Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

[Sam Handwich]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Wolf Dreamer ~

Thank you for your response. I feel for you, as it feels like me ... that's what's great about this forum. Please continue forward on your path ...

I'm checking out for the night, but the past 6 hours have been great for me. The support is invaluable for me. And I know a lot of people feel the same way.

I'm going to bed now .... not staying up continuing the drinking because of your responses .... but, I'll probably be talking with you tomorrow when the urge comes on. It's a process ...

Best,

Sam

[cuckoosnest83]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Hi Sam, welcome to the site and judging from my own personal drinking experience you have crossed the line. If you go back and read what you wrote I think you will see that. You think about drinking during the day, you regularly have black-outs on an average of 4 out of 7 days, you're taking benadryl not for it's intended purpose but as a sleep aid so you won't continue drinking. If you think about it, how many people without an alcohol problem would be writing this? I know exactly where you are coming from because I drank every night for 15 years until I found this site. I couldn't wait to get home from work and have my first drink, some nights I crawled into bed barely conscious, and I would take sleeping aids to help me fall asleep so I didn't feel the need to drink as much. As someone once said "if you think you have a problem with alcohol, you have a problem with alcohol". If you want to try moderation, it is recommended that you do 30 days without alcohol first. Do what is best for you and what you think to be right. You will have the support and encouragement of the people on this site with whatever you decide. Good luck.

[Sam Handwich]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Thanks for that, Cuckoosnest ... you're dead-on with your assessment.

Thanks to the messages and the conversations from last night, I actually remembered my dreams this morning; I was fairly intoxicated, but I remember going to bed, too, which is step in the right direction.

Happy Wednesday.

Sam

[Doggygirl]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Happy Wednesday to you too Sam! I like your screen name by the way. You need just the perfect avatar to go with it!

Well, well, where to start. I have a lot in common with you. At some stage I crossed the line with my drinking where it went from "excessive" to "barely hanging on to any control at all." Like you, I was careful not to drive drunk, and it became a home bound sport. I knew for a LONG LONG time (years and years) that I had crossed the line. I would spend hours and hours thinking how I needed to stop the madness, and then not stop the madness. I can also relate to needing an outside source like MWO to talk, and work through your thoughts rather than try to work through ALL of this with just the spouse. I'm very close to my husband, and he is very engaged in where I have been with this for the last 10 months. But I need MWO too, and he understands.

I think I need to check out some of the supps ... that's all right now. I'm just not completely sure that I can stop, so it would be good to have this stuff/info on hand. At this point, I cannot "just stop", but it may happen within a week or so ... I think (as I'm hammered right now), that this will come in handy soon.

(emphasis mine)

You know what? Yes, you CAN stop. So can I. So can every single person here, with enough effort and desire to make it happen. And of course it's just plain smart to use whatever tools are available here or through a rehab program or counseling or AA or whatever works for you. I can't walk on water, but I CAN choose not to drink AL.

I second (or third or fourth) the motions that you download the My Way Out book from the Health Store. I think it's great to understand how RJ put this program together, and what the baseline program IS, in it's purest form. Then like everyone else - move on from there.

Don't let the Booze Beast convince you that:
1) You CAN'T stop. (you CAN stop)
2) You will be a social dud without AL (you might find you are far more interesting without AL - Al is a liar!)
3) Your sex life will suffer without AL. (geez - I bet being awake more when your wife gets home could present some fresh opportunities right there!)
etc.

Best wishes Sam Handwich!! You CAN do this. Keep working at it. Every attempt will teach you something new, if you open your mind to the lessons.

DG
************** (Day 14 AF, hopefully for the last time. I am woman hear me roar and all that jazz)

[Sam Handwich]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

DoggyGirl ~

What a life, huh? I know that the trade-off for me is probably to become more healthy and physically active so I replace the energy I get - probably the sugar rush - from AL. It seems nutty to say it, but when I get tired or bored I want a drink because I know that it will increase my energy. I'm a very very mellow person and AL peps me up rather than putting me to sleep. Anyway, I just ordered some Kudzu and some L-Glutamine ... should be here in three days; I'm curious about it. Probably download the MWO book, as well.

It seems like a lot of men around my age [38] happen upon this "what am I going to do the rest of my life" thing when the wide-open future of youth starts to fade away. I'm conscious of this and I think about it a lot. Hopefully, if I can succeed at this life change, I'll have an answer to that question.

So, thanks for the support - it is much appreciated!

Sam

[cuckoosnest83]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Sam, best of luck to you. For me there have been a lot of false starts but as I have often said on this site, I have had more days without drinking since I joined this site 8 months ago than I have had in 15 years. Hopefully you will too.

Cuckoo

[betty boop]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Hi guys, had a few busy days and not checked in here .......

A huge BB to you all .......

If you want to beat this beast then this place really can help you .......

Keep reading and posting and take from it whatever helps you ........

Nive to 'meet' you all ..........

BB xx Attached files [img]/converted_files/524115=3464-attachment.jpg[/img] [img]/converted_files/524115=3465-attachment.jpg[/img]

[Sam Handwich]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

I'm still sneakin' the quick vodka shot, but I'm finding distractions; washed my lawn tractor and took the blades off of it so I can sharpen them tomorrow. Funny thing is that there's so many potential distractions around my house that I could take advantage of ... I'm going to try this method of distraction. But, I still feel like a loser - and I react to that kind of self-criticism ... so, maybe if I get some domestic action going in the form of work around the house, I might be able to feel productive and not so much of a ALkie loser. We'll see ... the shakes are what scare me; I hate the shakes! I want to be able to coast through the evening with no shakes to begin with .... it may be a way to ween myself off of AL ... the shakes: not cool. Can't wait until the Kudzo and the L-Gluytamine get here ....

