Umm Hello?

[kiagmin]

This is a first for me. I don't know where to start. I lost my mother at the age of 5. I have someone in my life for the first time that is wonderful, faithful and adores me. I feel as if all I try to do is mess it up. All of my life I have spent waiting for that "other shoe to fall". I became a mother at the age of 17 and my daughter just got married 3 weeks ago... Wow talk about some emotions there. My son is 14 and 6"1 1/2, hard to dicipline as you can imagine. We are trying to bring two separate families together with two separate parenting skills. I feel as if I have no control. Lately I have been turning to the drinking just to make it ok. I guess taking this step is one good thing that I am doing. I am an evening and weekend drinker. I find my relaxation that way. Lately for me it is not so much relaxing. I am hoping I can find what ever is trigger this and control it. I am obviously a control freak as well... Hoping I don't have too many issues for this forum... Wish me luck.

[boozehag]

Umm Hello?

Hi Kia
Yes you have taken the first step which is a big thing as it means you realise that you have a problem and you want to do something about it. That is the first step so you are already on your way. It must be the control freak in you! That will be very helpful to you. If you want to change you so can you just have to committ yourself to it and stick with the PLAN. PLANNING is everything. Read the book and make up your own way. Most people go for 30 days AF just to get some perspective. Its not that hard as you would be amazed at how quickly each day passes and before you know it you are there. Dont think about the big picture just yet as thats probably too freaky. Most people starting out say they are afraid of what their life is going to be like without AL - once you get to 30 days you will realise that it was just the AL talking. I can totally identify with your difficulties I had blended family issues and by god is that hard. Also have 13 year old who is almost 6 foot and 100kg of sheer muscle - try reasoning with that!.. My eldest was a skinny nerd but he was first speaker on the debating team! Now what did I ever do to deserve that. Not sure whether I prefer dealing with the brawn or the brain. Anyway just to let you know we are here to help and we can all identify in various different ways to your situation. Keep posting. Get the book get the vitamins and you will feel empowered.
BH

[Wooflet]

Umm Hello?

Welcome kiagmin. I'm glad you found this site and hope it helps you as much as it has helped me. I too drank to relax and numb emotions, but at the latter stages it really wasn't very relaxing. Now thanks to this site I'm on day 20 AF - I've not gone that long without alcohol for more than ten years. Read the book, decide on which elements of the programme you want to embrace, and read and post lots here.

Look forward to hearing more from you.

Wooflet x

[4theboyz]

Umm Hello?

Hello Kia,

Congratulations on the significant other in your life as well as the new SIL! 2 new men in your life after so much time being responsible for yourself is a couple of big time adjustments to make!

I couldn't help but notice that you used the word "control" to describe your desire to face your triggers. Al and it's triggers control you and not the other way around. Drinking can give you a false sense of security and let you believe all is well in your life when many things probably aren't other wise why would you have the addiction in the first place? AL addiction IMO is a sure sign of loss of control over some important element or issues in ones life. Not necessarily broken or super bad, just not under ones total or satisfactory control if you will.

For me my kids, huge career and even my wife took away any and all control I had over my life which became an endless parade of sacrifices. Would I trade any of them? *No way* but AL took the edge off the loss of control and my drinking ended up getting out of my control. I am now taking it all back, piece by piece and one day at a time.

I think you will find many here find success in doing just the opposite by focusing on yourself and your ability to control *your* choices and actions in your life. This will give you more strength and confidence to face your triggers and better navigate the bumpy roads of AL addiction.

Stay strong and enjoy all these new guys in your life. Hugs and best wishes.

[kiagmin]

Umm Hello?

Wow thank you! I am usually never at a lost for words. Sometimes you have to step back and look through someone elses eyes. Thank you for the support I really needed it tonight.

[kiagmin]

Umm Hello?

A personal thank you! I am still very scared. I actually got my mind off of things tonight. Your words of wisdom have inspired me and I will do my best. Were you AF when you started this site or did it take you a while? I am doing my best...

[4theboyz]

Umm Hello?

For me, it took years to get scared enough to finally do it. I 'stumbled' upon MWO my first day of going AF, in fact within hours of waking up very hungover on Feb 18th this year and vowing to make a change. This place has helped enormously since I am too vain or plain stubborn to go to AA. Going AF is not easy, and IMO moderating is even harder, I tried after 45 days AF and in days I was back to my old tricks. I am back on day 8 and really motivated to make some serious changes and further my understanding of my triggers to better able my own "control" over them. I do have my work cut out for me, many many years of drinking to undo. I've found it helpful to write it all down and have done so over in my story thread as it helps me lighten the load I seem to have piled upon myself.

I hope you have a good AF night.

[Wooflet]

Umm Hello?

