Husband is angry about wanting to quit

[Margaritaville]

:thanks:

:new: I have been lurking the threads here all day, not sure how I found you folks but am thinking it is a Divine Gift of sorts. I married 5 1/2 years ago but we've been together for almost 9. I have a son who will be 13 soon. I was a business owner and am now in an executive position, functioning, but very unhappy because of my drinking. I have approached the subject of quitting, or at least cutting down but my husband will have none of it. Our habit grew slowly from drinking only on weekends, to drinking one night a week AND weekends and then to three nights a week AND weekends to now drinking very single night of the week. I do not drink to the point of being a blithering idiot, but I know that we are setting a terrible example for my son and I need to quit. Now.

He's very against the fact that I will see a therapist tomorrow to discuss why I allowed myself to sink to this level of habit and dependence, and even more upset that I have an MD appt set for Friday to talk about Topomax, Campral or Naltrexone whatever will work is good with me.

Why would a partner who 'loves' you want to keep you down in a hole filled with despair when the only time you are able to interact with that person is when you're buzzed?

Thank you all for your stories and comments; most helpful. I am so alone and so afraid I will lose my marriage if I take this step. What is G-Lut?

Thanks for any comments or similar situations so that I won't feel so isolated and alone anymore.

[Cinders]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

Margaritaville,

:welcome:

L-Glut is a supplement that helps reduce cravings for sugar and by dint of that cravings for alcohol (which is a sugar.)

As for your marriage and the question. Many here can respond to that. My husband does not drink and therefore is quite happy when I am abstinent.

But, I do imagine if you have had a drinking buddy for many years, it is kind of scary to lose them. First because you are changing a pattern that he doesn't want to and second because he is afraid you will pressure him to follow suit.

Good luck!! You have taken some huge steps by making doctor appointments and doing this research. Good on you!!

Cindi

[Margaritaville]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

Can you please tell me where I can get this G-Lut and who sells it? I find that when I am craving beer or a drink that if I eat chocolate it takes it away. I have low blood sugar. If I can avoid any type of medications and stick with natural supplements I will do it. Thanks again for your kind words and advice.

[Cinders]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

Margaritaville,

You can get L-Glut from this website. You can get it at GNC and any health food store. It is a commonly used supplement.

If you are looking for a natural supplement to help, you might want to check out the Kudzu. Many here swear by it. I did not find it helped but I believe there are many different types of alcoholics and what works for one simply does not work for another.

If you want to buy the Kudzu, I do recommend you buy it from MWO. It is the correct strength and purity used in the study that showed it can reduce the amount of alcohol used.

Cindi

[KateH1]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

Margaritaville,

I concur with Cindi, perhaps your husband is afraid of change. Perhaps he is afraid that he too will have to stop drinking. Sometimes, it can also be a control issue. But, you have to do this for you. The one thing about problem drinking that is a certainty, it does not get better, it only progresses.

I used the L-Glutamine and the Kudzu when I stopped drinking. It worked very well for me. I also have low blood sugar so I make sure that I eat on a regular schedule. I have a tendancy to skip meals and that only contributed to the amount I drank. Chocolate is a great substitute!

Best wishes to you and your comittment to getting your life back!
Kate

[Miss Behaving]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

Margaritaville,

Good on you for sticking to your resolve in the face of opposition. I come from a family of excessive drinkers, and my nieces and nephews are now in their 20s and 30sb - many of them talk quite openly about how they did not feel emotionally safe when they were in their teens, because of the situations they grew up in.

About 10 years ago I was in a situation where I was trying to give up but where the guy I was dating at the time was my biggest drinking buddy ... I found that when I didn't drink he would get quite aggressive in his attitude towards me, and i the end it was easier just to go back to drinking with him.

I am now incredibly fortunate to be with someone who really cares about my well being and who is with me every step of the way. I'm still very much a newbie at this (day 3 - but I haven't yet the guts up to go to the Dr!!) but I know that he is as important as this site is in keeping me on track. I told him that I had no problem with him drinking (he is one of those lucky people who enjoys a glass or two of wine but is happy to stop there!) but he has decided to see the first seven days through with me because he wants to help as much he can.