Just a random post, I know, and I feel weird posting here when I'm actually still drinking ... but, I suppose it's the thing to do if I truly want to quit, which I do .... it's obvious that I should.

Best to all ...

Sam

[cuckoosnest83]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Hey Sam, maybe while you are waiting for the kudzu and L-glut to arrive you can come up with a AF plan of things to do to help enable you to stop. The distraction works well for me and I find that exercise has been a multiple reward. I have a lot more energy, it helps distract me, I've lost weight, and my blood pressure has gone down and my Dr. has cut my meds in half. Personally speaking I and I know others have posted here while drinking so don't feel weird. Keep coming back and I think you will really benefit from the help and support here. The kudzu and L-glut aren't magic pills but they do help.

Cuckoo

[FloridaBoy]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Sam Handwich;339715 wrote: I'm still sneakin' the quick vodka shot, but I'm finding distractions; washed my lawn tractor and took the blades off of it so I can sharpen them tomorrow. Funny thing is that there's so many potential distractions around my house that I could take advantage of ... I'm going to try this method of distraction. But, I still feel like a loser - and I react to that kind of self-criticism ... so, maybe if I get some domestic action going in the form of work around the house, I might be able to feel productive and not so much of a ALkie loser. We'll see ... the shakes are what scare me; I hate the shakes! I want to be able to coast through the evening with no shakes to begin with .... it may be a way to ween myself off of AL ... the shakes: not cool. Can't wait until the Kudzo and the L-Gluytamine get here ....

Just a random post, I know, and I feel weird posting here when I'm actually still drinking ... but, I suppose it's the thing to do if I truly want to quit, which I do .... it's obvious that I should.

Best to all ...

Sam

You are not a loser. You found this site and now you just need to focus on your goal. You can do it.

I can offer no advice on the shakes. I think detox is different for each of us.

[Sam Handwich]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Thanks FB and Cuckoo ... it helps to get advice and support.

I went for a long motorcycle ride (offroad along the river and through the woods) and tried to take my time ... it was therapeutic - chased a bald eagle (!). I have so many things around this country home to do ... and I want to do them. Talking this through with you guys is a great help - I need to find inspiration and the funny thing is that it truly does surround me ... I just have to wipe the fog off my AL glasses and take a look at it ...

Thanks again ... your thoughts and suggestions mean more than words can spell out ...

Sam

[shaking it off]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Sam,

I have been hovering over everyone's postings for the past 4 weeks. I am new to this. I know I need help, I can polish a bottle of wine off like water. However, I am a caregiver and you have inspired me to respond. I too am Catholic. I have a very strong family dynamic. Last evening my sister, we are one of seven, lost her son unexpectedly. So right now I am fighting the urge to open my second bottle of wine. I really do not think there is an icon that illustrates my emotions.

Best,

Bird

[4theboyz]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Hey there Sam,

I remember having the same thoughts, feelings, aching guts and fear that you have put up here. I was scared, real scared, and I did what you are doing and I did it for a long time years in fact before I came here. I was too scared to tell my doctor that my liver was sore, I was too scared to tell my wife, I was too scared to even tell a friend but boy I wish I had.

The thing though that scared me the most was *admitting* to *myself* that I had a problem and a problem that was not going to go away by taking fish oil and milk thistle. It was not going to get better by cutting back (it only got worse). Admitting that I was addicted to alcohol was the hardest thing I did but it opened the door. Admitting allowed me to finally start doing the things that helped to to finally put down the bottle and get the help I needed.

MWO is only part of the process but these awesome people here will give you strength and inspiration and the best part is you can turn to 24 hours a day!!

Heed the fine advice you already have here and *do* talk to your Doc. Be well and see you around.

4tb

[Sam Handwich]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

Shaking It Off ~

I have to say that keeping in touch here has turned my thoughts of drinking to thoughts of how not to drink in quite a short time; this is minimal, but very important and helpful. My god, what you are going through with your sister and her loss is not helpful ... don't open that second bottle if you can help it. What you need is sleep or deep thought about honoring the life that your nephew had ... you can do it. Grab a book, grab a TV show, grab a bath, grab something other than that second bottle of wine ... take many deep breaths and be good to yourself. You will feel better tomorrow ... thanks for writing in.

Sam

[Sam Handwich]

Semi-Functioning AL Boy, But Waffling ...

4theBoyz ~

I'm kinda overwhelmed by the responses I gotten - in a good way. It's what I've needed; and your comments are right there along the line of what I'm going through. How long have you been AF?

I agree that the "admitting" to myself that I have a problem is the hardest part - because you simply just have to admit that before you can change your life. I'm complicated because I'm great at hiding things from people ... but, I can't hide this anymore - everyone knows it - so, I have to change. Your comments and many others have set me off on a new path.

I guess that's what this whole MWO forum is about, huh? What a great resource ...

Thankyou again for your opinion and your comments. It's helping me.

Best,

Sam