Repeating old patterns

[CS04]

Hello everyone,
Well, here we are again - same old drinking on the weekend. Well, that's not exactly true -- I only had 2 beers Sat. night, and that felt pretty good! Sunday we got up early, went to a playground, did some things around the house...but had too much Sun. night, then Mon. at a cookout. I feel like many of you are offering great tips and advice, and I just cannot seem to break the cycle. I have AF days during the week. I feel like a hypocrite -- how can I say I am trying to stop drinking or cut down on drinking when I'm really not? Maybe I don't know what I want. I know I have made some small changes; prior to this month I had not had any AF days at all in several years. I have been doing some reading and trying to reflect, and not get too depressed and analytical. Sorry to ramble; I just feel pretty unfocused.

[cmhguy3]

Repeating old patterns

Holidays are hard! Dust yourself off and get back at it! Keep building on the AF weekdays! You can do it!

[FloridaBoy]

Repeating old patterns

:goodjob: on the weekdays.

I just feel pretty unfocused.

You just have to WANT to stop. Reading posts here really helped me and I just can't handle the hangovers anymore. Keep trying.

[Guest]

Repeating old patterns

Ok CS, would you like to moderate of go completely AF?Reason I ask is that I know that any AL for me will set of a craving for more - whether it be immediately or in a couple of days time. In rehab a psychotherapist explained what happens to the nervous system/brain when you cross the line into addiction/alcoholism. He went on to show why any AL can then cause the problem to progress and set of further cravings. Basically if you are alcoholic then any AL just makes everything worse.

It is therefore possible the 2 beers you had on Saturday then triggered the craving/binge/over consumption on Sun and Monday. I know when I was trying to stop last year that if I allowed myself a glass or two of wine on a Friday/Saturday night then I would surely be bingeing by Sunday.

My tip is to clear out all AL from the house and avoid any AL situations for 3-4 weeks. That gets you the sort of start I got from rehab. At that point you should have more confidence and not really be bothered about AL..........physically you will feel great and wonder why you put the poison in your body in the first place.

[caseaday]

Repeating old patterns

CS04

Ukblonde gave you some really good advice that you should consider. It is amazing how a couple of drinks one night can lead to intense cravings the next couple of days. I learned the hard way how 4 beers on a Friday night led to a seven day binge that was completely horrible. I didn't even enjoy the beer but I kept pounding them down until I finally had enough. For some Moderation works, but for others the first couple of drinks kicks off a series of events in our mind and body that we are unable to control.

Good luck and don't beat yourself up. You are just learning what you can and can't do with AL...

[CS04]

Repeating old patterns

UKBlonde, I would like to moderate. I know everyone says to get all the AL out of the house, but hubby drinks too and I know he will balk. I haven't even brought it up w/him. What you are saying does make sense, though. I just wish I knew how my brain is really wired, and if there is a way for me to find out. I have a 1st-time appt. with a psych. this Fri. to address the depression. That's another thing I'm grappling with -- and drinking being both a symptom and a cause of that. I really am trying to do some things for myself, so I feel better, and hoping that some of the other stuff falls into place.

[FloridaBoy]

Repeating old patterns

CS04;333531 wrote: UKBlonde, I would like to moderate. I know everyone says to get all the AL out of the house, but hubby drinks too and I know he will balk. I haven't even brought it up w/him. What you are saying does make sense, though. I just wish I knew how my brain is really wired, and if there is a way for me to find out. I have a 1st-time appt. with a psych. this Fri. to address the depression. That's another thing I'm grappling with -- and drinking being both a symptom and a cause of that. I really am trying to do some things for myself, so I feel better, and hoping that some of the other stuff falls into place.

I agree with Case and UK Blondie. I thought I could moderate....but I have never been able to KNOW when I had enough to drink. I really gave this some thought and now I firmly believe that my brain is just wired that way. Maybe you can moderate but you have to be brutally honest with yourself. I used to go all week AF, but it was a struggle, and then stay hammered all weekend. I now accept the fact that I cannot moderate and that made going AF easier. I feel a helluva lot better. Keep trying. Maybe you can have a heart to heart talk with hubby?

to address the depression. That's another thing I'm grappling with -- and drinking being both a symptom and a cause of that.

I felt like that too. It was a cycle fueled by AL. sam-E really helped me. Taking it and staying AF has me feeling like life has a real purpose.

I am not on a :soapbox2: and I feel your pain.

[CS04]

Repeating old patterns

I had one beer last night but that was it. The minute I poured it I didn't want it. Hubby and I did talk later last evening, but not about getting AL out of the house. He sees my situation as basically a major depression which will be alleviated by ADs. I see it as far more complicated. I feel like I should do a 30 but scared. Maybe if I just announce to hubby that that is my plan, it will be off my chest and the question of "do I drink or not drink tonight" will not be out there.

On top of all this, my stepdad passed away this morning (he has been ill for some time now, so we knew this was coming) so it will be time for me to get out of my own head and be strong and attentive for family over the next several days.

