Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

[Guest]

Hi all: I think I just need to rant honestly for a few minutes here. When I think about my life without alcohol, it scares me to realize how very deeply ingrained my habit is. Try as I might, I cannot think of a single thing that would relax me. Exercise works to an extent, but I've only got the energy to do that in the morning, if even then (rarely). In the evenings, after a long day of work -- drinking is the only reward that my brain deems acceptable. Otherwise, my life seems like complete drudgery. Ironically enough, I happened across the movie "When A Man Loves a Woman" on television last night (I've seen it before and highly recommend it). I was struck most by the scene when Meg Ryan is about to leave the treatment facility, and she's talking to the nurse who has helped her through. She's talking about how scared she is, she says "I don't know how to do anything without drinking" and she also talks about her marriage, and says "I don?t know who to be now. This person I am now, this is not the person that my husband married. I don?t know what will happen." Both of these statements hit me like a ton of bricks. That?s exactly how I feel. I don?t know how to live, or how to have relationships without drinking, because drinking makes me feel in control of my own emotions. Without that "security blanket" of alcohol, I?m frightened and agitated. So then the nurse said something that really struck me. She said "There just is no easy way to live. You just have to get up every day and do the work."

So is my problem the fact that I am just hedonistic? That I am always looking for pleasure and comfort when in fact I just need to focus on long term goals instead of immediate gratifications? I guess I am. I know I have insecurities that run so deep, and I know that deep down I feel worthless as a person, and that?s why I drink. But I don?t know how to address that! For instance last night, I was so tired when I got home and I had a surprise drop-in visit from some in-laws. It was horrible because I was so tired and so irritable and all I wanted was a warm bath and my pajamas, but I had to try to be entertaining and charming and gracious. It was painful and exhausting. And all I kept thinking was ? if only I had some beers or some wine, this situation would be so much easier. How do you all cope with these situations? Or do you even experience this?

I might be pregnant. I won?t know for another two weeks or so, but I am so tired of worrying about this. Because I do want a baby, I really do. But I don?t want to stop drinking for nine months. Isn?t that SICK?!? Of course I will stop drinking if I am pregnant, but I?m just saying that I am such a mess because I don't want to and because I am even thinking so much about this. Smoking ? now I do want to stop that. But drinking ? why am I so ambivalent about this? When I think of all the terrible things that have happened as a result of my drinking, and the more terrible things that will inevitably continue to happen ? why for goodness sake cannot I not just stop?!?

If you?ve read this far, thank you. I just need to get some of this off my chest. I have not ordered my book yet because I am waiting for payday on Monday.

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

Hi Sylvia,
Thank you for your honest and insightful post. I also wonder about the same things.. I think I will get that movie to watch.
You should go to the "Pregnant" discussion where you will find many other very supportive women in the same boat.
I've been trying to think about ways to reward myself that do not involve drinking. This is a very important issue for me as I have used drinking as my sole source of pleasure for quite a while. I have realised it is my way of "giving" to myself. I have noticed that over the years I lost interest in many of the things that I used to take pleasure in and the world seems to have telescoped down to the drinking. I think this is probably because the drinking leads to digestive troubles which leads to less energy & depression (made worse by bad things that happen in a drinker's life + shame + fear + hiding + isolation etc) which leaves us with very little left to enjoy. So this idea has given me hope because I know I can work on fixing up my health & digestion and cut down on drinking so things will start to improve and I will start to enjoy other things again. I'm still waiting for my supps but things have already improved heaps because of the wonderful information & support on this site, changes I've made in my diet have reduced my depression, I've started yoga classes so I can learn to how to BE in my body again.. and I can only say I have a lot of positivity and hope that I haven't had for years. Reading other peoples tales of desperation and then days & weeks later reading about their improvement and success is so inspiring. Thank you everyone on this site.
Maybe you can start by REMEMBERING all the things that used to give you pleasure before drinking took over. Even if you have to go back to when you were a child. If I close my eyes I remember smells of my childhood that made me tingle with pleasure, excitement, anticipation.
Love & Blessings to you All.
MFM
PS: Can everyone tune in to describe new pleasures you are discovering to replace drinking?

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

My husband got me an ipod for my birthday and I put all the songs that I like on it. Then every morning (most) and evening I walk my chocolate lab and listen to my ipod. It helps in the evening because it gives me something to do other than drink. I'm also on the computer a lot more (duh) which helps keep my hands busy. My problem is nighttime. If I have meetings to go to for my kids or carpooling, I'm good. Otherwise, it's on the couch with a glass (or 6) of wine.

The walking has really helped me and I am looking forward to warmer weather - I hope soon!!

Jane.

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

Walking and Spring!

