Morning downunder - Wednesday 27

[Miss Behaving]

Morena!

Decided at 6am that I was going to leave this for after the gym ..... too many thoughts going round in my head!

So now I've been there and done my thing for the morning - the second-to-last session of of a 6 week programme that I've been doing with 7 other women, designed to do a whole exercise/nutrition thing. It was my intent at the beginning to do the whole six weeks without any wine .... struggled for the first week, gave up trying entirely for the next two weeks and did my workouts hung over (that is SOOOO not a good idea :H) ..... then found this site. The last two weeks have been a bit on again off again, but this morning after 2 days AF I finally got to remember again how great it feels to do a really good workout feeling strong and healthy at the end of it. I wish I had done myself the service of doing the whole thing as I intended ..... but for now I'm feeling grateful that at least I finished off as I meant to have started! :jumpin:

And it helped that I slept much better - not "sleep through the night" better, but at least being awake only for short periods of time. (and not waking up hung over!)

I had a very sobering (no pun intended) day yesterday which left me feeling emotionally drained. My entire family (with the exception of one brother) struggle with addictions of various kinds, and I've really noticed as we have got older how the chickens come home to roost in middle age. I've already had one sister die from the effects of chronic drinking, a brother who drinking was at such an extreme that he was in residential rehab for a year, and another brother who had a heart attack last year as a result of smoking and is still struggling with giving them up (but he doesn't drink!!).

My brother who was in rehab has been sober for about six years, but last year (after having been diagnosed with cancer) it became very apparent that he was drinking again, and I got some bad news about him yesterday. I wont dwell on his stuff, because that is his business, but I just spent the day feeling incredibly sad that our family is killing itself off.

I spent quit a bit of time in the chat room yesterday (thank god I work for myself and didn't need to feel guilty!!) as I just needed to just hang out for a bit - thanks to those who were there ... it was great to have your support.

And thanks also to DG's thread on the good things about a sober life - it kept me thinking forward.. And actually one of the things that I was thinking was that it was really good to feel sad and tearful and emotional and know that it was because it was appropriate to feel sad and tearful and emotional ...... as opposed to drunken and maudlin!

But the really awful thing was that it still didn't lessen the feeling of wanting a glass of wine when I got home!!! :duh:

However, I've reached day 3! Have had lots of good advice from people about getting past my day 4-5 "hump" and I figure that I've put it out there so much that I'm going to get over it this time that I'll be too embarrassed to slip up now! So i have big plans for the weekend and none of them involve alcohol!!

I'm hanging out here a lot at the moment and it is helping a lot. I have a 5:30 meeting today and I know there will be wine at it, but I dont think I'll find it too hard as long as I have something to eat first. A quiet day planned other than that .... a bit of work to catch up on from yesterday though!!

Have a good day/evening everyone!!

[KAT20]

Morning downunder - Wednesday 27

Aunty Mame, I have a brother, two stepsisters, Two half sisters and one half brother. Anyways alot of us have addiction problems. My parents are'nt alcoholics or smokers. My stepsisters mother and grandmother are alcoholics and smokers. I attribute alot to growing up like we did the children of divorce, mixed marriages and not alot of compassion and support. In fact alot of psycho stuff. I have tried at least 10 times over the past year to cut back or stop. This is the first time in I can't remeber when I've gone more that two days without alcohol. I am on day 22. My one sister is on her 4th DUI and I hope what ever happens this time she stops before she kills herself or someone else. My brother is just finishing a program in New Jersey for narcotics. I know what you mean about worrying about everyone potentially killing themselves. I decided to get myself heathly first and let them know in hopes they will follow my lead. My therapist said I cannot own their problems as that was one of my triggers to drink. Best to you and your family, never give up.

[Miss Behaving]

Morning downunder - Wednesday 27

KAT20;333639 wrote: I decided to get myself heathly first and let them know in hopes they will follow my lead. My therapist said I cannot own their problems as that was one of my triggers to drink. Best to you and your family, never give up.

Thanks for your thoughts Kat ....

I agree - I know from my own experience with them and also with myself that you can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink.

The only horse whose liquid consumption I can have any control over is me!!! (That's probably stretching a metaphor too far - now I have weird images in my head!!)

[Angelcakes]

Morning downunder - Wednesday 27

Hey Mame, sounds tuff but I can relate. I agree with Kat20 in taht setting a good example & being the best you, is the best thing for them.
'If someone's down in the gutter reach down & pull them up...it doesn't help anyone to get down there with them'...

[Pamina]

Morning downunder - Wednesday 27

Day 16 AF

Hi Mame! Well done on day 3 :goodjob:
I agree about 'not owning' other people's problems. It is SO hard, though. My dad and sister are both ill, and I've been surrounded by their issues and emotional reactions for the past week. I try to find out what's going on for them (because worrying and speculating is worse) but also cultivate detachment when it gets to be too much. Abstaining has been so very useful during this time. Not just because it keeps me sober and sane but because planning to achieve it keeps my focus on me on a daily basis. It seems to ground me in me when I could easily become overly involved in them.
You have a lot on, and being emotional is indeed a 'normal' response. Going AF probably also affects your moods. Day 3 was very cranky for me, days 6 or 7 quite weepy. Stay the course, you can do this!

xx Pamina