I screwed up

[happydog]

I screwed up

RN... We can only learn from how slip, it shows you are a strong person you got back up and come on here.

FinallyRN..no it not so bad! good on you keep going forward now.x

Love
Teardrop.x

[FloridaBoy]

I screwed up

Ribs and ice tea.....not a bad combination. Try that next time.

[Frogzter]

I screwed up

I am new here and you don't know me, but I just wanted to add some encouragment for you. We have all fallen short many a time before and a set back is just that a set back... it is not the end and it does not mean failure. It is but a temporary glitch. You have courage and strength I can see by the others here that admire you so much so don't beat yourself up. Your honesty is top notch and that is where you start to heal by acknowledging and getting back on track! I wish you all the best.

I only have 6 AF days myself and that is for the last 20 years. I can't tell you how many times I have slipped and felt the sorrow shame and guilt. It is so good to know that we are not alone!

You rock, so keep on rockin!

All the best!

[paula]

I screwed up

RN, we learn from our mistakes, I should know I'm an expert at making them. You will be ok.
Brush yourself down, you know the rest.
Welcome SpiritGirl.
Paula xx

[matthen]

I screwed up

Excuse the edgy language, but ..................

damn!!!! That Beast is a sneaky bastard !!!!!!!!! Hey, you didn't screw up, you were mugged in an alley by a criminal. Bless you, I feel your pain, as the saying goes. But on MWO, we all really DO feel your pain. I love Florida's response -- ribs and ice tea -- so we are all so happy that you came here this morning instead of going to the fridge for a beer. Lots of Love,

[Cinders]

I screwed up

RN,

I posted my response on the ODAT thread.

Get that facial and massage!!

Love,
Cindi

[nancy]

I screwed up

Hi Finally RN

I think you have a lot to feel good about and little to feel bad about. I know you missed work, but that isn't the end of the world. And feeling like crap will go away in a day or two. Sounds to me like this time there is no permanent damage, busted relationships or vehicles.

You tried what you set out to do, which is moderate, and failed. There is no shame in that but it might teach you that you are better off with abstinence.

First of all, 30 days with no booze is a great achievement and one that a lot of people can't make.

I would also like to say I am suspicious of the 30 day trial for the reasons you mention in your post. I think if you approach a period of abstinence as temporary, it builds a lot of expectations of getting off the trial period. And I think as you say, the buzz after not drinking feels so good it is hard to resist having more. That it to say, the buzz seems more attractive after abstinence.

I don't know what the answer is. I know six months without alcohol took the patterns away for me (this is not currently, previous attempt) but I did them without thinking I was going to drink again, so therefore without building up all the excitement of having one after an abstinence period. Or trying to scale back while drinking might make more sense for those who truly think they can moderate.

So what I am trying to say is that in my opinion, the 30-day trial is either too short or too long and you need to be in the right frame of mind while doing it.

Good luck getting back on track. Given how you stuck to your goals, I have a feeling you are going to be ok.

[caseaday]

I screwed up

Nancy,

Thanks for the post that you just put up. It really makes a lot of sense to me based on my personality. I was originally thinking that I would go 30 days AF and then moderate, but I really know down in my gut that it will only be an excuse to drink. And I also know that one a day will eventually lead to 24 a day. I proved that last week when I went on a seven day bender.

I also think we put ourselves under a lot of pressure when we put the 30 day mark on the calendar. What happens on day 31? Are we supposed to hit the "happy hour" crew at the bar and only have one? Or should it be three? But what if my friends stay later? Or should I wait until day 32 because that is a Saturday?

I realized it is way too much pressure for me! I decided to go for 30 days AF and hope that I am feeling so great that I don't even think about it anymore. An unrealistic hope, but it is better than anticipatory stress!

Thanks again for your post...

[FinallyRN]

I screwed up

very funny FloridaBoy.........ice tea and Ribs!!! Made me laugh. I just hate ice tea.

Thanks foe everyones input..........I have said in the past that I want to moderate, have successfully in the past but obviously things change. Why? I don't know......age? habits? What I have discovered and have said so, I don't know if I want to moderate anymore.........it just takes too much damn effort! Do I have a drink today?? How many?? Is twice a week too much? Will that amount bring me back to binging???? If you're AF, you're AF. No thought or decisions to make. I was way over 30 days when this happened Caseaday, approx 45 I think..........I stopped counting because the #'s made me uneasy. I don't know if that makes sense to you. But as you say when I hit 30 then it was "now what". I didn't want that feeling to come with every milestone.........60, 90, Now what?
Anyway, I feel better today other than a restless night..........Day 2 AF

[matthen]

I screwed up

You know, Nancy and Case described the alcoholic world that I know. Maybe you are different, maybe not. But for me, there can never, ever, ever be just one, two or three drinks. Never! Some of us are like that, we just have to discover ourselves and determine where we fit in. Keep working the question in your head till you have the answer.

