Good Old Catholic Guilt

[louise]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Welcome Rocky, Sorry to hear of the childhood abuse and resulting family dysfunction. Glad you are here trying to deal with issues so they don't get passed on. I think the teachings of any religion can get warped and then used wrongly. Some of my family is Catholic and they are loving and helpful and do not believe their daughter with a disability is a punishment for sins. I'm not sure where your family got this. I hope you will find help here.

[KateH1]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Hi again, Rocky, Your experience is your experience. No one here can tell you that your experience or your feelings on your experience are either invalid or wrong. They are your experience, period! Rarely are any two experiences the same, in a religion, a school, a college or a family. Each is unique. Again, we appreciate your openess in sharing your experience with us. I hope that you will continue sharing with us.

Best Wishes,
Kate

[southernbelle47]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Rocky.....:l:l:l:l

Nancy

[4theboyz]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Rocky,

Alcohol aka AL, is a Demon that can cause good people to do bad things. It sounds as though Al has done enough damage to your family and it is time to rid it from your life. It's not too late to heal from AL's wounds and bring happiness back into your life.

I hope you find peace and see the blessings you have in your life.

4tb

[nancy]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Hi Rocky

I am not a fan of organized religion or repressive religions, but I don't associate with Catholic faith with looking down on disability. I think typically, it is a faith that encourages people to help those in need. But maybe this is the interpretation people in your environment had or maybe you are referring to one or two people who held this opinion.

Anyway, it is amazing how life can change isn't it, from good to bad and back to good. Yo said in your other post that you had so many amazing things and then everything went sour. Life is so uncertain (Buddhism is great for making this sink in and helping people accept that this is just the way the world is) and things could get good again for you.

I think your difficulties with your son are maybe the most challenging right now. Have you thought of putting him in a nice care center close by where you can visit and he can still be part of the family? Hope I don't cause offense by asking this. Or can you get a nurse to come? You sound demoralized by it. As for people helping, well, I think the reality of today's life is that most everyone is flat out busy, with their own kids, their own problems, work, money etc. People don't even seem to have time to socialize.

Regarding your own upbringing, well it seems to still cause you so much pain after all these years. Are you in therapy? And if not, I think you should consider it. All these bottled up feelings are bad for you if you want to try to live a healthier life and give up booze.

Your husband, well, it's amazing that he gave you that drink again but let's face it, it's your body and your choice to drink, granted you clearly have a strong addiction to it (like everyone here). He sounds kind of hypocritical to be sitting there drinking and judging you at the same time. I have to wonder if he is also demoralized by all of the family problems and so you two are just turning against each other.

You have a lot of things you need to change. The first one is the drinking. I hope you find good support and tools on this site.

[caseaday]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

I truly believe that there comes a time in every persons life when one realizes that a true family is comprised of people that have gravitated to spending precious time together because of the tremendous support that is received in good times and in bad. Traditional thinking dictates that we must continue to work on forcing relationships with bloodline relatives to work even though we may have very little in common with the other individual and there is no hope of bridging the gap.

I know where I am spending my time...where are you spending yours?

[boozehag]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Dont even start me on Catholics. I grew up in Catholic Ireland - eldest of 6 (good old rhythm method!). At the end of the road where I lived there was an orphanage for boys - an industrial school it was called. We passed this "school" every day on our way to the local girls catholic school - it had steel bars on the windows and we were terrified of the teenage boys who would be squashed up against the bars looking out. They were scary looking - scrawny and undernourished with shaved heads (probably for lice or ringworm) so we went past as quickly as we could and avoided any eye contact. Turns out those boys were being abused and beaten and some of them even died and no body knows what happened to them. When was this you might ask back in the 50 or 60's? No this was in the 80's and it makes me sick to my stomach to think that this went on under our very noses and nobody knew about it or did anything. That school is now a block of expensive apartments. If those walls could talk. Even though I grew up in a middle class good kind family I also experienced the brunt of Irish catholicism personally. I got pregnant at 16 and was sent off to a home for unmarried mothers - locked up behind high walls with barbed wire on top run by nuns who would have been thrown out of the Gestapo for cruelty! Being an unmarried mother in catholic ireland (in 1979) was shock horror for any "good catholic family and had to be kept secret. My baby to be was earmarked for a good catholic family - and did anyone ask me for my opinion - No. Luckily I managed to escape from the home - by climbing over the wall in the dead of night 6 months pregnant and running away to England. Once found by my parents I was put in another home for unmarried mothers in London. If I thought the nuns were bad they were nothing compared with the catholic adoption agency that decided it wanted my baby and the babies of all the other mothers in the home (mostly Irish). Well to cut a long story short I eventually got my son back after I camped outside the Catholic Adoption Agency and refused to leave until they gave me my baby back. Not the usual method but it worked - he is 29 now and I still appreciate how lucky I was to have managed to get him back. Most of those other girls will never have seen their children again to this day I am sure. As a result I have no time for religion especially Irish Catholicism which was just an excuse for brutality in all its forms. Sorry for venting.....
BH

[Cinders]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

BoozeHag,

What an incredible story.

You are an amazing woman.

Love,
Cindi

[hippie37]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

caseaday;340589 wrote: I truly believe that there comes a time in every persons life when one realizes that a true family is comprised of people that have gravitated to spending precious time together because of the tremendous support that is received in good times and in bad. Traditional thinking dictates that we must continue to work on forcing relationships with bloodline relatives to work even though we may have very little in common with the other individual and there is no hope of bridging the gap.

I know where I am spending my time...where are you spending yours?

Bang on the nail case!!

Excellent post!!

Love and Happiness
Hippie

[hippie37]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Boozehag that is a very sad story.

I'm reminded of all the Chines parents who recently lost their children in the Earthquakes who due to Chinese Law will never be able to conceive more children having been forcibly 'left barren' by those laws.

It was good to read you actually made a stand and got your son back. Direct action is sometimes the ONLY action we can take and I totally admire you for doing so.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[shaking it off]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Man,

There are a lot of Irish Catholics in this site, we're probably all related. Boozehag's story is not exactly the same, but has the same intensity of what my mother went through, but not in the 80's-HORRIBLE!

I am learning from all of you, I am grateful for the this level of honesty - it is a gift.

Shaking

[Lila]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Wow, Boozehag,
You sound like a very very strong mother!
Lila

[Doggygirl]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Boozehag, I'm so happy that you were able to keep your son rather than be stuck with a forced adoption. What a horror story. Not too long ago I watched the movie the Magdalene Sisters and it was so shocking to me that these things could go on in our modern times - so very, very sad. And in the name of religion. I can't blame you for feeling the way you do.

DG

[caseaday]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Boozehag,

I am so honored that you have shared your story with us. What courage you have!

[Sam Handwich]

Good Old Catholic Guilt

Wow, Boozehag. Wow. My life has been tooooooo easy. I swear that it's people like you who keep us alive and loved. Wow.

Sam