A Hot Shower a drink

[RockyRoad]

I am new and have not posted b/4. I am really looking for guidance. In my head & heart, no one could feel more pathetic, worthless, useless and disposable than I do every day and at every moment - but I do acknowledge that other people do. FYI - I have a good life and don't want for anything except I feel un-Godly lonely, and that's probably not my problem either - at -all. My childhood was a horror story, but at 48, I'm not sure how much I'm willing to attribute to that anymore. I know my husband 'hates the drunk - loves the sober' me, and although we have been to Hell & back in our marriage, I wouldn't blame him for leaving me and my pathetic addiction. He deserves much better. He drinks every day also - 'for the FLAVOR' - but I'm the drunk - and I am because I start b/4 he gets home from work. He is not willing to quit or get the AL out of the house because he LOVES the taste - not the effect - every day - after work - without question. He KNOWS I have a HUGE PROBLEM but will not join with me to rid the house of AL for a month. My parents owned a Tavern. My home was above the Tavern. Drinking was NEVER out of the question at ANY age in my life. There were no occasions that Alcohol was not the most important ingredient. I recently learned that the 'nerve medicine' that my mother was dosing me with on a daily basis was whiskey, honey and lemon juice, so I am not long for this world, cause I have NEVER been sober, not even as an innocent.

[Evie.Lou]

A Hot Shower a drink

If you are still breathing then there is hope.Soberiety is worth fighting for.People here will help so stay close......EVIE

[Wolf Dreamer]

A Hot Shower a drink

Hello Rocky Road, you are not alone. I am here too. I am new to this forum and this is my first post. My heart is touched by your plea and that of all the others (like me) who reach out for a lifeline here. Please know that we are all worthwhile and no one is beyond change for the better. I guess the first step is really wanting it for yourself and seeking a way to find it. I have been an alcohol abuser pretty much since I was 15 and I just turned 44. Lots of unpleasant stories along the way for sure and I believe when I look back at most of the really bad situations I've been in I can trace them back to drinking in some way or another. It is unfortunate that your husband is not a bit more supportive of your desire to challenge the hold alcohol has on your life. I think his statement that he drinks for the taste and not the feeling is a bit suspect. I guess he's at a different place on the road than you are. I'm not sure yet but I think coming here is a great first step. ( I hope it will be for me too.) It has taken courage for me just to post this. Anyway just wanted to let you know I'm hopeful that things will get better for us.
Wolf Dreamer

[sasha]

A Hot Shower a drink

No expert but

I just want to suggest that you can do this. You are not worthless certainly! We all have the opportunity to make someone else's journey a little easier (as well as our own journey). Perhaps you can do a small kindness to another person as well as yourself today.
I felt a huge difference just by making a plan on day 1. For me that meant arranging supplements and vitamins so I could just grab them. I also resolved to take my rascally dogs for a nice after-dinner walk. On day 2, I extended an helping hand to a relative whom I had earlier extended a very negative action. (And took dogs for another walk!)
Goodness 48 hours into this program and I am an expert!
Seize the day girl!:l
Sasha

[caysea]

A Hot Shower a drink

hi all and welcome i have only been on this site for a couple of weeks but with all the help from the people here have been able to go 15 days af I have been abusing A for over 40 years and came here never expecting to be were I am today. I think all of us didn't feel it was possible when we first started.It is a fight and will require you to view it as a fight for your life Not drinking one drink will be the most important thing you do each day.Thats what i was told when i started and it put it in perspective. no person no thing should get in the way of your not drinking I don't like to say good luck I would rather say get ready for round one protect yourself at all times and come out fighting

Stay Healthy

[RockyRoad]

A Hot Shower a drink

Is there anything more ugly than a drunk? How about a drunk woman? How about a drunken mother of an adult disabled son? How about that this woman can't think of anything better to do since her disabled son left high school and is sitting at home all day drooling, than to sit at home all day and drool with him? Don't they both deserve to die? How pathetic am I? I did what you said. I went and mowed the retired neighbors lawn this afternoon, and then I deserved a drink for my good deed and BOY - did that piss-off my husband. He is not speaking to me, but he is having a beer. I guess it's our own little marital support group!!! He doesn't care that the neighbor was drinking while I mowed his lawn. He doesn't guage himself or others, but he sure thinks I'm a freak. He can leave.

[southernbelle47]

A Hot Shower a drink

{{{{Rocky}}}}

I hear you.

My hubby drinks too...every day......Gets mad if I do.....

Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

:hNancy

[Dolly Sunshine]

A Hot Shower a drink

I'm sorry Rocky

[Theme2be]

A Hot Shower a drink

I extend my deepest empathy to you from feeling like a drunk and the lonliness that invades . I ache with the same and my breath is lighter when I come here to what is a sacred space to my existence and I read and listen to anothers words so I can silence my own for some peace in my mind. Such as when I found your words and they belong to me also. So, please know in those moments of lonliness, you are not alone.
When you post as you did from your heart it is helping another just through that action. I am learning how this dreaded disorder that lurks in our shadows to pull all the light into its pulse so it can survive is something we did nothing to deserve it.
Here there is hope because you are surrounded by greatness in all its forms because you will find reflections of your pain and find inspiration that lifts and separates that lonliness for even just a moment
Your beautifull.:l

[Lila]

A Hot Shower a drink

Rocky ROad,
Please keep on posting.
Having a disabled child must be so hard to deal with. Your parents gave you alcohol??? My uncle recommended it for my colicky firstborn. I didn't give her brandy, tho'.
You are among friends.
Lila

[Evie.Lou]

A Hot Shower a drink

I am so sorry that you do not have the support that you deserve at home.We will help you here,please join our family.You will see that there are many who have been to hell and still were able to find the strenght to get sober.To take care of a disabled child takes a very strong person so that tells me that you have what it takes to do this.It sounds corney but it is true (tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life).The past is over !!!!Keep your thoughts on the future.....LOL...EVIE

[RockyRoad]

A Hot Shower a drink

I need to cry but I can't - I can't let my husband see me cause he'd think I was pathetic and I can't let my son see me cause he feeds off my emotions and if I seem happy, he feels secure, but...THANK YOU - THANK YOU - THANK YOU ALL, and I know we will meet one day. I'm SOOO tired of this.

[Evie.Lou]

A Hot Shower a drink

Tomorrows is a new day and another chance to begin to change your life ....It is not to late,we will get thru this together....LOL...Evie

[Evie.Lou]

A Hot Shower a drink

ROCKY MY DEAR,FELL FREE TO PM ME IF I CAN HELP......OK ????

[sasha]

A Hot Shower a drink

A question...

have you read the book or started any of the meds and or supplements? Wonderful that you mowed neighbor's lawn but what about a kindness for you? I was the poster that suggested that you do something kind for another person...but that seems sort of like a silly suggestion in light of the fact that you are the caretaker of a disabled child.
Sending good thoughts your way Rocky.