I agree! My dog Lannie and I can't wait for spring! Walking here we come! Only 4 more weeks! I suppose we could really bundle up....not for me. It is warming up to the 20's so i suppose,... i should go out...okay i will. Talk me into it tomorrow when it will be 25, lol..
Happy sober Tuesday all, enjoy the olympics tonight, i will!
Tammie

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

Yes I' agree - walking definitely helps me to shift the blues.. I always feel better after a walk.
Sylvia, I was just reading a thread under 'General Discussion' called 'Fell down the Rabbit Hole" i think.. There is a bit more discussion there about the 'who am i without alchol' question.
MFM

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

Hi Sylvia,
Certainly, do not feel alone with this question as it was one that scared the daylights out of me, as well. I found one answer tonight, and it goes back to my numero uno reason for stopping or cutting way back (not sure yet) drinking. I went to the movie theatre with my kids. Have not done that for...can't remember last time, and I'm sure the last time I had a few drinks before and couldn't wait to get home and have a glass of wine. About half way through the movie, my 4 year old whispered "mom, this is the best day EVER".
I was going to type more, but I think, enough said.

Becca

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

So good to hear that Becca! I'm so happy you followed thru on your plan. Don't those moments make everything worth working for? Keep typing all you want...you're great! Gina

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

This one is a hard one for me. My husband died about 2-1/2 years ago (when the REALLY out of control drinking started) after a 20-year marriage. We had no children.
So it's just me, now, with a few birds as pets; no one to talk to. In the beginning, just after he died, I had my sister-in-law, my girlfriends and their husbands, everyone calling, taking me out, having me over, but after the first six months that started fading; sister-in-law got pregnant and so never wanted to go out, friends just started assuming I was getting over it, I just started spending more time by myself. Then I got a job offer to work for a company from home, just by computer/fax/phone etc. which I jumped at given the 50-mile one way commute I had at the time. Well, it got rid of the commute but I spent way too much time alone. So the story goes (sorry this is so long).

I guess what I'd like to get back are all the activities the drinking replaced. Weaving, reading, knitting, stained glass (ever tried to solder anything while you're crocked??), I just lapsed into this sorry sodden lump on the sofa staring at the same old same old on the TV.

This past week has been a little different, I've been spending a LOT of time on the computer (right here actually); don't even log out of this website. Not focused enough yet to pick up any of my old activities, but I think I'll get there. I need a little longer to let the head/liver clear, heal the body with the vitamins/supps/exercise and normal sleep cycles. And I really do think that for me, warmer weather and longer days will help immensely.

Sorry to write a book--so now this is what is replacing alcohol!!!
Hugs to all
Ter

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

Re: Will anything replace drinking?

Hey Sylvia?
I think you did just great! Your first and second choice was a warm bath and jammies. Perfectly natural when you're exhausted and just getting home from work - and possibly prego! Your blood sugar level is probably down to your feet and lo and behold - you have to entertain some unexpected in-laws. You could cry - but you can't so you grit your teeth and bear it. Now could be more reasonable than for the idea of a drink to pop into your mind. It sure does come into my mind every time I'm in a situation like that! But I think we do, at least sometimes, replace it with other things. There have been times I was a maniac for Chai tea at Barnes and Nobles (It's embarrassing to mention how much I spent one Christmas vacation going there every day); certain novels series; certain movies; etc.; maybe we should make a thread of what we do enjoy. Besides drinking. Because we all do do other things. We've all mentioned other things on these threads. Skiing, kayaking, books, etc. Knitting. Whatever. Anyhow, Sylvia, you were put in a predicament when you were exhausted and I think any one of us would have reacted by wanting a drink! Anyhow, I would have! By the way, congratulation if you are pregnant!

Adria

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

I have been thinking about this quite a bit as well. Perhaps it would be helpful to pick up a hobby that you have never tried before as your reward for the good decision that you have made. It seems that if you are doing something completely new, you have no way of creating an association with the drinking part of you life. This is the little plan that I've derived, hope it helps. Regardless of if you are pregnant or not, I second the yoga idea!

Regarding the question of not knowing who to be without drinking, I read a very interesting plan of action on another site called Bullets for My Beast. While I don't necessary agree with the self recovery aspect of the philosophy that is presented here, the discussion on the part of your brain that insists upon drinking vs. YOU is quite compelling. Here's the link www.rational.org/html_bullets/Bullet1.html (I really hope it's ok to post links to other sites that we find useful!)

By the way, nice venting! You pretty much summed up what's going on in my brain as well!

Best,
Ashley

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

Syvia,
Your honesty has really touched me, and I thank you. You hit a chord that I think everyone of us struggles with... fear. Fear of life without alcohol. Will it really be better? Surely it must, but what will we do instead? We imagine a healthier life, but a more boring one. And like you, nothing seems to take its place. But, I think what we have to "re-program" ourselves to is TRUTH. I think the "lie" that we all believe, is that once we give up alcohol, we will somehow live a boring life and may never find anything to help us through the tough times.

I honestly believe that so much of why we drink is psychological rather than a "physical addiction." We believe in our minds that we have to have it (which is a lie), so we drink it. We feel better, so we re-inforce the lie that we have always believed.

