On day 4 with everyday crap

[songbird]

Hi all...just want everyone who has helped me along know I have made it through a successful 3rd day, and now on day 4 because it is 12:30 a.m. here...

I am so angry right now...I just got finished working...I sing in bars and country clubs, restaurants, etc. and it is always hard when there is al everywhere. I got through it ok...almost caved, but told my band mate and he helped. This is what i love to do and do for a living. I would be depressed without using my voice.

I do see relearning how to deal in this situation because last year I quit smoking for my voice. Now its kind of the same thing...i won't get as sloppy, voice won't dry out from al and won't look like a drunken steriotypical mess.

I am angry because my boyfriend who lives far away went out and had a good time and said he would call, but took forever calling which sent me into a crazy mess and i feel bad that i snapped at him, but one thing he said i did not like was that i was wrong (he doesn't drink) and he said "what do you want a pat in the back for not drinking " I felt like blowing up...but of course didn't. And yes at least some sensitivity. I just wanted him to understand which he should...but no...

Am I being too sensitive? Is this the dreaded irritability? Am I being selfish, or is he...I can see how this potentially ruins relationships.

I just want to know how to calm down when things don't go my way and the beast is calling me to be friends with him again...this sucks. I'm safe tonight and am planning on getting through tomorrow. Bring on day 4.

Any experiences, or tips on this stuff?

[Bessie]

On day 4 with everyday crap

Hi Songbird

It can be so frustrating when people dont recognise your efforts and if your b/f doesn't even drink then it will be doubly difficult for him to understand how difficult this is for you. Is it possible that you can just tell him how it is? Or at least tell him that going with alcohol IS actually very hard for you and you would really appreciate some support. Not that 'pat on the back' but just the decent respect and support that a good partner should be able to provide. He probably would but maybe just had his back up cos you snapped at him and the long distance isn't a help. Maybe call him back, say sorry and just try to explain something of how hard this is for you. I bet his support will really help.

Well done on how far you have come and keep going. Turn your boyfriend into your ally and the Beast into your worst possible enemy.

Just my thoughts.


Bessiexx

[tlrgs]

On day 4 with everyday crap

sorry about your boyfriend not being understanding but you are doing a great job stay strong you are do it ..keep on going. peace and god bless

[Mia]

On day 4 with everyday crap

Hi Songbird

Songbird he just does not understand because he is not in the same place as we are. Lucky Him!!! lol Just talk to him tell him how you feel.

But I'm giving you a thousand pats on the back because you deserve it!!! Pat pat pat times a thousand. Day 4 that is fantastic. I'm on day 1. Oh well it is a start. :goodjob:

[evie]

On day 4 with everyday crap

Hi Songbird!
I can really relate to your feelings. My hubby cannot empathise in the slightest to my alcohol problem(which I realise is a good thing) and I do get very sensitive when cutting it out or down. I also realise I need to do this for me and not to look for 'pats on the back' from him. Try to use the anger against the al?- Well done for 4 days AF! :goodjob:Keep coming to this site for all the encouragement eh? Me- I've done a few AF days in the last few weeks and I did AF last night and intend to carry on (so I'm no expert).
Wishing you all the best
xx

[songbird]

On day 4 with everyday crap

Thanx for the good advice. I think i just got jealous and that isn't pretty. I drank for a reason. Self-esteem is one and being "stranded" or dumped, or left behind is something i fear...I don't want to feel like a jerk right now. I would usually numb out over it...I will call.

This just gets better every day doesn't it!? How much more fun can one person endure while feeling crappy.

I would probably feel crappier if i drank last night and had a conversation i didn't even remember today....so, I guess this is a good sign.


Day 4...headache day for me....thanx, SB:h

[LVT25]

On day 4 with everyday crap

Songbird, I am the same way when it comes to waiting for people to call or come home or whatever. In my first marr1age (to a major alcoholic) I was always watching out the window waiting, worrying, etc...I would get so worked up in the meantime. One time I even waited for him with a gun. Luckily he didn't show up at all that night. (I've gotten over my anger issues since then)

What you said this morning is right on. You would feel crappier if you drank. It is a good sign.

The pats on the back probably shouldn't be expected from someone that can't relate. Sometimes we just have to depend on ourselves for those. (And our fellow mwo'ers!)

Hang in there, girl!!

[cmhguy3]

On day 4 with everyday crap

Great Job Songbird!

Nothing else I can add from others other that. Hang in there, every day gets better...

