Weekend Dilemma

[MyNewLife]

Ok, I am facing a choice. I?ve been a really good boy ? this is day 32 AF and I?ve lost 17 pounds during that time. This weekend I am hosting a cook-out at my house. When I entertain I really like to have a drink (or more). So, I am wondering if I could do some moderation for Saturday only. I am thinking that I go buy just one regular size bottle of Bacardi so the temptation is not in my house after Saturday.

The downside is that I have to quit counting AF days or at least reset and I?ve been really excited each day as the count increases. I am pretty sure that I can cut it back off ? but it?s still a little scary.

Anyone have thoughts on this?

Thanks much!

MNL
32AF days

[Bambi]

Weekend Dilemma

Hi Hun (MNL), the choice is yours. Some can moderate, some can't....

Awesome job on the 32 days AF and the 17 pounds !!! Way to go! Only you can decide the next step. The one that is right for you!

Hugs & Wishes,
Bambi

[july232007]

Weekend Dilemma

Mynewlife,

A good question and a good reason to question. Why did you go AF? What are your goals? Do you have a history w/ successful moderation?

Be careful. Moderation is risky. Good luck.

Some here, me included, have tried moderation only to find ourselves back where we started in a rather short time.


July

[nancy]

Weekend Dilemma

Hi there

I think moderation is possible. But I wonder about the setting you choose to test yourself. Barbecues can be challenging booze wise. Personally I find any event with free-flowing, free booze difficult. And all these people will be around so if something does go wrong, it could be embarassing.

I think also, to be honest, there is a thrill when you have that drink again, it's like you feel you are not deprived anymore and I think sometimes this can lead to excess, just due to the excitement.

If I were you I would get a high quality NA beer, like odouls amber, for your barbecue and put it in a glass so noone knows what you are drinking.

If you want to test yourself, do it while out with a few loved ones.

This is just my opinion.

AS for resetting the count,that isn't a big issue in my opinion but I am not big on counting.

[Ask For Help]

Weekend Dilemma

Hey MNL:

I'm a modder: but I'm think July asks the right questions. What are your ultimate goals. If being AF now is what you want, I'd keep if up during the cookout as well. I drink O'Douls on my AF occaisions.

Moving to mods should be a very thoughtful choice with a clear set of goals and guidelines. It's really not a one day thing. Have you been thinking of modding and if so, what have you been imagining? Drinking once ina great while and maintaining AF the rest of the time? or drinking several times/week? If so, how many or how much? See once you start drinking some, you have to have a pretty clear sense of "what is OK" so you'll know if you're getting in trouble. That's a mods rule of thumb for me anyway.

So let us know what you're thinking, and good luck in your decision.
Fondly,

AFH

[janedunn26]

Weekend Dilemma

Hi MNL,
I am new at this also. I did 23 days AF. Had planned on doing 30 and then modding. Had a tough day at work and our daughter was out of the house and my husband and I decided to go out to dinner. I decided before hand to have a couple of glasses of wine. My plan was not well thought out. I didn't sip, I gulped, I didn't eat enough. I didn't drink water between each glass and I had 4 glasses and the worst hangover of my life today. I had to work and felt terrible. It is hard to believe that I drank 4 glasses of wine, i.e. one bottle, every night before my 3 weeks AF! Today is AF of course and I need to re-stratagize. I want to mod and I need plan to eat, to sip, and put a limit on it. I was "drunk" but a happy drunk but paid the price with a terrible "lost day". Advice, make a clear plan and stick with it. Eat a lot, fill drinks with water in between. It was so easy to fall back into the old habit. Tomorrow, I can't wait to wake up and feel great again.
Good luck with your decision and your plan. Congrats on your 30 plus days!

Jane

[MyNewLife]

Weekend Dilemma

Thanks All! This is great info.

My long term goal is to do mod. I went AL free to try to reset myself, clean out my system, and get a handle on my life. I'd like to be able to have a (note singular) drink on the weekends after a few months. We go to Mexico each summer (family) and my wife and I go to Jamaica each fall (romantic get-away) so I want to be able to drink then as well. So, I guess my largest goal is to be able to control it - enjoy it when when I want it (not NEED IT). My other goal is huge weight loss. I need to loose about 60 pounds and the AL is pretty much what put me here - I am not big on sugar or snacks - I don't even eat alot. AL got me up to this weight. 30 days of no AL has allowed me to be 17 pounds lighter already. As I sit here and type this I am enjoying my peach tea and have not even thought of needing a drink this evening. Pretty amazing after 10 years of this...

So, I'm still not quite sure of what my plan will be. I think I will take it ODAT and see what my feelings are Saturday. My take-away from each of you is to be careful - and that is at the forefront of my mind. Thanks to each of you for caring enough to share your thoughts with me. I am truly thankful that there is this support system available.

MNL

[FloridaBoy]

Weekend Dilemma

You know yourself better than we do but I agree with Nancy...do the AF beer. A BBQ is no place, IMHO, to try to start moderating. I could not do it. If you are worried about control leave the AL alone. Just think about how good you feel now. Hangovers are murder after you have been AF a while

[KateH1]

Weekend Dilemma

Many of us would like to "think" that we are able to MOD successfully. Some can, many cannot. In the book My Way Out, it describes being able to MOD as the same as eating Butter. If we are able to KNOW that alcohol is no longer an Issue and that we can treat alcohol like "Butter", or any other food or beverage, then, and only then, should be attempt to MOD. Only you know the answer to these questions.

By the way, great job on your 32 days AF!
Best Wishes,
KH

[bestlifeldms]

Weekend Dilemma

Mynewlife,

I too am 32 days, AF. Congratulations! However, I haven't lost the 17 lbs. Must be that bowl of ice cream right before I go to bed. LOL!

I agree 100% with July232007's post above. Moderation is risky. I tried. I can't! Plain and simple. You may be able to. It ends up being your decision. What ever you do, enjoy your cook out and company!

Best

[janedunn26]

Weekend Dilemma

Hi MNL
You may want to visit the Long Term Moderators forum for some tips. You have put in your 30 days. I agree that an all day BBQ is risky and probably not the best place to start. Many in that forum are successfull at moderating. Many cannot. I don't know if I can either. Each of us have our own goals and our own degrees of alcoholism. We each will have to find (or many have already found) our own way. My Way Out has yet to be determined but I am discovering it through this program. Congrats on your acomplishments thus far! Your weight loss is astounding. I lost 2 lbs in 23 days..... I guess I had too much ice cream too......
Good luck!!! Keep up the GREAT WORK!
jane

[Kiri]

Weekend Dilemma

FYI for those of you who wish to remain AF the AF beer has aromas that promote actual drinking at least early on in our abstinence. It never affected me but it can be a cue and I, for one am forgoing it at least for now as I am at day 15 and trying to "rewire" my brain intensively to new patterns. Consider your anxiety about the moderation issue as a clue to your own heart on the matter, ie, maybe you just are not ready to take that risk right now in this setting.
As for me, I never drank to be social or for one drink or 2, I drank to get wasted, so moderation was never my goal and still isn't. I believe it will be easier for me to continue to be AF.
I feel great. I feel this is finally something that I can really stick with, understand, and embrace. I have lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks without much hunger. I am looking forward and cautiously optimistic that I can now make plans and follow through on them. What a relief.
Kiri

[paula]

Weekend Dilemma

MnW, i hope to get to know you before presuming to give advice. I am not a moderator, so maybe
you won't want to know. Best of luck anyway. Paula.

[MyNewLife]

Weekend Dilemma

Hey all -

BBQ was great. I did hot wings for the first time on my smoker. They burned going in and I assume in the morning they will burn going out!!! ;-) On of my neighbors had sweat beeds on his forehead so I think that was a sign that I hit just the right amount of hot!!!

So, what happened... I had three rum and diet cokes throughout the day. Pretty cool - I could take it or leave it. I drank lots of water as well. I really believe that tomorrow when I get up, AL will be the last thing on my mind.

I do think I mod'ed ok this evening but I plan to abstain again for another 30 days - maybe a little soon to go full mod.

I twisted my foot at the Gym Thurs so looks like I am out of commission for a little while.

I really do appreciate all the well-wishes and your thoughts. All of you are great and I hope that someday I can repay be helping someone along this journey.

Take care,
MNL

[Mohun]

Weekend Dilemma

Glad it went well for you MNL. It's great you were able to keep it under control and are getting back to another 30 day stint. :goodjob:

I love experimenting with my smoker. Which reminds me, I have to take some salmon out to smoke this week.

Cheers,

Mo.