Found this site, felt great then fell on my face!!

[Margaritaville]

Found this site, felt great then fell on my face!!

ownbestfriend;335401 wrote: I am quite disgusted my my double-crossing. I double-crossed myself by globally announcing I was 'inspired' - I gave up for two whole days! I bought the only form of Kudzu in Nz (which is watered down) and some Magnesium. Cost me a bomb. I can't source the book here or the meds. But, hey I was so inspired I thought I would be fine. But I'm not. I am drinking my chardonnays again. On the up-side I have flicked the two-year releationship which supported my drinking. I have watched the sun set. I have thought that tomorrow I want to engage with life and go for a run.

I am just me, just a Mum, just a woman, just a girl who grew up a bit lost and then went on to have a great career and three awesome kids. 40 approaches and my confidence is suddenly gone. I want to stop wanting my best friend the chardonnay!!

All I can do is hug you. We have much in common. So, here. :l

[ownbestfriend]

Found this site, felt great then fell on my face!!

Oh yeah. I can tick a number of those lines you sent through. I tried to reply but couldn't. The fact your can write it all down is great. I am a journalisit and have been for 20 years and still can't come up with the words you did! I just sat there and went 'yes, yes, yes'. Have been offline since I read it. I just realise the futility or the sadness and the inherited genetics - we were raised in this way yet we drink. For me: well I was on the straight and narrow for years til my marriage broke up and then I must have returned to the crap I was raised with. It is all self-abuse as you say. We always do the best for our kids and give them the best BECAUSE of what we suffered but we have NEVER learned to do the best for ourselves. My way to 'respect me' is to ask myself: 'would you want this for your daughter?' and when the answer is NO then I know it is the answer for me. Otherwise, i just let the shit fall on me and accept it, even invite it I suppose. Your post was really poignant! Thanks. You are ahead of me and I am glad someone has a light .. to ... well just to highlight the darkness I guess!!

[Spanky]

Found this site, felt great then fell on my face!!

Dear Own, I did the same thing and was happy to have found this site. The encouraging posts from the members are so strong and positive- Especially the one that said "beating yourself up will just lead to more drinking." So, I too will stop beating myself up for not sticking with it last time. But we will this time!!!

[sasha]

Found this site, felt great then fell on my face!!

Spanky and Ownbestfriend

I think the "beating yourself up" is part of AL. I suppose I can only speak for myself but I think that the AL pendulum swings both ways. You know it swings waaaay over into feelgoodland. "Whee! This is great - lets have another shall we...". The other side of the pendulum swing is "@##$ I suck!". For me the last night I drank, I had that horrible sudden waking at whoknowswhatdamntime in the morning and the very first thought was "loser, loser, loser". It was the pendulum swinging the bad direction.
When I posted that I had that thought someone suggested that I replace that thought with "Winner, winner, winner."
Ownbestfriend, as a journalist you know the power of words. I think so much comes from the way we talk to ourself.
Sending good thoughts to you two Spanky and Ownbestfriend...
Winner, Winner, Winner.

Sasha

[Ripple]

Found this site, felt great then fell on my face!!

Its okay..no-one said it was EASY. Keep trying and stay on board where the FOCUS is SOBRIETY! It will come to you..Saying awful words sticks in the brain like a magnet to iron, think of the GOOD things and not the BAD. :l