Hi everyone, I am new here

[nowandzen11]

Hi,

I didn't know this forum exsisted. I received an e mail with a link and I am so glad to be here.

I am trying to stop drinking completely. I hate the way I feel physically and emotionally for days after drinking. I have suffered a lot of trauma in my life and don't want to use drinking as an escape anymore. I have improved a lot but I know in my heart and soul that I will never be where I want to be in life if I don't stop completely. It is counterproductive to everything I stand for. I need help but don't know where to go or what to do. I hope that being active on this forum will help me achieve my goal.

I started taking kudzu years ago but have never taken it on a regular basis. I started again yesterday and have also started a journal of everything I do and put in my body.

I am a Hurricane Katrina survivor. I have gained 45 pounds or more since the storm. I relocated to CA. where I feel so much happier. I am a tennis player and have started playing on a regular basis. That helps me a lot. I am also aware of my eating habits and have started practicing meditation and yoga. I do great and then I screw up. I get so angry with myself. I forgive myself and start over but it is a pattern I need to break.

I am in therapy and it is helping me work thru my trauma.

I just wanted to say hi and I hope that we can support each other in our common goal. I just feel kind of lost and don't know where to begin.

Thanks for listening
N&Z

[tlrgs]

Hi everyone, I am new here

hi there welcome ..this is great site for support and learning your best way out for you.. keep on reading and post any or all of your questions and you will you are not alone .we are here for you peace and god bless

[nowandzen11]

Hi everyone, I am new here

Thank you tlgrs

I am crying like a fool right now. I feel alone with this problem and I also feel embarrassed but my will to quit is stronger than being ashamed.

Thank you for your reply. I needed that. I am sure I will be spending a lot of time here.

[tlrgs]

Hi everyone, I am new here

also checkout chat. there is usally alot of people here on friday night .really almost every night so please go and hang out

[caysea]

Hi everyone, I am new here

Hello fellow tennis player
I am at the begining of the fight also 7 days af. I play tennis 4-5 times a week .I am really using it as a big part of my motivation to stop drinkingif you need to talk tennis or anything don't hesitate. Being at the start of my af i cant give advice but can tell you what I am going through I do find with the tennis you are usually around other paople who live a healthy lifestyle which is a big help
We need to put a much bigger effort into this then we ever did with tennis
Stay Healthy
KC

[evie]

Hi everyone, I am new here

Nowandzen11:welcome:
Can't imagine how terrible it was to be in that hurricane and you are managing to cope just as best as you know....
Just want to say hi and to let you know you are not alone and that there are many many caring people here.
Evie:h

[jajoly]

Hi everyone, I am new here

Hello N&Z :welcome:

You sound like you have already put a lot of positive steps in place ... I think you sound amazing, personally. :l Keep tackling those demons and don't beat yourself up with anger and guilt if you have a blip.

It is a journey and once we realise the triggers of our addiction and the pattern we have fallen into it will be easier to tackle.

Post traumatic life has a very different flavour and colour to the life we led before. Well done you for picking up the pieces and moving forwards.

J x

[nowandzen11]

Hi everyone, I am new here

Tired

Ya ever get so tired of fighting sadness, anger, cravings to drink and desires to hide?
That's how I feel today. I don't know what is triggering this but it is a hell of a day. I know crying cleanses. I just get tired of working so hard to do better.

I do give myself breaks more now than I ever did but I just want this to go away. My 2 cats are what keep me going. I have so much love for them, I continue to push instead of giving up.

I don't want to get physically ill because of alcohol. I am afraid that if I continue to drink, it is the next step. I don't drink everyday but when I do drink, it is as if I am on a mission. Like my body takes over and can't get enough. Is that binging? I just want to drink. That is all I know at that moment. I am learing to live in the moment and positive living is wonderful in the moment. Drinking in the moment sucks. Sometimes.