I came here and lurked for a couple of weeks, then ordered the CDs and supplements, then posted for a week or so while I was waiting for everything to arrive, then finally went AF. I was ready to quit but wanted to make sure I had all the tools lined up to maximise my chances of success. Others would say just go for it straight away, I think it's an individual thing.

As BH said, the key for me was planning. I had to have alternative things to do at wine o'clock. At first I spent the majority of my evenings on here reading, posting, playing computer games. Anything to avoid the usual triggers - cooking, watching tv etc. I also enlisted the support of some close friends who helped to distract me in that first week or so. Now three weeks into it I am reintroducing cooking etc as the association with alcohol begins to fade.

The other big thing for me was to just decide that drinking isn't an option for me for 30 days. Sounds silly/simple, but taking the choice out of the matter has really helped me. I don't have that will I/won't I drink, can I/can't I do this - it just hasn't been an option for me. And then I'll re-evaluate the situation at the end of 30 days and take it from there.

Wishing you much strength

Wooflet x

[Muddle]

Umm Hello?

To anwer the question about whether I was AF when I joined-- I had a horrible, humiliating, out of control Saturday night and woke up disgusted with myself on a Sunday morning. The last time, I had promised myself to get help if it ever happened again, so I started looking on-line at AA meetings. I really didn't want to do AA. I started browing the net for alternatives and came across this site. When I joined, there were two glasses of wine left in the bottle, so I went ahead and drank them, the went AF on Monday. Today is Day 8, and I don't think I would have stuck it out without the wonderful people, support, and ideas on this site.

[Miss Behaving]

Umm Hello?

Hi Kiagmin,

I've been hanging around this site for about a week and a half and I am still not AF ...... although in an act of bravado and folly last week I declared I would be!!! I've been battling this for more than 10 years so why I thought a couple of emails would be the silver bullet I have no idea! But this site has really helped me to have several AF days in a row which is more than I've done for many a year (except when it has been forced upon me!)

I agree with Wooflet that planning is the key. I've been "practicing" - coming on this site when I feel like a drink, observing my reactions to stressors and triggers, and reading some of the insights that comes from the posts from those who have had long periods of success at abstinence or moderation. Because I'm practicing (or as I tell myself as an analogy that works for me, I'm in training!) I try to give it all I've got for now, but I'm not ready for my PB (personal best) just yet. But I have a plan for this week, and I'm raising the bar next week, and then I am going to make the best attempt that I can to be totally AF for June. I dont know about after that, but I'm not even going to think about that for now.

Give yourself a chance if you need it, or go for gold - you are the only person that can decide where you are at. But this site is the best thing that has happened to me for a long time :-)

[rene]

Umm Hello?

Wow, most of you don't no about alcoholism....I don't either jajajaj. I just know it destroys lives and families. The only thing I can recommend is get to an AA meeting get a big book and don't take that first drink. This is not for people that need it...its for people that want it.

[Janice]

Umm Hello?

Welcome to MWO Kiagmin and, if you decide to make some changes.......to a better life!! I joined MWO last year and immediately did 42 AF days before deciding to moderate.....I won't go into my reasons why but moderation did not work for me. In February I decided enough was enough, I was sick to death of feeling like I was, I was wasting my precious life. I am now 83 days as a non-drinker and whilst emotionally it hasn't been easy, physically I know, I am in much better health.

You have to REALLY want this though, you have to commit, to take full responsibility. You have to make some changes to your lifestyle. You become a different person. Read as much as you can here, self-help books, anything you can on alcoholism - I found that really motivated me in the early days. The thought of life without alcohol is I agree quite scary at the beginning but as someone earlier said, thats just the control the alcohol has over you. Life with alcohol and life without are two completely different worlds.......and I know which one I prefer to live. It really is worth it.

Wishing you lots of luck on your journey,

Janicexxx

[boozehag]

Umm Hello?

Rene
Your definition of an alcoholic is of no interest to us. We on this site are all working hard and trying to make sure families and ourselves are not destroyed by alcohol. We all need it and we all want it.
If you dont have anything positive to say then dont say anything at all. AND to put your comment into a thread where someone is here for the first time looking for help is beyond contempt.
BH

[hulagirl]

Umm Hello?

Welcome Kia. You're right that this one step is a good thing you are doing. Very good. And, no, you don't have too many issues for this forum. Just hang around awhile and you'll feel right at home. Come often. Say what you need to say. We are here 24/7.

p.s.
Rene, I feel fairly confident that every one here has an extremely intimate and broad knowledge base on what alcoholism is based on experience and education.

[caseaday]

Umm Hello?

Hi Kia,

Welcome to this great community of people! I really can't add to any of the advice already given because it is really dead on! As you can see, there are a lot of great people and if you need anything at anytime there is always someone here to help you out.

You just need to get really stubborn with AL and kick him out of your life. It sounds like you have a lot of work to do in bringing your family together as one solid unit and AL really has no business interfering with that!