[caysea]

Repeating old patterns

Hi cs04 You are going to have to look at the mod and af from the experinces you have had with A in the past . now that you are really trying to do something about your drinking time will tell you if you can mod .I CAN'T I bet most of us who are af tried to mod only to find out we can't.I would love to but it is impossible for me thats just me. I have been struggling with stopping for over 2 years and have realized I was BS myself about the control I thought I had.I am now 12 days AF and am focused on the constant battle i know I will always have.With the help from this site and the realization I have to give 100% all the time i will win if I tried to mod and have only one or two it would be the beging of the end for me

Stay Healthy

[Evie.Lou]

Repeating old patterns

One is toooo many for me.I feel so much better AL free

[headless1]

Repeating old patterns

Good thread..

useful posts. I know why my drinkin' has brought me here. I have always believed that I was able to control it. I was-- for many years. That has changed because I now believe that I was deceiving myself. Deceiving myself (from the dictionary--deceive, take in, cheat, mislead, con, fool, trick, dupe, hoodwink, pull the wool over somebody's eyes). I wouldn't do any of the above to a friend or foe. Why have I done such a terrible thing to myself by tricking myself. It seems so against the laws of nature. So I believe the reason to stay completely away is the deceptive and seductive nature of A. It leads you to believe you are in control when the reality of it is that A actually takes away the control, the more you drink the less you have. Time for me to stop deceiving myself. I just need to understand why I would lie to myself, something I would definitely not do to a friend.
If I get through today it will be day 1.
regards to all, H

[Margaritaville]

Repeating old patterns

CS04;334323 wrote: I had one beer last night but that was it. The minute I poured it I didn't want it. Hubby and I did talk later last evening, but not about getting AL out of the house. He sees my situation as basically a major depression which will be alleviated by ADs. I see it as far more complicated. I feel like I should do a 30 but scared. Maybe if I just announce to hubby that that is my plan, it will be off my chest and the question of "do I drink or not drink tonight" will not be out there.

On top of all this, my stepdad passed away this morning (he has been ill for some time now, so we knew this was coming) so it will be time for me to get out of my own head and be strong and attentive for family over the next several days.

Hey Cs, I feel your pain here. My husband does NOT want me to stop because he'll lose his drinking buddy. I went to a therapist today to discuss options and what I've found on this site.. she says it'll be hard with a drinker in the house. Also, when I got home, hubby blasted me for going to seek help. Screw him. Loser. To be honest, I wouldn't even know him if I was sober as I am quickly finding out. It's going to be a hard road but I'm doing this for me and I'm doing it for my son. So screw him! :sigh::sigh:

[CS04]

Repeating old patterns

Margaritaville --I'm sorry your hubby is so selfish. Maybe he will come around in time. How old is your son? How are you doing on the drinking? What did your therapist suggest? I was AF last night and plan to be tonight.

Headless -- looks like you've been around a long time, like me. It takes a while sometimes, doesn't it. I hope this is finally IT (for me anyway). I hope you got thru yesterday but if not, there is always today.

This is going to be a rough weekend -- family funeral. I need to be strong for my mom.

[evie]

Repeating old patterns

Hi CS04,
I can really sympathise as I feel I'm at the same point as you regarding the old drink. I too have cut down this past month prob to halve my intake and had about 11 or 12 AF days (not consecutive either) but can't seem to string them together. Strangly I'm better at the weekend cos I'm not so tired from looking after the kids but weekdays (esp on school holidays like now) I really use the al at the end of the day to unwind. Before this month I was drinking prob a bottle of wine a night with the occasional night without.
I feel I'm at a turning point as I know truthfully I don't just want 1 drink and so this does put a big question mark on the whole moderation issue. Yeah maybe I don't drink and drink to the point of blackout but I know I'm on a very slippery slope.
I'd really love to think I could do 3 or 4 weeks without... that would be amazing and I think then I would just never bother touching a drop again. Just don't know how... 1 day seems such a long time with loads of stress involved. After 1 or 2 days I feel like a balloon about to burst and just can't stand it anymore.
Sorry I don't want to take away from your thread, you just touched a chord in me. I'm very sorry about your stepdad, and hope you can get through the funeral and be there for your mum.
Will your other half be so gutted if you go T total? Have you run it by him? Especially if you explain the extent of your issue and what a temptation it is when al is in the house.
Thinking of you esp this weekend.:h
lol eviexx

[chiman]

Repeating old patterns

I see this is an older thread, but I wanted to say two things:
1. don't feel hypocritical. I read advice from others here that is VERY helpful and helps me, then see the same people fall down and have to start over. That's OK. ANd I give it, like I am now, and I have fallen and will fall again. BUT, we all are way better off than before we found this place, and we all know what we NEED to do, we just need to keep telling ourselves by telling others.
2. Yes, tell your husband. I think you know why and I read in your posts that you've given yourself some great advise there. If he is not willing to help you you need to do it yourself with or without him.

And just to show you what I mean in point one, great advise form a guy who is starting another day one today. But, I had no Day ones for a long time just three months ago. It is a process, just keep getting back on the horse and tell your husband to get off his.