I came to this site about a month ago and I was a total wreck, day and night, beating myself up and having anxiety atacks about every aspect of my life
I can honestly say that I would never have imagined not going a night without downing a half bottle of bacardi
Well I have had occasional hiccups so to speak, but on the advice of my doctor have cut down gradually to less than a quarter bottle at the moment
Switched to vodka some nights too, have been trying to do anything to get out of my 'routine'
Now I seem to be at a stage where I cant sleep, but dont want to drink to knock myself out, I am not buzzing like I used to and feel quite calm, but still cant settle down
My husband is getting even more impatient now, as before I used to stay up drinking now he thinks I stay up for the hell of it, but I think my sleep pattern is knocked all about and this is what I am used to
(At least I am not tempted to call people in the middle of the night!)
My body clock has never been the same as anyone else I know I think maybe the only peace and quiet time I get to be me is when everyone else has gone to bed
But I need to go to bed at normal hours like normal people perhaps its just the rebel in me cos I never wanted to be the same I have allways felt different, but coming onto this site I dont feel like an outcast anymore
Has anyone read the sacred diaries of adrian plass? well i am not a practising christian, but one thing he wrote really struck me and that was 'everyone is I'
And how many times have I bent over backwards to help that selfish person who beleived that, but I have to fight my own beast now
This is my battle, no one elses, no one has forced me to drink and no one but me will force me to quit, the triggers are are still here
They allways will be if I dont learn I will never grow up and be the person I was before al numbed my senses and my soul
More than anything I have found al numbs all senses and makes you put up with things that your usual ballsy self would flip at
It has turned me from a tigress into a quivering heap
At one time I couldnt even answer the phone, now I just prefer to be calm and this is my battle no one elses I wish other people wouldnt be so touchy about it because I am winning, and everyone seems to think im cutting them off to be selfish
End of rant!
I can honestly say that I would never have imagined not going a night without downing a half bottle of bacardi
Well I have had occasional hiccups so to speak, but on the advice of my doctor have cut down gradually to less than a quarter bottle at the moment
Switched to vodka some nights too, have been trying to do anything to get out of my 'routine'
Now I seem to be at a stage where I cant sleep, but dont want to drink to knock myself out, I am not buzzing like I used to and feel quite calm, but still cant settle down
My husband is getting even more impatient now, as before I used to stay up drinking now he thinks I stay up for the hell of it, but I think my sleep pattern is knocked all about and this is what I am used to
(At least I am not tempted to call people in the middle of the night!)
My body clock has never been the same as anyone else I know I think maybe the only peace and quiet time I get to be me is when everyone else has gone to bed
But I need to go to bed at normal hours like normal people perhaps its just the rebel in me cos I never wanted to be the same I have allways felt different, but coming onto this site I dont feel like an outcast anymore
Has anyone read the sacred diaries of adrian plass? well i am not a practising christian, but one thing he wrote really struck me and that was 'everyone is I'
And how many times have I bent over backwards to help that selfish person who beleived that, but I have to fight my own beast now
This is my battle, no one elses, no one has forced me to drink and no one but me will force me to quit, the triggers are are still here
They allways will be if I dont learn I will never grow up and be the person I was before al numbed my senses and my soul
More than anything I have found al numbs all senses and makes you put up with things that your usual ballsy self would flip at
It has turned me from a tigress into a quivering heap
At one time I couldnt even answer the phone, now I just prefer to be calm and this is my battle no one elses I wish other people wouldnt be so touchy about it because I am winning, and everyone seems to think im cutting them off to be selfish
End of rant!
Suz
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