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    #1

    Resisting Old Patterns

    I woke up feeling sad and lonely on this dreary day. If it was a month ago, or even a few weeks ago, I would have opened up a bottle of champagne (it's 6:30 am here) and sipped my way through the bottle this morning. I think there is even a bottle in the pantry as we speak. My normal pattern is drinking wine at night, but every couple of months, I used to like to open a bottle of champage in the morning, just for a glass (ha, yeah, right). But I have only two days more of AF to meet my initial 14 day goal, and I don't want to go back to Day 1. Having the support of the people on this site is the only reason I'm not going downstairs to retrieve that bottle. I think I better get out of the house today and force myself to do something.

    The Kudzu arrived in the mail this week. I haven't taken any yet, but perhaps I should today--I don't have physical cravings, but the emotional craving is very strong right now. Since I was in my ealy 20s, I used AL to cope with my chronic depession and feelings of loneliness and inadequacy.

    On a positive note, I sent someone an e-mail last night and said something really stupid. I told myself, at least I was being stupid just being me--not because I had drunk a bottle of wine and e-mailed stupid things.

    God, I want that champage so bad. Won't do it, won't do it, won't do it . . .
    Tags: None
    #2
    Resisting Old Patterns

    Hey Maisie,

    Keep strong - 14 days will be a huge achievement! nearly 3pm here and off to the park with kids. I hope i can be strong tonight

    J x
    sigpic

    Comment

      #3
      Resisting Old Patterns

      Maisie,

      I would suggest that you take the Kudzo right away as it will help with the cravings. Also, go to the store and get some L-glut as it will also help.

      If you are depressed I would suggest getting some Sam-E. I was really down on Monday of this week and within about 4 hours it had kicked in and the depression went away. I have been taking 200mg twice a day every since and have not been depressed at all.

      Hope this helps! Stay strong!

      Comment

        #4
        Resisting Old Patterns

        Thank you, caseaday. I have SAM-e in the house, but haven't taken it yet this morning. I'll run downstairs right now and take that and the Kudzu. Thanks for the support! I need you all today. I just read Noelle's message of the day and am going to try to look at the day though a "lens of grattitude." Not easy, but I'm really going to try. I'm grateful for my two sweet cats that follow me everywhere. They are sleeping on the bed with me right now. I am grateful for my beautiful dog who is really my friend and loves me no matter what. I am grateful that I have a good job and don't have to worry about money. I am grateful for having found this site 13 days ago. Maybe I'll get out a pad of paper and try to keep going to distract me from the feelings I woke up with. Does anyone else just wake up sad sometimes without a real reason?

        Comment

          #5
          Resisting Old Patterns

          Yep - I use to wake up sad some mornings and didn't know why really. On those mornings, I would have a drink too. Feeling lonely, etc. AL kept me company and gave me the 'illusion' that everything was just dandy.

          The first few weeks our bodies are adjusting to new behaviours both physically and emotionally. Try to keep yourself busy.

          Do you like to walk in the rain? I love to walk in the rain. Maybe go out for a brisk walk? It will make you feel refreshed and make you feel better.

          Hang in there. You can do this!!! I know you can. Also, it might help if you didn't have any alcohol in your home. I know when I did, it would shout out my name until I finally caved in. I absolutely cannot have any in my home. :l

          Comment

            #6
            Resisting Old Patterns

            I am so grateful I got past the craving of this morning. I've been corresponding with someone by e-mail and hadn't met or talked to him yet. This morning he called totally unexpectedly and we talked for about 2 hours and had a lot of fun. We are going to meet tomorrow. If I had been drunk and said a bunch of dumb things, I would have ruined an opportunity for a friendship. Only good things come of not drinking--there are no negatives.

            Comment

              #7
              Resisting Old Patterns

              Maisie .......... well done ..........

              I can totally relate to waking up and wanting to drink ...... My hubby totally doesn't understand that feeling, I find it stonger that the night time cravings ......

              Like AFM I cant have it in the house or I would have caved .........

              :goodjob: ............... BB xx
              sigpicXXX

              Comment

                #8
                Resisting Old Patterns

                I'm with Betty, the morning cravings were always the worst for me... Back then I would start out at 6 or 7am, when ever I was up for the day; and it would be with beer or champagne. It's a hard cycle to break. I never ever did get any physical cravings or withdrawl symptoms, but it was the emotional ones. Be strong, you are doing so wonderfully! 14 days is a very very big accomplishment..

                Comment

                  #9
                  Resisting Old Patterns

                  Gia I remember you one morning posting here at 7am when you had caved ......... you have come so far since then .........:l

                  BB xx
                  sigpicXXX

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Resisting Old Patterns

                    betty boop;332053 wrote: Gia I remember you one morning posting here at 7am when you had caved ......... you have come so far since then .........:l

                    BB xx
                    So do I... You were always a big support to me Betty, I really want to thank you for that. :l As well as everyone else; you're all wonderful in my eyes. I'm not going to hijack the thread though by saying too much.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Resisting Old Patterns

                      Maisie Dear

                      Really none of my business, except that here on this site we are all each other's business -- yes we are our brother's/sister's keepers.. Anyway, you are sad and I am so sorry. I was a sad child, sad teenager, sad twenty something. Finally, one day I went to a good doctor who asked me about how I felt. Surprisingly, I told him how sad and anxiety ridden I was. That was surprising considering that I always attributed all this sadness, etc to the fact that I just had a crappy attitude and if I ever got my act together I would be OK. Well, he put me on Prozac and the past ten years are so much better -- still have bad days but not bad months or bad years.

                      I think it is hereditary. My Dad who was really a wonderful man was so quite and introspective so often -- except when he was up and then he was very up.

                      So anyway maybe this is worth something to you or others. I can only say that sadness is not the norm and is not the result of a "crappy attitude" it might, just might be medical in some situations such as in mine. :l:l
                      Matt

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Resisting Old Patterns

                        I hear ya Matthen. I know now that alot of my problems were from depression and anxiety. The AL was just something I started to use at a young age to help me cope (yeah right!) with those feelings....Well we all know how well that works...lol

                        I now allow myself to be sad at those moments and to work through those feelings....Cycling has been a great escape for me as well.... Endorphins .....Gotta Like It!!!! If it is anxiety ..it ususally means I am in a setting that makes me very uncomfortable for various reasons.... I now remind myself that I have the power and the right to leave an environment if I find myself feeling uncomfortable. After discussing some of this with my sister we realised that most of my family has been suffering with depression for some time. Go figure!!!!

                        Thanx for sharing that info matthen... We seem to always think that everyone else is doing great and that we are the only the screwed up ones....Not so true....Life is a struggle for many....

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Resisting Old Patterns

                          Hi Maisie,

                          Just thought I would check in and see how you are doing today. Are you feeling less down and more positive about everything? Hopefully the sun is shining where you are and everything is going much better for you!!!!!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Resisting Old Patterns

                            I'm brand new to this today but it sounds like you've done amazingly! There's winw in my fridge now and I'm struggling not to go and get it, but I won't and hopefully neither will you!

                            keep going x

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Resisting Old Patterns

                              Maise,
                              You are an amazing person! I am so proud of your strength and will use you as my inspiration as I embark on day 1 on Tuesday. You are my hero!

                              Bridge
                              This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers
                              ? Bridget Jones

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