Now that I have taken my kudzu, Calms Forte, read 'My Way Out', ordered the drugs, CD's and herbs.
I need to document why I am here and why I want to stop drinking. I like to write, but don't do it well and I can't spell either but it is good theraphy. Maybe my feeble posting will encourage less confident posters.
My wieght. I have gained over 35lbs from a size six to a fourteen over the last 12 years since drinking daily.
My energy level. I was fading fast. When drinking have quite a few beers then sleep for two to three hours. Get up and drink some more beers for about an . Go back to bed for a few more hours. Go to work, if I had to, feeling grouchy, crabby and tired. On the weekends the only thing different was that I didn't have go to work.
I am starting to look like a haggy lush. I just went three weeks past when I should have had my hair colored, I don't pay attention to my nails and wear lots of black to cover my out of shape body.
I am no longer ambitist. My husband and I own our own business. We live in a small town. Because I have revolved my world around drinking once we established our business I don't participate in civic groups and activities that is essential to staying in business.
My husband is worried that I will not outlast him. He hopes to have me around for quite a few more years and experiences.
I haven't visited my family because I know I am a wreck My brother mentioned concern the last time I saw him over 4 years ago. He has enough on his plate without worring about me.
I can't remember what I talked to anyone about the next day. That's so aggravating. So, the only person that I talk to while I am drinking is my husband. I don't take or make phone calles after 5:30pm on weekdays and after 9:00am on weekends.
I also don't email, write letters to the editor, post or signup on websites or shop. (But that rule started just in the last few years).
I get hairs up my ass that leads destructive or expensive behaviour.
I don't want to be drinking and be discussed with myself and contemplate locking myself in the car with it running. Not good!
I want to work in my garden.
I want to take walks on the beach with my husband and dogs.
I don't want to feel like crap anymore.
So there you have it. Let me know what you think. I don't want to bore anyone with the details.
Thank you for this chance.
Vikki
Comment