When do you know you're beating a dead horse?

[Guest]

When do you know you're beating a dead horse?

Re: nigtstand drawer

You guys TOTALLY crack me up! I havent posted on this thread, but I sure have gotten a kick out of reading it!! I think we chould call Darlene and have her make a book out of it, and then we could call Oprah??

Just kidding.

By the way, my nightstand drawer is warped on the bottom to this day. Hope I never do that again!! :rollin

I've had a few people send me some absolutely laughin till I snort stories to my EZ box that they were too embarrased to post on the thread. I wish they would... i personally think its great therapy to be able to laugh. Put it this way... I thought I was bad for peeing in a nightstand drawer....

Allie

[Guest]

When do you know you're beating a dead horse?

Re: nigtstand drawer

tawny - you are a love...even if i called you kate once while i was figuring this thing out on this new internet talk.

as i said in a post yesterday....somewhere on here - it would be so nice and helpful if we could actualy talk or meet and be a support that way rather than waiting and not knowing where to look or where the lst post was! of course it might be danergous too. that is the only weakness i see in this system.
how much more successful would we be if we could speak during moments of weakness? prost , el

[Guest]

When do you know you're beating a dead horse?

Re: nigtstand drawer and other funnies

You guys are all the best! I love to read the posts for love, connection, levity (in these recent ones!) this is great. Everyone getting ready for March Madness? Love to all!

Kathy

[Guest]

When do you know you're beating a dead horse?

Ouch! After I got up off the floor from rolling around laughing.. I thought to myself WELL here is more proof that we are REAL people.. claws'n all :rollin
Congratulations everyone.. a fine comic blend!
Hey, am I the straight man here?
That's gotta be a first :hat
MFM

[Guest]

When do you know you're beating a dead horse?

Crisis

J said he was done, done with living. He took an overdose of sleeping pills, plus the vodka, plus the beer. He passed out. I called 911. They called the ambulance dispatch who also called the police. Two cop cars and an ambulance showed up. He is on his way to the hospital right now.

I think it's so fu-ked up that America has turned into a police state--where a person with a medical/mental/emotional problem has to be treated like a criminal! The first thing the cops do is to check to see if you have a record I guess so they can grab you while you're in an incapacitated state.

They suggest that I should leave him on the streets once they release him from the hospital.
What say you all? Weigh in.

This message was copied here and also on the "males wanted preferably alive" thread.

V

[Guest]

When do you know you're beating a dead horse?

V
"he is definitely worth the effort; aren't we all?" yes we all are. but we have to 50% of our own rescue - I think that is what everyone is trying to tell you. none of us are here expecting that someone can do the whole thing for us. maybe in the back of our minds we have a secret hope - but it is a PART of helping ourselves. For me - if i want to drink - i sit here first and write - even if at times it is just discombobulated sounding - it is reaching out. i think what others are saying is that J isn't reaching out or even have acknowledged he has a sincere problem.

As you, I am also highly educated and successful: no one took a test for me and no one enrolled me an no one paid for it. no one wrote one word of my thesis...although i so wanted someone to do it for me. but actually not - because had i not done it myself - i would not realy have done it: and it would not hold the same value.

i thnk you are still sorting through and grieving the loss of your husband. but how are you robbing yourself and your child of quality by working with J who seems to not want to help himself...he has no reason to. also, professionally, the latest behavior he exibits will only increase to puch the boundaries of destruction and pain. you can love someone and support them: you have offered him so many options. you HAVE been there for him; but he has to 50% of that. If he is not ...sadly you are beating a dead horse.

PLEASE do not put yourself at further risk as this situation seems to escalate - don't let all your hard work and other responsibilities be swallowed in a situation yu intelligently realize isn't going to get better. In AA terms (not an AA member): If noting changes ...noting changes. And the best thing you cacn probably do for his is to force change on him - someting significant has to happen to change the situation. That might be throwing him out on the steps of a treatment center.... and God forbid the change doesn't come from the police b/c of some horrific and irreversible event.

I know everyting writen by others is out of love and concern.
My love, El

[Guest]

When do you know you're beating a dead horse?

Hopefully the hospitalization/incarceration (yikes) will provide some much needed sobriety and clarity. It will sting, but he needs it, it sounds like. Didn't we all?
Best of luck
Becca

[Guest]

When do you know you're beating a dead horse?