No one can give you advice on your relationship though - every one has its own dynamics and strengths. But sometimes the dynamics have to change over time. I wish you all the best and will look forward to getting to hear from you some more!

mame

[caysea]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

I am maybe being very selfish but right now the # one problem and most serious one in my life is my drinking all of my other problems come in second and with that in mind I am doing for myself what I have to do regardless of anyone else.I can't tell anyone else what to do but no spouse relative or friend will get in the way of me changing my lifestyle. I do have support from all but have left some "friends"don't need to be tempted by people who don't have my well being in perspective.
If I don't commit myself to this 100% I will fail which I have in the past. A has been part of my life for over 40 years no more.

I just felt I had to write this.I have no answer for the situation you find yourself in . Only you will be able to deal with your relationship and what you have to do for your health. It is your health we are talking about!!

[caseaday]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

Well said caysea...Beating AL does require us to be internally focused and a little selfish. Anything that stands in our way must be ignored or eliminated. Sounds harsh but pleasing other people by drinking is counter productive!

[Kiri]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

Marg, You ask some very important questions of us in your first post which, I believe you would be best off asking of your husband. Ask him why he resists your getting help on your identified problem. I know in my case my husband had assumed a lot of transferred shame and guilt about my drinking problem. He didn't want me to be an alcoholic, or whatever and having me get help burst that bubble for him, removing his defenses as well as mine.
I got a divorce about a year ago after 29 years of marriage and am finally able to commit to abstinence and am at 35 days. I am taking just 25 of topamax plus 3 mg of melatonin at bedtime to sleep. Feel very well. Getting lots of exercise (riding bike to save on gas) and doing better than I have in years. The change has been very difficult, but I really think this is different this time. The tapes really helped for the first few weeks especially
Best of luck
Kiri

[Margaritaville]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

Thank you all for your kind words. I am very grateful to have found this site.

[Guest]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

Is he trying to hide his own drinking?

[cowgal]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

welcome

First off, WELCOME!!!:welcome:

And it is ironic, I just brought up this topic at an AA meeting last night after another totally non-productive counseling appt....................he has NOOOOOOOOOOO desire to quit, he IS losing his only real drinking buddy of 18 years +.................my kids don't need this, they are old enough that they see this and it bothers them tremendously..................:upset:

Whatever your counselor tells you, stick with it, it is after all your health.............wishing you the best..........I have been dealing w/ the non-supportive husband drinking/undermining my sobriety for YEARS, not productively though, please don't go my route...........it is DEFINITELY not the right one!:no:

lots of love,:l:h:l

MA

[Germangirl1969]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

My husband and I enable each other. I have tried the doing-it-alone-route. On the other hand, he has stayed off of the drink with me at times. But eventually, one of us brings the drink back into the house and we start over. It is very hard to stay sober with an active drinker in the house! After binging since Friday, my husband and I agreed that we'll try to stay off together--again. I wish you the best. Stay strong!

[LVT25]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

I guess I am pretty lucky. My hubby is pretty supportive of me. He jokes about losing his drinking buddy and what a cheap date I am now. I think in a way it bothers him a little, especially that I confide in strangers here, but deep down he is proud of me and would like to quit also. I have a 13 and 10 year old, and they already can't wait until they are old enough to drink--I should have done this a long time ago. There are so many things I don't remember, and that really bothers me! But I try not to dwell on the past.

[angeleyes]

Husband is angry about wanting to quit

Hi Margaritaville,

I can relate to your position, except it was opposite for me. My husband and I have been drinking buddies for years, catching a buzz together as we discussed our day was a nightly ritual. But then one month ago he decided to give up the alcohol, and is one of the lucky ones who could do it on will power alone. I was not happy about this, because suddenly he was very aware of how much I was drinking, counting my drinks, commenting on it constantly, and I would get so pissed off and it caused a lot of fights. But it also brought a new awareness for me on how much I was drinking, and how it was affecting my home life.

If he had not stopped, I would not have stopped. I have only been sober for 2 days, but it's a start.

I think maybe your husband is afraid that if you make changes he will have to too, or risk losing you. Not many sober people are in happy relationships with a drinker. I don't know what the answer is, but looking after yourself is priority #1, whatever happens after that only time will tell.

Good luck to you - we are in this together!