School. And, I will enjoy a beer, maybe two, to celebrate a summit success of Mt. Rainier. I will not overdo it, but I will not confine myself either. Here's to May!!!
Thank you all so much for sharing in the April journey with me!!!! This aint no disco, but the moves are a lot easier to learn with all of your support!
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