[Peanut]

On day 4 with everyday crap

Hey Songbird,
Today is day 4 for me too, and although I am feeling tired from insomnia and horrific dreams (what's up with that?!?!), I am actually up!!!! I am not in bed until noon. But the headaches yesterday and boy, was I a crabby bitch last night. I must stop myself and tell myself I am mad at AL, not those fellows who really aren't meaning to be useless dinner-makers! ha! Anyway, hang in there. We will perservere!!
Peanut

[songbird]

On day 4 with everyday crap

Peanut..yes, looking more alive and up....Didn't sleep much, and crabby , angry and bitchy. I am trying to stay away from people. I am invited to a family thing tonight and am not going...Sounds like we are withdrawing the same...Although...I would kill for a drink of wine right now and i hate to admit it, but my mind is saying that it is ok...i feel and look better, one day won't hurt...start again tomorrow...all that crap. Then again...this is my time of day that i would start...

Called BF and talked...he said he would call in a couple of hours...now its been almost 5...WHY TODAY!!! Maybe i should shut my phone off and ignore it till later so i don't go nuts, then i can say i was out having a glorios day at the beach..meanwhile still in my jammies watching the tube, and calming my nerves down with valium, l-glut, and kudzu...UGHHH!!!!!!ull

[FloridaBoy]

On day 4 with everyday crap

songbird;321313 wrote: Hi all...just want everyone who has helped me along know I have made it through a successful 3rd day, and now on day 4 because it is 12:30 a.m. here...

I am so angry right now...I just got finished working...I sing in bars and country clubs, restaurants, etc. and it is always hard when there is al everywhere. I got through it ok...almost caved, but told my band mate and he helped. This is what i love to do and do for a living. I would be depressed without using my voice.

I do see relearning how to deal in this situation because last year I quit smoking for my voice. Now its kind of the same thing...i won't get as sloppy, voice won't dry out from al and won't look like a drunken steriotypical mess.

I am angry because my boyfriend who lives far away went out and had a good time and said he would call, but took forever calling which sent me into a crazy mess and i feel bad that i snapped at him, but one thing he said i did not like was that i was wrong (he doesn't drink) and he said "what do you want a pat in the back for not drinking " I felt like blowing up...but of course didn't. And yes at least some sensitivity. I just wanted him to understand which he should...but no...

Am I being too sensitive? Is this the dreaded irritability? Am I being selfish, or is he...I can see how this potentially ruins relationships.

I just want to know how to calm down when things don't go my way and the beast is calling me to be friends with him again...this sucks. I'm safe tonight and am planning on getting through tomorrow. Bring on day 4.

Any experiences, or tips on this stuff?

He will never understand...unless he went through the same thing. You need to come here for :l and :goodjob: This is a personal struggle and you are doing it for YOU. People who never smoked cannot understand why it is so difficult to stop.

[Peanut]

On day 4 with everyday crap

Hey Songbird,
It is getting on here sunday evening - given the time zones, hopefully you are sleeping peacefully and that the rest of your day was better. I was way less crabby today, and actually had fun running about out there in the fresh air, but glad I refrained from going out to visit last night - kinda felt bad, but one challenging day per weekend is enough for me. I just said I was tired, and the beau had fallen asleep. So today I drank only 3 AF beers, but am now home and safe. BUT, normally, once at home, this would be my time for that requisite bottle of wine, even if I had already drank 5 beer. My mind was "almost" saying it was ok, for a very short time, but I am determined - I still have to take my supper-time supplements. Better go do that right now.
Hang in there - I guess it it just minute by minute, yes? Not always easy. But let's try it. OK!
talk to you tomorrow!
Peanut

[fresh-start-at-36]

On day 4 with everyday crap

Hey songbird.

You deserve a bloody big pat on the back. Don't let your b/f upset your great efforts, you have done so well.

Hopefully your headaches will start to ease soon. Mine went away after about day 5. Now at day 14 and just getting the odd one here and there, but overall feel fantastic.

It's well worth it.

Keep up the great work.

Cheers

Brett from Aus.

[Metolius]

On day 4 with everyday crap

This is for You

I have found in a whole 13 days AF that it does take a certain amount of selfishness to start and continue being AF. A pat on the back would be nice, I don't and wouldn't expect it. Sometimes, compliments and pats on the back feel a little contrived and condenscending to me. At this early stage of the game others may be a little wary and take a wait and see attitude. Even on day 13 I feel as if I am gaining strength and control. It shocks the Hell out of me. What happens to others? I think they have become so used to "us" drinking it's a little weird, unnerving, etc, so they are not sure about how to handle the interpersonal aspects of a relationship. Maybe it's as simple as they think they don't know us anymore or won't know us anymore, it's a little scary. Congrats to those accomplishing their goals and to those who set new ones.

Much Love to All, Metolius