How can I make this time different?

[cpn1004]

How can I make this time different?

After the fourth, knowing I only had two left, I began to feel desparate, because six beers is just not enough for me lately. When I was finished, I drank some water and got ready for bed. I felt tired, lazy, cranky, and kind of like- why did I even bother? It wasn't worth it.

Jls10: I know the feeling. It happened to me yesterday. I bought a six pack of Bud on the way home and after the fourth one, felt the panic of only two beers left. Well lucky for me, I needed prepare a nice meal for my wife so I went to the grocery store and gee...why not...pick up another six pack.

I woke up this morning feeling like sh&t and not knowing how many beers I drank. (the meal was great by the way). Checked the refrigerator and discovered 3 beers left. Wow, I drank 9 and it felt like 11 or 12 (we all know those feelings, I think). So I am back to day one, again.
Don't have any great words of wisdom, just...you are not alone.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[Muddle]

How can I make this time different?

It is so validating to find people like me. The pattern of isolation, thinking you "deserve" that drink, and the gradual shrinking of the world in which you engage. Thank you all for making me feel less alone and less like it is just me who isn't "normal." Today is Day 6, and I will make it through the weekend. When I first started here, I could only commit to 14 days, but once I get that under my belt, I may go for the 30. Baby steps . . .

[Muddle]

How can I make this time different?

P.S. Evie, thanks for the tip about the Women for Sobriety website. I'll check it out.

[caseaday]

How can I make this time different?

JLS10,

I used to get really nervous if there wasn't any beer in the fridge. I.e. If it was 9:00 and there was only a six pack left I would rush like a mad man to the liquor store before it closed and by another case so I could be sure there was beer for the rest of the night and also for the next morning when I would start again at 10:00 sharp.

When I decided to go AF for the first time about a month ago I actually bought a case of beer and put it in the fridge because it made me less freaked and it also gave me comfort to look at it and say no!

Pretty crazy approach but it worked for me. The case is gone but I didn't drink it. My neighbor and brother drank it as I was drinking NA beers!

Ahhh the crazy lives we have created for ourselves!

[boozehag]

How can I make this time different?

I can totally relate to the shrinking world. When AL was in control of me I still did what I had to do work, kids, housework etc but I was just going through the motions. At kids sports games etc or even just out and about I would avoid other people as I was either hungover or recovering and feeling anxious and low self esteem or even paranoid that everyone knew I was a piss head. Now that I am day 48 AF it is quite amazing what a difference it makes. I now talk to everyone even random people that I dont know (very embarrasing for the kids though) as I no longer have anything to hide. Its like a whole new world has opened up for me. When I was drinking I also used to panic if I thought the AL would run out. Even when I was socialising with other people I would be counting in my mind how much AL was left. What a horrible feeling. Anyway good luck to all of you on this journey.
BH

[emily]

How can I make this time different?

hiya

just to say I know exactly what you mean and how you are feeling.

But, on the advise of a post on this site I read Alan Carr's 'the easy way to stop drinking' and I can honestly say I have stopped for good. It gives you a totally different way of looking at alcohol and I wish I had read it years ago. It has worked for me and it has worked for others, no harm in reading it, you've nothing to lose but everything to gain. You'll get it cheap off Amazon

take care

[nlynch]

How can I make this time different?

Hi JLS,
It sounds like I wrote this thread, it is so much like my current situation. I have tried so many times and feel the same when not drinking. It really does my head in. Good luck and I hope I can stick to it like you will.
Niki

[LindaP]

How can I make this time different?

HELLO FROM ENGLAND

Hi

You've described my cycle exactly except I don't work at the moment and haven't done for about ten years. I have been dumped by so many partners because of the drink and my last partner and I finished at Christmas when we were supposed to go away to Madeira and I chose to drink three bottles of brandy and he found my empties. He put up with so much but in the end he realised that the drink was more important to me than him. He has now found somebody else and I'm all alone (again) fighting my battle - wanting to get out of the viscious circle.

This time I've been AF for 16 days and I have to admit that I feel really good in myself. I am keeping away from any pressure and stress that may crop up until I feel stronger. I did have a couple of glasses of wine on Friday but there wern't any cravings afterwards. And after drinking alone for as long as I can remember it was nice to have a drink with a friend - something normal.

Vodka is my downfall and on my last binge I had not only withdrawals but hallucinations which scared the hell out of me. I'm sick of not drinking for a few days and then thinking I am well and its okay to have a drink and then off I go. I have lost weeks at a time and when I come round my flat looks as if a bombs has it, I don't wash and my poor cats don't get looked after. We must be mad to behave like this and I don't understand why we do it. If anyone has the answer I would love to hear from them.

This site is great - I only found it a week ago and it does help me. I read the notices everyday. I also keep a diary, try to stick to a routine and know what I'm going to do every day. Two things from AA that I've learnt is just keep it one day at a time and picking up the first drink is our downfall.

Sorry this has been such a long message - but it also helps me to write about my experiences - I never want to go there again - but the problem is that we can't make any promises.

I would love to hear from other member, both for support and friendship.

Linda

[Hannah]

How can I make this time different?

Hi all. Yes, I remember "eyeing" the level of the wine in the fridge - except I would actually have to pick it up and shake it because I always bought the 4 L boxes, and you can't see through those......and how many of those things got poured down the drain after only drinking maybe 1L out of them because I had gotten up in the morning with a steely resolve that this would be the day I quit drinking - so down the sink it would go. And back to the store I would go in the afternoon.....viscious circle.....

But, have been AF for about three weeks now...think of the money I'm saving!!!!!

[fresh-start-at-36]

How can I make this time different?

Hi jls10,

Welcome to this wonderful place.

What you said about really "being with my kids". That makes it worth it. I am at day 28 AF and if nothing else, that makes it worth it. My kids just respond differently with me now. They have become even closer than ever. It is the most amazing feeling.

I also agree with FloridaBoy. Once you really make that choice, it is so much easier.

That Jekyll and Hyde battle in your heads ceases to exist.

Good luck and all the best with your decision.

Warm Regards

Brett.

[DogLvr]

How can I make this time different?

JLS10 - I echo what everyone else has said -
What's been working for me is to get on the computer when I am feeling anxious (usually right before I am supposed to go to dinner with friends or family) - the people in there talk me off the edge.
I also haven't been saying no to going out - I just make sure I am conscious about what I am drinking - and the cranberry and club sodas have been good replacements for the beer, wine or martinis!

I don't know how everyone else started out. But I haven't told anyone else that I am trying to quit - and I am sure my husband is wondering why the partially full bottle of wine has been sitting in the fridge for 3 weeks - it never usually lasted more than 3 days.

Florida Boy - Hope all is well in the Everglades with you - I know there are a lot of fires going on.