Just found this site last week, have been "lingering". I need to do something. I have not had but one or two AF days in the last year, and less than ten in the last 3. I know this. And I know I need to stop it. I just haven't been able to.
I'm 43 an a successful business person. Was in the hotel business for years which really set the stage for my drinking,it was part of the culture. That and a family history, and voila - me!
I didn't use to drink so much, but about 9 years ago, I was married with a new baby, and for reasons not related to drinking, because I was very moderate then except a few binges a year, we divorced. From then I drank to not be alone and even though I had a ton of relationships, always was still alone. I always thought they were just being a "bitch" when I would break up and they'd call me a loser drunk. I finally lost my job from it, yet it still didn't "click". New job, new life, new city, start over. But I still wasn't able to and still lonely as ever.
I love to cook. I'd cook dinner for myself, gourmet, and drink wine while I did in this magnificent loft. Trouble was I'd drink and drink and by the time dinner was done I couldn't eat. I'd sit on the sofa and pass out.
Better now, married again and great job, and don't nearly drink like that at all anymore, but I still drink more than I want to or should. Usually a bottle a night of wine.
Here was my weekend:
Friday after work, meet with friends at our house, open up the wine, and drink pretty much all night. Now that is OK, if that is the only night and it is because friends are over, right?
I get up Saturday, work out, do my thing. Not really hung over, rarely am I maybe I am so used to them I just think that is how everyone feels in the morning. It is a great day out. Decide a great day to grill, so steaks and a two bottles of wine. Two? Yes, I open two, one for my wife and I, and one I keep in the cabinet so I can refill the glass without her realizing how much I am drinking.
After dinner, we finish the bottle, she says "wow, we polished the whole bottle off!". I am pretty sure there is very little of my stashed bottle, too, not that I'd share. I am in a daze, a fuzz, how can she not know? We go to bed, I pass out. Sunday morning comes, I feel like crap both physically and emotionally. Take a walk, feel better. WOrk out, feel better. Eat something, feel even better. Actually great now, a little sluggish. What a great day! We should get a bottle of wine and sit outside................ And so on and so on. I need to break this, I never WANT to drink that much. I just do. One glass is two, and my trick is I always refill at 1/3 left so it doesn't seem like as much, but you know, it still empties a bottle, sometimes into 2.
My best trick is opening a bottle to drink and one for "cooking". I don't need to say any more.
I am ready to kick this, and am so glad I found this place. Everything I read is so supportive and I need that. I can't do the AA and I am embarrassed to talk to my wife about it, she loves me for me and probably even thinks I drink a little more than I should, but she has no idea that I struggle with guilt and frustration and not being able to so no or even moderate. If it is there, I drink it.
So, I'm in it. I saw a thread by Travis to start May 13, tomorrow, to go 14 or 15 days, I'm joining him and others that said they would. I know I can do it, just need to know I'm not alone.
Thanks for listening!
I'm 43 an a successful business person. Was in the hotel business for years which really set the stage for my drinking,it was part of the culture. That and a family history, and voila - me!
I didn't use to drink so much, but about 9 years ago, I was married with a new baby, and for reasons not related to drinking, because I was very moderate then except a few binges a year, we divorced. From then I drank to not be alone and even though I had a ton of relationships, always was still alone. I always thought they were just being a "bitch" when I would break up and they'd call me a loser drunk. I finally lost my job from it, yet it still didn't "click". New job, new life, new city, start over. But I still wasn't able to and still lonely as ever.
I love to cook. I'd cook dinner for myself, gourmet, and drink wine while I did in this magnificent loft. Trouble was I'd drink and drink and by the time dinner was done I couldn't eat. I'd sit on the sofa and pass out.
Better now, married again and great job, and don't nearly drink like that at all anymore, but I still drink more than I want to or should. Usually a bottle a night of wine.
Here was my weekend:
Friday after work, meet with friends at our house, open up the wine, and drink pretty much all night. Now that is OK, if that is the only night and it is because friends are over, right?
I get up Saturday, work out, do my thing. Not really hung over, rarely am I maybe I am so used to them I just think that is how everyone feels in the morning. It is a great day out. Decide a great day to grill, so steaks and a two bottles of wine. Two? Yes, I open two, one for my wife and I, and one I keep in the cabinet so I can refill the glass without her realizing how much I am drinking.
After dinner, we finish the bottle, she says "wow, we polished the whole bottle off!". I am pretty sure there is very little of my stashed bottle, too, not that I'd share. I am in a daze, a fuzz, how can she not know? We go to bed, I pass out. Sunday morning comes, I feel like crap both physically and emotionally. Take a walk, feel better. WOrk out, feel better. Eat something, feel even better. Actually great now, a little sluggish. What a great day! We should get a bottle of wine and sit outside................ And so on and so on. I need to break this, I never WANT to drink that much. I just do. One glass is two, and my trick is I always refill at 1/3 left so it doesn't seem like as much, but you know, it still empties a bottle, sometimes into 2.
My best trick is opening a bottle to drink and one for "cooking". I don't need to say any more.
I am ready to kick this, and am so glad I found this place. Everything I read is so supportive and I need that. I can't do the AA and I am embarrassed to talk to my wife about it, she loves me for me and probably even thinks I drink a little more than I should, but she has no idea that I struggle with guilt and frustration and not being able to so no or even moderate. If it is there, I drink it.
So, I'm in it. I saw a thread by Travis to start May 13, tomorrow, to go 14 or 15 days, I'm joining him and others that said they would. I know I can do it, just need to know I'm not alone.
Thanks for listening!
ray:
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