I have been on this forum most of the day and it is wonderful. I thank you once again for your kind posts.

caysea, I would love to talk tennis. anytime. PM me anytime you would like. I used to be a 4.5 player and won the New Orleans Open in the 80's. Now I am overweight and out of shape.

evie, katrina was terrible. Life after was terrible. I was born in New Orleans and lived there my whole life. I evacuated to Dallas the morning of the storm. I brought my laptop, my 2 cats and some t shirts and shorts. Figured I'd drink and eat with my family for a few days. The levees broke. My whole life changed in 1 second. My best friend ended up at my family's house b/c he had to evacuate from where he evacuated to b/c another hurricane was on it's way. We got an apt and started trying to find out if we had homes. He didn't. I found out my house didn't flood but the roof came off so all of the damage came from the ceilings caving in and the rain. I had a business for 10 years there. It had 10 feet of water in it. What was salvagable remained, then I found out that a gang kicked in the front door and stole what was left. My friend kept saying he didn't feel well. He went to the doc and was diagnosed with lymphoma. He died in May of 2006. We lived in Dallas for 5 months after the storm. I went back to N.O. and he went to AL to live with his daughter. He was so sick by this time that she had to drive to Dallas and drive him back to AL. I swore after I was back in N.O. that there was no way I was going to live there again. I had rape and death threats from contractors/workers in my neighborhood. I walked around my house with a 38 strapped to my side. A client flew me to Sonoma to visit b/c I had to get out. I came here and knew this is where I needed to be. I moved to Santa Rosa in Sept. 2006. My cats were my carry on luggage.

ja- yes I am taking many positive steps but I fall. I fall a lot. Thank you for the encouragement. It helps. I know a lot of my drinking is to deal with this crap but that is no excuse. It feels better to run away sometimes. I can still relate to the song "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd.

I am sorry for the marathon post. I am just not having a good day and it feels good to be able to vent it here. I hope this wasn't too much for you.

[jajoly]

Hi everyone, I am new here

n&z Vent away, although it really didn't come across as a vent, not from my perspective anyhow. And no it wasn't long!

I totally understand the concept of drinking to "run away" from the crap for a while.:l as do we all I'm sure.

I am no where near being the wholesome and the pure me yet, I only joined last week... and will begin my own journey soon.

I think we need to remember that ultimately we are all human and so will make mistakes. I think the beauty of this site is that it embraces everyone at whatever stage of tackling their problem they are at. There is no need for falsehood and deceit. Why would there be?

It is Ok to be you ...

I feel safe here.

J x

[Angelcakes]

Hi everyone, I am new here

Hi N&Z, it's good to vent, sometimes I come here & it's just babble but it's good to get it out & everyone is so kind here. And remember you're among friends here, we all understand what it's like to lose control over the drinking beast...we all know that's not a weakness in you - we know because we are all the same. This is one place where people understand that sometimes you do things you don't even really want to do, we've all been there. I;m new here and only just beginning to learn NOT to drink, after more than 1/2 my life learning to drink, and becoming exceptionally good at it. The people here are my teachers & allies, I'm glad you joined.

[Angelcakes]

Hi everyone, I am new here

It is Ok to be you ...

I feel safe here.


J, that's lovely. Thanks for the happy thoughts!!

[Janice]

Hi everyone, I am new here

Welcome to MWO.........sending you a big hug!!!

love Janicexxx

[caseaday]

Hi everyone, I am new here

Nowandzen...

It is evident that you have been through a lot over the past few years after Katrina upset your entire world. It is very hard to even imagine all of the trauma that you have had to survive. Many of us on this site have had very bad and unfortunate things happen to us. What we really don't realize is that when we come out the backside we are much more impacted than what we thought. It is like we move from a reactionary survival mode to a mode of recovery. The problem is that there is no instruction book that walks you from survival to recovery to happiness so we do the best we can and make it up along the way. Sometimes our buddy AL helps us along and becomes our friend even though we know that he is a trouble maker.

I think you should be very proud of yourself for all that you have survived and accomplished. You should also be very pleased that you have identified AL as a problem and are taking steps to get better.

I am no expert, but I think you are going to be just fine. If you can fight off a hurricane you can definately beat AL!

Have a great weekend...enjoy the sun.