Just about to start day one and then...

[river0123]

...the neighbor kid spilt an entire jug on Koolaid on my kitchen floor. I usually have a 5 o'clock rule but I'm already telling myself that I'll start tomorrow instead.
I ordered the CD's today, I've taken the Kudzu and L-G but I'm just watching the clock waiting for 5. I need a little encouragement
P.S. My first post, I've been quietly watching for a few months...

[river0123]

Just about to start day one and then...

Thanks, Dolphin, I must have just missed you...I'll check back later. So far every time I've gone into chat, I'm all alone

[Tiny]

Just about to start day one and then...

River -- know that you are not alone... I was just like you and I had my 5PM wine but last Tuesday "It Happened" I was tired of starting and failing... little things like spilled kool-aid can set me off too -- funny I can endure really challenging things but it's lifes little irritants like traffic or spilled kool-aid that can do it... take a deep breath... you'll know when it is time for you and we'll be here...

[Thankful]

Just about to start day one and then...

River ~ it is hard to get started, but that effort is so worth it. Do you realize that it's all the past drinking that is leading you to lose it over spilled kool-aid in the first place? When you get some AF days under your belt, you'll be surprised how much easier it is to deal with life's little problems.

Believe when I look back at things that triggered me I realized that I was the Queen of Make a Mountain Out Of A Molehill!! When I had AL in my system the slightest thing would set me off to, "Oh, God I need a beer to deal with it". I used to drink just to get myself to go grocery shopping because I hate going so much. Stupid, huh? When I think now about all the little things life throws at me and how my first reaction was to drink, I have to laugh at how dumb I was. I wasted a lot of my life because "I couldn't deal with it". Come on, a little kid spilled Kool-aid. Big mess...Yes. Pain in the ass having to drop everything and clean it up....Yes. Reason to drink.....NO WAY!!!!

Stay strong. If you want today to be day one then left it be. You can do this!!! We are here for you.

Love, Me
:l

[river0123]

Just about to start day one and then...

Thanks everyone! It's now 4:15. I have all these conflicting thoughts running around in my head. Like should I take more Kudzu and L-G or save the pills for when I'm "really serious" (note I was really serious a few hours ago!). This is such vicious cycle! My head is pounding from last night's drinking and I'm torn between nap or just a quick drink to feel "normal". The season finale to my favorite show (the Tudors) is also on and I just love to watch it while having a few (heck, many!).
I wish I had the CD's already, they can't come soon enough! Anyway, I appreciate all the positive thoughts sent my way...
Oh, doesn't help that hubby just got home and he's mixing....

[tlrgs]

Just about to start day one and then...

:hello2::colorwelcome::groupluv:

[Evie.Lou]

Just about to start day one and then...

You can do this we can help !!!!!

[Doggygirl]

Just about to start day one and then...

NAP!! I VOTE NAP!! Hi River and welcome. I hope you are powering through it. I know all too well how easy it is to say "oh I'll start tomorrow instead." In many ways that is THE most difficult thing about Day 1 AF.

For some reason, this 4th attempt to get sober is feeling much easier than the previous attempts. Not sure why. On my first attempt starting last July, the first few weeks were pretty hard sometimes. My "fallback" was always my bedroom, where I never smoked (back when I smoked) or drank. It was a great place to hide and watch some TV or read a book to pass a crave, since I never drank in that space anyway. Do you have a place like that - a safe zone that might help you through the rough patches at home?

At any rate, hang in there and know that WE CAN DO THIS!

DG
***********

[river0123]

Just about to start day one and then...

Hi, I love the idea of a safe zone! But my kids won't leave me alone. My CD's should arrive this week and I don't know how I will be able to listen to them without having to explain what they are. I would prefer that my oldest (15) not know how bad I think I am. Although she probably already knows it herself, I like to pretend I've hidden it well (which I have not!).
Thanks everyone, for your support. I'm trying!

[lukalee]

Just about to start day one and then...

River,
I think you should sit down and discuss this with your kids. When I did my first 30 days, I sat them down and explained what was going on, and to expect a witchy mommy for a bit. Although my program has not been great, I have stuck to my guns of not drinking nor having a hangover around them. It is remarkable how alcohol can make us very frustrated towards our children; when in reality, all they want is our love and attention.
If you cannot find a safety zone at home, maybe you can create one elsewhere. My friend is a stay at home mom who gets very little time for herself. Twice a year she goes to stay at a girlfriend's house or even a hotel in town for the weekend just to get away and decompress. We all need time to nurture ourselves instead of everyone else.

[Change]

Just about to start day one and then...

dolphin;337099 wrote: this time last week i was passed out on the couch,full of gin.

Know the feeling. But, somehow i have 'normalised' it.

In my cirumstances, what else is there to do?

I don't have a significant other, i can't get sober for long enough to find one, and i am lonely. Alcohol provides a welcome relief to that.

Being drunk on the couch seems an attractive alternative to the other. Having nobody...

Geez, it's a vicious circle. You drink because you can't meet anyone, you don't want to get too close to anyone new because you know you drink, and you feel ashamed.

When does it ever stop?

[FloridaBoy]

Just about to start day one and then...

Change;337476 wrote: Know the feeling. But, somehow i have 'normalised' it.

In my cirumstances, what else is there to do?

I don't have a significant other, i can't get sober for long enough to find one, and i am lonely. Alcohol provides a welcome relief to that.

Being drunk on the couch seems an attractive alternative to the other. Having nobody...

Geez, it's a vicious circle. You drink because you can't meet anyone, you don't want to get too close to anyone new because you know you drink, and you feel ashamed.

When does it ever stop?

:welcome: It stops when you step outside of yourself and take a brutally honest look at what you see.

[mickyshell]

Just about to start day one and then...

:new: Hi all, I'm new here, am giving up both smoking and drinking. I hate it at between 4pm and 9pm. after that I seem to be ok. on day three at mo. It's the next few days that'll be the hardest, after the hangovers gone it all seems like such a good idea again. I really want to do this. Got to as my partner is twice as bad as me and wont admit it & we have 5 beautifull kids x Anyone ever had to give up whilst living with someone just as bad? is it possible? Haven't got the book or anything yet. With you all all the way! GOOD LUCK1!!:wave::wavin:

[Change]

Just about to start day one and then...

mickyshell;337511 wrote: :nyone ever had to give up whilst living with someone just as bad? is it possible?

Wow, that would be hard!

And thanks Floridaboy for your advice. I have had a hard look at myself and don't really like what i see. I am well aware of what i am doing, i just need the strength to stop. There are 2 easily accessible bottleshops around here, which makes going out getting that bottle of wine very easy.

But, no excuses. It is just good old willpower. All i need to do now is find something to use up my nights with. Watching DVDs gets old and i live on my OWN, so i am stuck with my own company nearly every day and every night. It just gets boring.

Sometimes i go an entire day or two without even speaking to anyone, except perhaps the attendant at the milkbar or something.

Everybody knows i live on my own, you'd think they'd ring up to say hello every now and then.

Human beings can be so selfish... that is another thing that is getting me down.

[Luvwins]

Just about to start day one and then...

Spilled Koolaid moments.

I've been watching for a while and keep coming back to the original post in this thread. It's the minor stressors of the housewife life (not the work life or the social life) that trigger my drinking. The spilled Koolaid moments. I know for me that's a good place to focus on change. Thanks River123 for the sharing that image.
Must go make the pancakes and eggs and get off here before the hubby gets up.