[time2change]

I screwed up

RN
Just want to add my suppot to all the others. As long as you keep at this you will be making progress. We are all behind you.

[Chief]

I screwed up

I have never liked the 30 day trial period....

For me, when I found MWO and decided to give it a whirl, the first time I made it 3 days. The second time I made it 21 days and thought..."this isn't so bad....I can quit whenever I like..." So I bought a 12 pack.....well that turned into a 3 month binge...

Then I came back last August and decided I had to quit drinking. I hated myself and what I had become. I decided I was going to get through the withdrawl and never go through it again. Af is AF. Modding is a ridiculous fantasy for me.....I proved to myself for 30 years I could not mod....why would I think I could do it now?....

It was so much easier to just be done with it.....why continue the torture? I decided the only way I would beat The Beast was to never step into the ring with him.

So Kate.....as far as battling this the rest of your life.....it's only a battle if you make it one. Sure, life throws you curve balls. When I was going through my cancer scare, The Beast was throwing everything he had at me to try and get me to drink. But I was 250+ days AF...there was no way I was going to blow that....I was able to recognise the thoughts as "Beast Thoughts" and keep my resolve.

I'm at day 279 and wouldn't take a drink for anything. I'm very much aware of my sobriety and I cherish it. I don't have "cravings" anymore....just the occasional "romantic thoughts" about having a drink. But I know those thoughts are still The Beast trying to trick me. I think The Beast will always be here....hiding and dormant....but as long as I know that....there is no battle.

The Beast wants it to be a battle. It wants me to consider taking a drink and controlling it. But that would be stepping into the ring.....and I don't do that anymore. I've been hit too many times....

I would much rather stand outside the ring and watch The Beast walk around alone....

There is no battle.

Don

[Chief]

I screwed up

I have never liked the 30 day trial period....

For me, when I found MWO and decided to give it a whirl, the first time I made it 3 days. The second time I made it 21 days and thought..."this isn't so bad....I can quit whenever I like..." So I bought a 12 pack.....well that turned into a 3 month binge...

Then I came back last August and decided I had to quit drinking. I hated myself and what I had become. I decided I was going to get through the withdrawl and never go through it again. AF is AF. Modding is a ridiculous fantasy for me.....I proved to myself for 30 years I could not mod....why would I think I could do it now?....

It was so much easier to just be done with it.....why continue the torture? I decided the only way I would beat The Beast was to never step into the ring with him.

So Kate.....as far as battling this the rest of your life.....it's only a battle if you make it one. Sure, life throws you curve balls. When I was going through my cancer scare, The Beast was throwing everything he had at me to try and get me to drink. But I was 250+ days AF...there was no way I was going to blow that....I was able to recognise the thoughts as "Beast Thoughts" and keep my resolve.

I'm at day 279 and wouldn't take a drink for anything. I'm very much aware of my sobriety and I cherish it. I don't have "cravings" anymore....just the occasional "romantic thoughts" about having a drink. But I know those thoughts are still The Beast trying to trick me. I think The Beast will always be here....hiding and dormant....but as long as I know that....there is no battle.

The Beast wants it to be a battle. It wants me to consider taking a drink and controlling it. But that would be stepping into the ring.....and I don't do that anymore. I've been hit too many times....

I would much rather stand outside the ring and watch The Beast walk around alone....

There is no battle.

Don

[tlrgs]

I screwed up

like the saying goes grab the bull by the horns and ride baby ride .and yeah to tell you the truth i would love to be able to mods but i know i cant. i can live with that decidetion and its better for me and everyone else. that i dont . and life is just too damn short to waste my time and money drinking ..
peace ,love and god bless..

[FloridaBoy]

I screwed up

FinallyRN;326480 wrote: very funny FloridaBoy.........ice tea and Ribs!!! Made me laugh. I just hate ice tea.

Thanks foe everyones input..........I have said in the past that I want to moderate, have successfully in the past but obviously things change. Why? I don't know......age? habits? What I have discovered and have said so, I don't know if I want to moderate anymore.........it just takes too much damn effort! Do I have a drink today?? How many?? Is twice a week too much? Will that amount bring me back to binging???? If you're AF, you're AF. No thought or decisions to make. I was way over 30 days when this happened Caseaday, approx 45 I think..........I stopped counting because the #'s made me uneasy. I don't know if that makes sense to you. But as you say when I hit 30 then it was "now what". I didn't want that feeling to come with every milestone.........60, 90, Now what?
Anyway, I feel better today other than a restless night..........Day 2 AF

Uh oh, I'm in trouble now. :egad: