Sad and Desperate

[SpiritGirl]

I have started and deleted this message more times than I care to say. I have done so because I simply don't know where to begin. Let me first say that I feel like I am in the bottom of a pit and I can't seem to crawl my way out. It is easy for me to say this right now because I am plagued with the "guilts" of drinking too much last night. I am a 40 yr old single mother. I have always been what I would consider a "social drinker" but since the deterioration of my marriage I have been drinking on a 4-5 night per week basis. I typically drink at least a bottle of wine. Yesterday I started drinking earlier in the day. When I start I can't stop. It scares me. I got a DUI several months ago, yet I continue. I am setting a terrible example for my children and I am ashamed of myself most of the time. I say stupid things when I am drunk and I wake up feeling like, looking like and smelling like crap the next morning after a night of drinking. I am afraid of failing. I don't want to feel any worse. I don't believe in myself anymore. People that know me say that they see me as a strong, driven woman. I see myself as very weak. I am desperate to change. I want to feel happy, energetic and proud of the person I am. I don't think I can do that unless I quick drinking. It consumes me. I really hope that it's possible.

[Cinders]

Sad and Desperate

SpiritGirl,

:welcome: to MWO.

Have you read the MWO book yet? It would be a very good place to start. You can download it for very little money. It costs slightly more than a cheap bottle of wine.

I know exactly how you feel and have come a long way since joining MWO.

My life is much better today than it was back then. It is not easy to quit or mod but it definitely worth the effort.

Good luck!

Cindi

[hart]

Sad and Desperate

(((Spiritgirl)))

Hon, you did good coming here. Have you thought about taking some supplements or even a prescribed drug to make it easier to resist? Check on the Topa/Campral section and all the natural drugs available too. I made it 34 days AF and I will again, we can do it!:l

[SpiritGirl]

Sad and Desperate

Thanks for responding to me! I was hoping someone would. I will download the book today and look into ordering the supplements. I am willing to try anything. Cindi, will you share with me in which ways your life is better? I know it's probably an obvious question, but sometimes hearing it from someone who has been there is inspiring. I read a thread written by someone who is AF about all the things that are better, but I can't find it to reread.

Hart, I can't imagine making it 34 days. I hope I can. What would you suggest I do at the moments when I feel like opening a bottle of wine? Is there a "call-a-sponsor" type outlet here?

Thanks again to both of you!!

[caseaday]

Sad and Desperate

Spiritgirl,

I, like many others on this site, can really appreciate where you are right now in regard to feeling very down on yourself due to ALs affect on your life. It is like we finally feel like we are damaging ourselves and our family and that we need to climb out of a deep hole.

The good news is that the hole isn't as deep as we think it is. It isn't going to be easy to climb out of it but it is also not impossible. The people here will help you along the way if you simply ask. Feeling better about yourself is only a few short days away. Take it one day at a time and by the time you get to day 15 of AF you will be feeling much better. Your mind will be clear and you can chart a forward plan for dealing with AL.

Get the book, get on the supp's, come to this site when you need help or inspiration and you will be well on your way to being the person you knew you could be!

[Evie.Lou]

Sad and Desperate

I lost my soberity during a awful divorce.Because of my drinking I did not look good in court even thoughI had been sober for all my marriage.Because of my Drinking I really let my X get the better of me in court and I got screwed , big time!!!Now being sober is may main concern.If I can do it then I KNOW you can!!!!!EVIE

[toughintexas]