V - don't know if you are busy w/J - but will rie my thoughts anyway. First you must be a wonder to be able to do al encompassing your life now. Caring for a child, your sidertation, doggie who need your love, stability and attentio and - J - who will alwasy keep you uess. To your earlier ustion - YES you are enabling him - he is not seeking other things becaue everyting is taken care of. He may be gorgeous - but how gogeous is he realy with his butt crack hanging out of his pans, falling off the couch andnot be able to help you even help him to bed - much less any 'nooky" for you.
Just by saying my loved one has a problem dosen't mean you don't love them! For many just ONE GOOD day togeher will reignite the flame and somehow mean it will all get better now. What you are in love with is the potential - ot the real man he is today. You rally can get hiim going on regenerate what is left of himself by being th ehard ass and having expectations and consequences for him. ALSO -sadly thre are those who take the 'leaving in Los Vegas" way out. Just as in teh movie - nothing will change that. They either are determined on the path or get sick of it and change it. One of the things about tht movie is that HE realized what he was doing to her. Has J talked about the escating behavior's impact on you and the child and the studoes and the animals. YOU have a life...ready fo the taking and demolishing. I am not going into my funny phase her becaseu I am older - and I see down the road for you - and how you are porentially puting yourself at risk in a plethoa of ways.
TRUST ME: thre are a LOT of guys with fine asses out there who turned their talent of quarterbacking, guitar playing into a sane and responsible life : maybe a dotor, a kite maker, a lawyer a expert plumber. Intelligent to meet you on an equal level and what to help reach your goals and provide a family for you - if that is what you wish. you ned not always strugle. My Closing question is "How much do you tink of yourself and the life you want for you and the child and dogs?" Do you think you can do no better? I am her to tell you you can - and afte a couple of years of J geting his sh-- together on his own - he might just be the one.
Honey - you are worth so much more...and from my expereice when i thought time was endless and my smarts and beauty would last forever...they don't.

Just trying to protect you - sorry if this turned into a lecture. el

[Guest]

When do you know you're beating a dead horse?

crisis-update

Hi Team, cc--males wanted

Thanks for all the supportive responses. You really gave me some clarity on the situation.

After the ambulance and the police left, I called the homeless shelter. If he was bent on killing himself, he was going to have to do it someplace else, if he survived.

Then I went to the hospital. The nurses and docs said that J set a new hospital record--.50 BAC. I'm sure this means much more to you all. I'd probably be more scared if I really knew what that meant.

Anyway, when J came to and found that catherter, he rip it out himself without benefit of first deflating the balloon. OOUCH!!! Blood everywhere--sent the nurses flying around in a panic. I'm sorry--but this part is too funny--I just have to laugh. So much for Boy_Toy and the boy's toys!

When I got there, he was ready to rip out the IV and go home. I ended up having to spend the night just so he would stay, so that he could be evaluated by social services in the morning.

I thought all the nurses and doctors were very condescending--AA is all they have to say. They were not the least bit interested in evaluating J for any underlying medical/mental conditions. F--K them. There are no med docs at AA (less than 20% partipants attain sobriety), so, and as far as I'm concerned, the medical community has really dropped the ball on alcoholism and just pass the buck.

I went home for a few hours in the morning to reconsider this whole thing. I picked J up later in the day. I still have his stuff packed and ready to go. I would have taken him to the homeless shelter straight from the hospital only they were full. So here we are. Computer was down yesterday or I would have written sooner, so I slept most of the day. Worn out.

Today, I had a talk with J. I told him I was not the least bit amused at his antics and that he wasn't fooling anybody. I told him the only reason he was still here was because the shelter was full. Today, he is very contrite. He's up and doing things around the house. He promised he'll try for sobriety. I mentioned March Madness to him. By the wayyou-all--good luck with that. J is not computer savvy--new stuff gives him new anxieties--says he's a loner.

I don't know what to think. It'll be 2 weeks before there is room at the "Inn." The more I talk to family and friends, the more I picture J as a user--I'm not sure how much to blame on the alcohol or am I dealing with a genuinely shitty person. I was told even when he had a few bucks to his name, he still wouldn't give his ex-girfriend money for the bills--just had recreation money for himelf. I gave him $10.00 to put in a card for his daughter for a belated Valentine's day. He sealed it up in front on me, but later he took it out of the mail box and that's why he had so much money for vodka the other night.

Anyway, guess, I'm giving it another 2 weeks. I told him that I will not baby him and restarting MWO or not will be entirely up to him. He also has support groups that were suggested by the social worker and other things to do.

Some corrections on misunderstandings:
My husband died 20 years ago when my daughter was 2.
She is now 22. She is fine and doing well in grad school in Eugene ,OR. So, for those who are worried about that, don't be--please.

Hugs to all,

I'll keep you posted.

Love
V