But what if your bank ran an offer to you because you are a valued customer who has banked with them for years. The offer is this: If you will give them a ten dollar bill, they will exchange it for you and give you a hundred dollar bill back, simply as their way of saying, thank you for being such a valued customer. So you are standing at the bank, the teller on the other side, and she is offering the hundred dollar bill to you, and with her other hand is reaching out to take your ten. Well... we glady make the exchange, because we can SEE that hundred dollar bill. We know the value is so much more than our measly ten dollar bill. Is it hard to "sacrifice" our precious ten dollar bill? Of course not! Because we can know for sure that what we are getting in exchange holds much more value.

So why is it so difficult to exhange our "ten dollar alcohol" for the hundred dollar life?? Because we cannot SEE this new life. But just because we cannot see it, has NOTHING to do with the fact that is TRULY exists. I dont mean to get spiritual, but I do believe that it is the truth that sets us free. One of my favorite scriptures in the Bible is Hebrews 11:1. It says:"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Wow.... the evidence of things not seen. I tend to want the "evidence" BEFORE I will believe, but this is the opposite of faith. Faith is believing in that which you cannot see. I am trying to really change the way that I think, and just begin "deciding" that life is better without this encumberance on me, and just start acting like it. I trust my feelings will line up with my actions eventually. Its like putting a smile on your face and choosing to have a great day even when you feel like crap. At some point, I imagine it will be harder and harder to feel like crap with a smile on my face. I will probably feel a lot better by the end of the day, and there's a good chance I might even feel the way my face looks. But if I tell everyone who says hello to me my woes and how miserable I am, then I will probably end the day worse than I even began it.

Having experienced the difference in value of having a ten dollar budget at the clothing store versus a hundred dollar budget, we know the difference in the rewards. We know in our minds that we are holding onto the alcohol just like the ten dollar bill, somehow locked into a myth we created that it will buy us more. We are like a child who doesnt know the difference in the value of a bubble gum ring versus true gold, and so we hold on with sweaty palms to our bubble gum rings, in fear that there is no ring more beautiful.

So this is how I am mentally trying to break the stronghold of lies that I have believed for so many years. By "renewing my mind" in this way, and reading the posts, posting to others, I have noticed a HUGE decrease in the amount of alcohol I have been drinking. I have not recieved any of the supplements or Topa, so I am encouraged to see what a difference the support of others, and my daily struggle to believe truth instead of lies, has made.

But I am not there yet, these are just the tools I am using today, and they are working little by little. I am sorry to ramble.... but that's part of the therapy right?

Have a wonderful day, and remember hundred dollar bills... not tens!!!

Allie

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

Thank you Allie, that was a very insperational, thank you for sharing! Holds so true for me too, because I was one of them that did get scared "bored" whatever after being sober for awhile! Afraid of the "new me" I guess.
Have a great day Allie, you made mine!
Love,
Tammie

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

Thanks Tammie...
I wish we could go for a long walk with our labs! I have a white lab, Lucy. It truly is therapy to get out and walk with her. I live in a big subdivision with over 30 miles of sidewalks which go through the woods. We love it. Fortunately though, we are enjoying spring weather which is helping me a ton! Yesterday got up to 78 degrees, and today is 79. I cant wait for our walk/ run this afternoon. As I type, I am sitting in my sunroom with the back door open. I can hear the ducks in the pond behind my house, and Lucy is salivating at the fence wishing she could have one for lunch!

So I am sending all of you some sunshine from Florida.... and hang on, Spring is almost here!

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

replace drinking

Allie - Thank you for your post. It was so thoughtful and provoking. I love your analogy about holding onto that 10 dollar bill in exchange for the 100 dollar bill we can't see. I think you're right about renewing our minds. To a certain extent there's a physical addiction, but after awhile - it's mental. We have to renew our minds to get rid of the mental addiction. We think we can't ever get though a party, bad news, boredom, downtime in the evening without a drink.

I had a pretty bad night last Sunday (had book club in my house and am embarassed about the amount I drank, and I'm not really sure what happened, but I'm sure it was noticed by all and I will be gossiped about for awhile). I'm just trying to forget about it and move on. Anyway, on Monday I decided to go on a "Master Cleanse Fast". (I've tried starting this several times and have only lasted 12 hours) It's on the internet and you just drink a lemonade concoction with water lemon juice, grade B Maple syrup and cayenne pepper. It's meant to detoxify and clear out your system. I also wanted something to jump start me back on track. I didn't think I would last , but here I am on day 3, hanging in there. I think after the 3rd day, I does get easier. The bottom line is - 3 days I have had no desire to drink at all. I think mentally I am occupied with sticking to this fast and making it "just one more meal". I am not a medical professional and certainly wouldn't recommend fasting for anyone. So, I would check out books about fasting before I would try it. After this fast, I plan to go back to healthy eating slowly and returning to the supplements. Just another thing to consider.

[Guest]

Will anything ever replace drinking for me?

Re: replace drinking

Wow Maria...

I want to know more about this fast. I will look it up on the internet. I have always wanted to do a cleansing, body detox fast, but am a succer for giving into hunger. I start feeling nauseated if I get to hungary, but I do love lemon water, cayenne pepper (can you believe that?) ... so maybe I could do it.

Talk about replacing drinking!!

Going now to do a search on it...