Sad and Desperate

Spirit, you can do this, promise! You found a great place! Remember, alcohol is a depressant, so when you cut back, quit, your SPIRIT will be boosted! I'm sure if you PM Cindi, she or I, or anyone here can talk to you! Cindi has a wealth of info., and she really has come a long way, her story is awesome! I've been here a lil over a year, and I'm not perfect, but can't imagine ever doing so well without this site, I've had a few slips in over a year, but I sure identify my triggers now, and try to avoid them. The most important thing is change your routine and habits! Whatever time it is you usually start to drink, remember you body is accustomed to having that shot of alcohol, converted into sugar right then, its like a diabetic needing insulin, you've trained your body to crash then, and start looking for a sugar rush...then it spikes, then falls, then you need more! Cycle of doom! After reading the book and starting the supplements, get to a gym, or get out and walk, volunteer someplace, do anything, but get outta the house, and change your "habit"! Exercise really helps boost your self-esteem, and makes you feel better, stronger in everyway, not hard exercise, just start walking if you can! Join a adult class on something you are interested in, it doesn't matter, but change your routine.
Also, the MetRx powdered L-glut, is awesome, take a tsp. of it in tea, water, juice, about an hour before you usually start drinking, give it 30 mins., you can take somemore...its pretty amazing....get the GABA to calm your nerves so you are chilled out, and don't just rip the cork outta the bottle! I love the Lithium Orotate, its all natural, and really evens out your moods, and it gives me time to talk to myself about what I'm fixing to do...it elevates the mood, and just makes you feel more in control, we have it at our pharmacy if I can help you, and lots of the other stuff too, the ones here are great too, we just get a wholesale discount owning a pharmacy, and order the pharmaceutical grade supp's. Just congradulate yourself for every single time you drink even one less glass, that's progress! Don't expect to beat this overnight, it won't happen....but Its Harder To Keep Drinking, than It Is To Quit!!!! You have to do it for your kids, and I'm sure you can't afford another DUI, that's serious stuff. In Texas, you go to jail first time, and second time, you are really in the PO-PO...lol... Just do anything to feel more positive about yourself, and keep on posting and reading! Hope that helps!

[toughintexas]

Sad and Desperate

Oh, and go get some cool sprakling waters, I'm hooked on San Pellingrino italian sparkling water with fresh lime squeezed in, and they have some that have real fruit juice added, and get you an ice tea maker, and some Tazo teas, Wild Spice Orange is great, and the Calm, and the Chai, have fun trying something other than the wine....put it in a wine glass....you'd be surprised how much just holding the glass is a habit, and folks have told me its like a cig., tho I've never smoked, thats why so many are just burning in an ashtray, sitting my the person, its just "there" in case, or they just puff a few and keep flicking the ashes...lol...it's a pacifier! So, try a glass of a new brewed tea in a wine glass for that first impulse!

[caseaday]

Sad and Desperate

Spiritgirl...ToughinTexas just gave you some really great advice. I would follow up with it!

[SpiritGirl]

Sad and Desperate

Thank you again to everyone who has replied to me. I am moved to tears that people that have never met me seem to care so much. I couldn't wait to get online tonight. TouchinTexas - thank you so much for your post and your words of encouragement. I started over indulging in wine originally because I enjoy the taste. Then I would sit in front of the computer for what turned out to be hours and I would just keep drinking. This became a habit. I starting craving the alcohol. Truth be told, I enjoy the taste of sparkling water just as much. I drink Perrier with lime. Due to you suggestion I went to Whole Foods tonight and stocked up (I looked for the San Pellingrino but couldn't find it). I feel so much better. I am excited about getting up tomorrow feeling fresh. I pray so much that I can continue this feeling of encouragement. I know I am a work in progress - so I guess I will try to stay realistic. Texas, is it possible that you could PM me regarding the pharmacy options to order the supplements you suggested. I am not familiar with any of it, and I appreciate your recommendations and anything you could do to assist me in that direction. Thanks again to everyone's encouragement. Due to your kindness, I feel much better than I did this morning when I posted my original message. Cindi, Texas has sparked my interest in hearing you story. Would you be willing to share some of your journey with me?

[music man]

Sad and Desperate

Hi SpiritGirl,

You have come to right place. You will get a lot of support here. I posted the first time here several months ago ago feeling totally helpless and alone, and I immediately got a lot of replies and some great support. It was really great to know that there were other people out there that could relate to what I was dealing with that I could talk to.

Keep logging on here and posting.

-MM